Review Archives (Staff Reviews)

You are currently looking through staff reviews for games that are available on every platform the site currently covers. Below, you will find reviews written by all eligible authors and sorted according to date of submission, with the newest content displaying first. As many as 20 results will display per page. If you would like to try a search with different parameters, specify them below and submit a new search.

Available Reviews
	Zelda II: The Adventure of Link review (NES) Reviewed on July 15, 2006 The reason Zelda II is special isn’t just the dungeons and their guardians, though, or the way it mixes two unique perspectives. What makes it so outstanding is how those elements contribute to the most tangible world the NES ever saw. It’s evident even in the way people talk about the game to this day.
	Super C review (NES) Reviewed on July 12, 2006 Winged soldiers come out of holes in the wall and glide to their level while mounted cannons provide a lethal distraction. And being distracted WILL lead to being dead on this level, as missing a jump and falling off the screen is as fatal as taking a round in the throat. As Scorpion and Mad Dog get closer to the top, an elevator catches up to them, forcing them to advance past these (and more) foes at a steady pace.
	Space Station: Silicon Valley review (N64) Reviewed on July 12, 2006 Silicon Valley doesn’t offer action, intrigue, heavy violence, or anything remotely ‘hardcore’. But it does have sheep, floating sheep, sheep with springs for feet, dogs on wheels, rats on wheels, hippos with fecal mines, rabbits with helicopter ears that crap bombs from above, huskies on skis, penguins with infinite snowballs, turtle tanks, irritable sea bass, hyenas with motorcycle bodies, and about twenty others that escape me at the moment.
	Sexy Droids review (AMIGA) Reviewed on July 11, 2006 This is a simple but engaging puzzle game for the whole family. Unless your family happens to be offended by nudity, because they’re the sort of puzzles where you gradually reveal pictures of women revealing themselves. Only instead of Penthouse Pets in the buff, you’ll be “treated” to chrome-plated gynoids posing provocatively in skimpy swimwear – and Robocop helmets.
	Point Blank DS review (DS) Reviewed on July 10, 2006 A charming and frantic game, it’s all the fun of a carnival, without the hawkers, rigged games, and petting zoo aroma. Then again, there are reasons I don’t go to carnivals anymore.
	Brain Age: Train Your Brain in Minutes a Day review (DS) Reviewed on July 09, 2006 Thankfully though, the smart folks at Nintendo have decided to put a patch on the problem, in the form of an intriguing little puzzle game. That game is Brain Age: Train Your Brain in Minutes a Day!
	Micro Machines V4 review (PC) Reviewed on July 08, 2006 What could have been a tightly controlling game, then, is just an exercise in frustration. You never dare approach a corner at full speed because if you do, you’re pretty much screwed. This is true of any of the hundreds and hundreds of vehicles you can add to your collection, making their inclusion cosmetic rather than useful.
	Naruto: Ultimate Ninja review (PS2) Reviewed on July 07, 2006 Taken as a pure brawler, Ultimate Ninja no doubt comes up wanting. There’s only one attack button. None of the fighters have that many attacks and combos, fifteen at the most. Every characters has specific moves, and some of the hidden characters have range and power advantages, but everyone does similar damage and moves alike; master one ninja and you’ve mastered them all. Topping that all off, everyone’s either extremely weak or extremely durable; it takes a ridiculous amount of time to win relying on straight-up fighting. All the more reason to not take this as a pure brawler.
	Task Force Harrier EX review (GEN) Reviewed on July 07, 2006 After completing the bland, but inoffensive, first stage, I noticed the second looked exactly the same. As did the third. And the fourth. Yep, this game possesses 13 stages and the first four were near-identical, with my plane flying over the Siberian tundra or some similarly frozen wasteland.
	The 7th Saga review (SNES) Reviewed on July 06, 2006 Enix went all-out to craft monsters that would test the mettle of even the most battle-tested adventurer. I faced instant-death attacks, brutal fireball and tornado spells and devastating melee attacks in fights with both bosses and run-of-the-mill overworld denizens. Just when I’d think a particularly tough battle was finally going in my favor, one foe would resurrect a fallen comrade or completely heal itself, forcing me to essentially start over.
	Marble Blast Ultra review (X360) Reviewed on July 04, 2006 As you race around the various stadiums trying to collect multi-colored gems ahead of your worthy opponents, you’ll find power-ups scattered all over the place. Some blow you up to giant size and let you send everyone who touches you flying. Others give you the ability to spring high into the air, or to rocket across most of the arena if you launch cleverly from the top of a ramp.
	Castlevania Double Pack review (GBA) Reviewed on July 04, 2006 After playing the disappointing Castlevania Double Pack, the "Castlevania" name now brings back memories of emasculated bishounen dunderheads, forgettable filler music, long empty hallways, and tiresome backtracking. Quite frankly, this cartridge makes me sad.
	The King of Fighters EX: Neoblood review (GBA) Reviewed on July 04, 2006 It confuses me as to how some of SNK’s most memorable characters, like Billy Kane and Duck King, get excluded, while the bland ones keep coming back.
	Devilish: The Next Possession review (GEN) Reviewed on July 01, 2006 It's such a genuinely zany concept that one wonders going in just how such a thing couldn't provide a quick burst of amusement. And it does. I actually chuckled at the wonderfully contrived story describing a prince and a princess turned into paddles by evil magic. The problem is that if you've played Breakout, you've played this, and while such things as zombies and boss fights add a little to the gameplay value, Bad Omen runs on its novelty. Once you get past that, the experience quickly loses its lustre.
	Arc the Lad: Twilight of the Spirits review (PS2) Reviewed on July 01, 2006 Arc: Twilight of the Spirits often feels more about toil than reward.
	Totally Rad review (NES) Reviewed on June 30, 2006 And so, young and awesome Jake sets off into the wild blue yonder, endeavoring to complete five whole stages of magic and mayhem, rescue Allison, rescue Allison’s father (no clue how he fits into things, other than to give Jake another reason to look like a big-shot in front of his girl) and spew out TOTALLY RAD dialogue, all of which I forced myself to forget as soon as the words left my screen.
	New Super Mario Bros. review (DS) Reviewed on June 29, 2006 There is one particular thought that you should dismiss from your mind before reading a review or perhaps even going out to purchase this game. And that is, do not expect this to be along the same monumental line as Super Mario 64, Super Mario World, or even the first game Mario appeared on for that matter. Think of Mario’s latest venture as more of an anthology of sorts; an assemblage of positive features from his best games, spanning over the last twenty years.
	Martial Masters review (ARC) Reviewed on June 28, 2006 Martial Masters is, quite possibly, the greatest 2-D fighter you’ll never play.
	Feeding Frenzy review (X360) Reviewed on June 24, 2006 Fish you couldn’t eat moments before suddenly become your victims, sort of like how the sticky ball you rolled around in Katamari Damacy couldn’t pick up a mouse one minute, but later rolled up an entire skyscraper on a single pass. Of course, there are a few key differences.
	Plok review (SNES) Reviewed on June 23, 2006 The final area’s penchant for giving Plok strange tools and forcing him to use them to overcome obstacles reaches its peak at the very end of the game, as he must fight the final boss wearing a pair of spring shoes that force him to bound around the arena in a very hard-to-control fashion. Nothing like a climactic battle where I get killed solely because my hero is constantly bouncing into the path of what should be easily-dodged bullets!

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