Review Archives (Staff Reviews)

You are currently looking through staff reviews for games that are available on every platform the site currently covers. Below, you will find reviews written by all eligible authors and sorted according to date of submission, with the newest content displaying first. As many as 20 results will display per page. If you would like to try a search with different parameters, specify them below and submit a new search.

Available Reviews
	Viper V-16 review (PC) Reviewed on May 30, 2005 Rise follows three young girls, and whether you turn right or left at each of the two junctions determines who (if anyone) gets kidnapped and raped. Squeezed in and around your three in-game choices are some lurid story scenes. My favorite scene is when the two brainwashed women seduce the third girl — every hentai game needs some hot lesbian action!
	Metal Slug 4 & 5 review (PS2) Reviewed on May 30, 2005 Metal Slug 5 is certainly worth playing through a couple times for the splendid sightseeing, and once again after that for the stupendous boss battles; as a fraction of a larger compilation, it'd be great. As the saving grace of a $40 "collection" containing only it and the prosaic Metal Slug 4, however, it comes up a bit short.
	Sprung: A Game Where Everyone Scores review (DS) Reviewed on May 26, 2005 Sprung is being caught by your mother, jerking off to a lingerie catalogue. Sprung is feeling up your best friend's sister as he walks into the room. Sprung is a terrible, terrible game, and one that's every bit as embarrassing for UBI Soft as it is for players. Flawed in conception, doomed in execution, and about as titillating as a repressed Anglican housewife, the DS's only flirting sim proves to be a massive, if not inevitable, exercise in frustration.
	Pepsiman review (PSX) Reviewed on May 22, 2005 The problem is though, how do you turn a popular series of TV advertisements into a half way decent video game? OK, so there's no easy answer. From a purely corporate perspective, you'd probably want to fill such a title with any number of product placements, perhaps even looping the campaign's catchy jingle as well. Right then, check, check and double check, but what of the game itself?
	JAST USA Memorial Collection review (PC) Reviewed on May 20, 2005 With its insane dialogue and crazy sex scenes, it's hard not to laugh at "lucky" Hiroaki's adventure. Towards the end, when Runaway City tries to equate charisma with rape, the game crosses the line from slapstick to unintentional hilarity.
	Kishin Douji Zenki FX: Vajra Fight review (PCFX) Reviewed on May 15, 2005 When the frog-like demon Razurou zooms by on his personal jet and the fast-paced battle music kicks in, it's hard not to be distracted by the ridiculous number of clouds scrolling through the sky, and that's part of what makes the ensuing battle so dangerous.
	The Secret of Monkey Island review (PC) Reviewed on May 15, 2005 Pirates are awful at grading video games -- they always get stuck at C.
	Friday the 13th review (NES) Reviewed on May 13, 2005 At first, you’ll be reduced to throwing lowly rocks at a being so untouchable that, according to the films, shotgun blasts don’t even affect him.
	Cadillacs & Dinosaurs review (ARC) Reviewed on May 12, 2005 C&D is a monstrous freak, imprisoned in the cage of the side-scrolling beat-em-'up. The difference between this one and its more popular peers is its unrelenting willingness to be absolutely out of its mind. Any boundaries in the odd or hilarious set by Final Fight or Streets of Rage, C&D ignores with reckless abandon. The result is a title made wholly satisfying by its own outrageous spectacle.
	RalliSport Challenge 2 review (XBX) Reviewed on May 11, 2005 With an impressive level of detail, the varied background elements and assorted weather conditions have come together to form an intoxicating rush of eye candy that evenly matches the speed at which players are experiencing it. Whether its the dusty red sands of the Australian Outback, complete with small shanty towns and the occasional windmill, or the lush Autumn colors of a backwoods English lane, players are sure to find themselves constantly lost in the moment.
	Giga Wing review (DC) Reviewed on May 08, 2005 While it’s true that you can hang near the bottom of the screen and weave like nobody’s business, such tactics aren’t nearly as much fun as worming your way right into the thick of things. Take out a foe from a distance and you can gather small icons that drift through the air. Really move in for the kill and as your adversary bursts into flames, massive remnants gravitate toward you and boost your score into the stratosphere.
	Rumble Roses review (PS2) Reviewed on May 08, 2005 The first few notes of Yuka Watanabe's "The Spirit of Hawk" float through the crowded Rumble Roses arena with beauty and grace unbecoming of the Mongolian girl Aigle, a conveniently legal eighteen-year-old who "wants become great warrior like great father". She rides her big brown horse towards the ring, flashing a dignified smile at the crowd as her plump butt bounces up and down.
	Do You Like Horny Bunnies? review (PC) Reviewed on May 06, 2005 As Yukari finishes up with his chores and the restaurant winds down toward closing time, what will he do? You can have him clean the bathrooms, check the hallway, or just relax. No matter your decision, sex will likely result. Generally, it is preceded by emotional anguish, and the graphical depiction will be accompanied by plenty of bland descriptions of the sex.
	King of the Monsters review (NEO) Reviewed on May 06, 2005 Giant monsters are cool. Giant monsters who beat you to a pulp and take your lunch money are not.
	Super Off Road review (SNES) Reviewed on May 05, 2005 Whereas playing alone gets old quickly, it’s hard to tire of the multi-player option. The true fun here comes from consistently finishing just ahead of your human opponent, then talking trash as he can barely afford any upgrades in the garage and you’re busy buying expensive boosts for your motor.
	Shining in the Darkness review (GEN) Reviewed on May 05, 2005 Venture deeper, and your numerous skirmishes are the least of your worries. Pitfalls drop you gleefully to levels below; trick walls hide valuable chests and artefacts vital for your continuation; rotating floor-disks cunningly hidden from your view dizzily spin you on the spot when trod upon, disorientating and confusing the unwary.
	Metal Gear Solid: The Twin Snakes review (GCN) Reviewed on May 04, 2005 With the exception of a crate here and a computer there, not a single aspect of the original's outdated design has been altered; you can execute far more complex maneuvers now than you could during MGS1 Snake's hide-and-seek antics, but does it matter?
	Sonic Mega Collection Plus review (PS2) Reviewed on May 04, 2005 The hit games are as wonderful as I remember them being, featuring the speedy blue rodent ripping through Green Hill, Labyrinth, Oil Ocean, and Angel Island Zones, to name a few.
	Welcome to Pia Carrot!! review (PCFX) Reviewed on May 01, 2005 Nice man that he is, Yu's father offered his son an out of slaving the summer away at the Pia Carrot restaurant; a bit of a wager, if you will. "Earn high grades... and you're free to do whatever you want. I'll even pay for it." In this case, "whatever Yu wants" meant frolicking across summertime beaches chasing after bikini-clad vixens.
	Nintendogs: Chihuahua & Friends review (DS) Reviewed on May 01, 2005 Even still, Nintendogs is a winner. It's a unique piece of entertainment that opens up the medium far beyond the usual crowd of casual gamers that fill out our ranks. Be it your sister who wants a dog but is sadly allergic to your mother who simply finds such a concept oddly fascinating, the mass market appeal of Nintendo's latest creation is certainly without equal.

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