Review Archives (Staff Reviews)

You are currently looking through staff reviews for games that are available on every platform the site currently covers. Below, you will find reviews written by all eligible authors and sorted according to date of submission, with the newest content displaying first. As many as 20 results will display per page. If you would like to try a search with different parameters, specify them below and submit a new search.

Available Reviews
	New Super Mario Bros. review (DS) Reviewed on June 29, 2006 There is one particular thought that you should dismiss from your mind before reading a review or perhaps even going out to purchase this game. And that is, do not expect this to be along the same monumental line as Super Mario 64, Super Mario World, or even the first game Mario appeared on for that matter. Think of Mario’s latest venture as more of an anthology of sorts; an assemblage of positive features from his best games, spanning over the last twenty years.
	Martial Masters review (ARC) Reviewed on June 28, 2006 Martial Masters is, quite possibly, the greatest 2-D fighter you’ll never play.
	Feeding Frenzy review (X360) Reviewed on June 24, 2006 Fish you couldn’t eat moments before suddenly become your victims, sort of like how the sticky ball you rolled around in Katamari Damacy couldn’t pick up a mouse one minute, but later rolled up an entire skyscraper on a single pass. Of course, there are a few key differences.
	Plok review (SNES) Reviewed on June 23, 2006 The final area’s penchant for giving Plok strange tools and forcing him to use them to overcome obstacles reaches its peak at the very end of the game, as he must fight the final boss wearing a pair of spring shoes that force him to bound around the arena in a very hard-to-control fashion. Nothing like a climactic battle where I get killed solely because my hero is constantly bouncing into the path of what should be easily-dodged bullets!
	Suikoden V review (PS2) Reviewed on June 23, 2006 Suikoden V takes place in the Queendom of Falena, a magical land where bunnies with knives attack innocent travelers and giant, marauding werewolves drop 200 skill points when they die. It’s called a Queendom because the Queen rules just like a king would, the king is just the commander of the army, and the Prince has no real power or anything because the king is always decided by a tournament he can’t even participate in. So, basically, Prince [Insert Your Name Here], is the equivalent of a Princess. Which explains why he looks like a girl. I guess.
	Sagaia review (GEN) Reviewed on June 21, 2006 Due to the path I'm taking, my objective is the sea urchin-like monstrosity known as Leadain — a foul contraption with multiple deadly attacks and seemingly more lives than a cat. It kills me, forcing me to re-enter the fray with only a pair of pea-shooter weapons. Not even the luck of the gods will allow me to see the next level under these conditions.
	Hexic HD review (X360) Reviewed on June 19, 2006 In the end, despite the frustration and occasionally unfair situations that sometimes surface, Hexic HD is a great way to pass the day away with.
	Hitman: Blood Money review (PS2) Reviewed on June 16, 2006 Is it his style, his attitude, or the artistry in his skill? Maybe he is the manifestation of our own sadistic fantasies.
	Tao's Adventure: Curse of the Demon Seal review (DS) Reviewed on June 15, 2006 I envisaged an epic struggle through the colourful floors of Monster Tower, fighting ancient beasts with fearsome spells. In hindsight, my expectations were a little high.
	Motoroader MC review (TGCD) Reviewed on June 13, 2006 In the tradition of the legendary Super Sprint, each Motoroader race is presented in a single-screen birds' eye view, so that you can see all the racers, all the obstacles, and all the action without any view-changing or mirror-flipping nonsense. There are a few hazards like ice patches or volcanic gorges, but for the most part you'll just hold down the "accelerate" button and speed as quickly as possible through eight laps on each track.
	Gradius Collection review (PSP) Reviewed on June 13, 2006 When the ship begins, it fires small pellets in a straight path. These are soon supplemented with peripheral shots, lasers and shields that give you a better chance against whatever the alien empire you’re battling happens to throw your way. Soon, your painfully slow ship will move more efficiently—this finally gives you a chance against all your adversaries as they dart so lithely about the screen—and you’ll wonder why you ever found the game so overwhelming.
	The Da Vinci Code review (XBX) Reviewed on June 11, 2006 On the one hand, this is a satisfying way to fight that emphasis mental power over the ability to simply button mash. On the other, it just doesn’t feel quite natural. Fights seem to happen in fits and spurts. Worse, fighting multiple enemies turns into a ridiculous scenario where even if you press the buttons in just the right order, one of the other goons might step in and knock you in the face because you’re in the middle of performing a combo and can’t stop to deal with the obvious threat.
	Metal Saga review (PS2) Reviewed on June 09, 2006 I had no reason to go anywhere other than to get in fights and earn money to buy better equipment for my characters and their tanks. With no motivation beyond personal gain, everything I accomplished in Metal Saga seemed hollow — a never-ending series of frivolous events only connected by their lack of connection.
	Shining Force review (GEN) Reviewed on June 08, 2006 During the game’s final battles, I didn’t have the courage to send Max into the heart of conflict. Why? Because if he gets defeated, the game ends and I found out the hard way that one unlucky confrontation can accomplish that in the blink of an eye.
	Formula One: Built to Win review (NES) Reviewed on June 05, 2006 There wasn’t much of a difference between the first few Formula One races and the last few American ones, so I jumped out to a hefty lead in the points standings over real-life drivers of the time (with slightly altered names, such as “A. Frost” instead of Alain Prost or “A. Zenna” instead of Ayrton Senna). I was feeling fine. Only a few races from winning the F-1 championship, I felt not even the wrath of God himself could stop me!
	Fight Night Round 3 review (PS2) Reviewed on June 05, 2006 Fighting without the energy bar, with no concrete way to gauge my opponents health and stamina, has made this game one of the most intense experiences I’ve ever had on any console; it’s amazing on multiple levels. The opponent’s body becomes your gauge; you’re targeting him, picking out spots, centering, focusing your attacks, faking him, looking to make sure he hurts in one spot more than the others. You land a solid blow and it hits with all the subtlety of roaring thunder; the controller shakes, the screen shakes, blood spurts from his mouth, you can feel the ribs give way as your fist connects.
	Tom Clancy's Splinter Cell: Pandora Tomorrow review (PS2) Reviewed on June 02, 2006 Your parents were wrong. What you can’t see, certainly can hurt you.
	Mike Tyson's Punch-Out! review (NES) Reviewed on June 01, 2006 France’s most stalwart athlete, Glass Joe, quickly finds out his career is heading for a humiliating end, as his punches are easily dodged by Mac, who then responds by sending jab after jab into Joe’s face. The fight is short and brutal — with Glass Joe spending more time face down than the average hentai game chick.
	Steambot Chronicles review (PS2) Reviewed on May 29, 2006 Steambot Chronicles is cool like that; there’s an overlying story, sure, but progressing it rarely requires you to do anything hard. Hell, it rarely requires you to do much at all.
	RapeLay review (PC) Reviewed on May 27, 2006 To some extent, RapeLay represents a substantial evolution in hentai gaming: diverse, real-time, interactive sexual intercourse. But let's be honest. In RapeLay, you rape women. Well-programmed or not, it's despicable.

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