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Review Archives (Reader Reviews)

You are currently looking through reader reviews for games that are available on every platform the site currently covers. Below, you will find reviews written by all eligible authors and sorted according to date of submission, with the newest content displaying first. As many as 20 results will display per page. If you would like to try a search with different parameters, specify them below and submit a new search.

Available Reviews
Disney's Tarzan (PlayStation)

Disney's Tarzan review (PSX)

Reviewed on March 20, 2004

Disney has always been known for their seemingly perfect family morals, their delightful animated films and their fairly consistent track record of making bad games. To be fair, not all of their games are bad. Too bad for every good title, like Aladdin, there is crap like A Bug’s Life, Kingdom Hearts(I’m the minority here) and My Disney Kitchen. Since Tarzan is one of my favorites out of the recent batch of Disney flicks and I heard this was a 2D platformer, my ho...
djskittles's avatar
Scooby-Doo! Night of 100 Frights (GameCube)

Scooby-Doo! Night of 100 Frights review (GCN)

Reviewed on March 20, 2004

In all honesty, I am probably not the best person to be reviewing Scooby-Doo: Night of 100 Frights, a harmless platformer drummed up by the vapid zombie brains at THQ whose video games based on flavor-of-the-month franchises put premium gas in their SUVs every day and giant shrimp cocktails on their dinner tables every night. Being as my stance on corporate shillery is somewhat less tolerant than Joe Consumer's, I barely stifle the urge to snap it in half like a toothpick (I have to keep...
snowdragon's avatar
Time Crisis 3 (PlayStation 2)

Time Crisis 3 review (PS2)

Reviewed on March 20, 2004

I remember this last summer, a friend of mine and I ventured off to Maine on vacation. It was a fun trip with lots of little memories here and there, but one memory that sticks with me was the amount of time we spent in the arcades on Old Orchard Beach playing Time Crisis 3. The last shooting game we’d played was the disastrous Terminator: The Arcade Game, and after that Time Crisis 3 seemed like a gift from God. We never did beat the game, but the thirst for more was enough...
asherdeus's avatar
Ragnarok Online (PC)

Ragnarok Online review (PC)

Reviewed on March 20, 2004

Ragnarok Online (RO) is a very, very basic MMORPG (Which is a ridiculously long acronym for the even more ridiculously long phrase Massively Multiplayer Online Role Playing Game). Really, you don’t get much more simple than this. But hey, simple isn’t always a bad thing. What do you do in Mario Brothers? You run and jump.
vincent_valentine's avatar
DoDonPachi (Arcade)

DoDonPachi review (ARC)

Reviewed on March 19, 2004

Take your average vertical shooter with its overused spaceships with their pellet-shooters. Now bring it to life. Add a giant frickin piss laser and the result is DoDonPachi (translated roughly to “The DonPachi,” or “The asskicker”), an exercise in excess that presents insane bullet-dodging challenge and the single most devastating weapon ever put at the disposal of the player. I'm not talking about some puny bullets being shot out; I'm talking about a never-ending stream of agonizing ...
dogma's avatar
Big Rigs: Over the Road Racing (PC)

Big Rigs: Over the Road Racing review (PC)

Reviewed on March 17, 2004

I’ve never played a game like Big Rigs. It’s a racing game, with trucks. You may first think that it’s simply an 18 Wheeler: American Pro Trucker rip-off. If it tries to be, it’s not. Big Rigs: Over the Road Racing is honestly one of the worst games in all of history, for a variety of reasons that make themselves clear from the moment the game is started. I thought I knew what I was in for when I started up the game, because I’d read all the reviews for it beforehand: many c...
asherdeus's avatar
Champions of Norrath: Realms of EverQuest (PlayStation 2)

Champions of Norrath: Realms of EverQuest review (PS2)

Reviewed on March 17, 2004

It might just be me, but it seems a bit awkward when one starts a review with some sort of a disclaimer — but with Champions of Norrath, it seems almost necessary to do so.
overdrive's avatar
BioMetal (SNES)

BioMetal review (SNES)

Reviewed on March 16, 2004

Sometimes you just have to wonder what goes through the minds of video game designers and programmers.
overdrive's avatar
Halo: Combat Evolved (Xbox)

Halo: Combat Evolved review (XBX)

Reviewed on March 15, 2004

Two dropships swoop in from the sky. Eight soldiers are going to land on a beach, to take it from some aliens. They know they are outnumbered. Yet they look somewhat eager for battle. Are they suicidal? Do they lust for battle so much that they don't care if they die? It's not just that though. A bit of confidence tingles in their eyes. A giant of a man stands up. He is over 7 feet tall, and clad in green armor. Perhaps this man's badassness is the source of their confidence. How could this be t...
icehawk's avatar
Akumajou Dracula X: Gekka no Yasoukyoku (Saturn)

Akumajou Dracula X: Gekka no Yasoukyoku review (SAT)

Reviewed on March 14, 2004

sinner's avatar
The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past (SNES)

The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past review (SNES)

Reviewed on March 14, 2004

Take Super Mario World. The same level aesthetic, the same goofy tree sprites, the weird ''Mushroom Kingdom'' look of it all. Apply a steamroller over the game at a 45 degree angle and call the result an ''isometric overhead perspective.'' Replace Mario with a squat, short-bus rendition of the fabled ''Link'' character.
sinner's avatar
Spider-Man & Venom: Separation Anxiety (SNES)

Spider-Man & Venom: Separation Anxiety review (SNES)

Reviewed on March 14, 2004

Sit still. Breathe, blink a few times. Prepare for the most illuminating, hell-harbingering revelation the gaming world has ever seen. Prepare for the naked truth about the miserable Separation Anxiety:
sinner's avatar
Final Fight (SNES)

Final Fight review (SNES)

Reviewed on March 14, 2004

Final Fight was originally released with the benefit of being alone in the next generation (of its era, 16 Bit) beat 'em up field. It started to really suck to be Final Fight when Streets of Rage was released; Streets of Rage came along and made Final Fight its female dog. Streets of Rage excels at making a semi-decent game look worse... Simply put, Final Fight is a sissy in the light of a better game.
sinner's avatar
Earth Defense Force (SNES)

Earth Defense Force review (SNES)

Reviewed on March 14, 2004

If you take a child to an expensive restaurant, he'll stare vacantly at the menu. He'll skip past the forty dollar steaks slathered in twenty dollar mushroom sauce. He wants nothing to do with anything called ''parmigiana'' or ''primavera.'' He'll search the menu with a look of desperation and defeat as he cannot find macaroni and cheese with cut-up hot dogs, a dollar-store bargain meal he loves for lack of exposure to better food.
sinner's avatar
Axelay (SNES)

Axelay review (SNES)

Reviewed on March 14, 2004

The stage: The Dread Pirate Shooterfan, after successfully delighting in the vast shooter libraries of the glorious Genesis and the timeless Turbo, chances upon the SNES... here he must face a battle of wits with the superhype machine itself:
sinner's avatar
After Burner III (Sega CD)

After Burner III review (SCD)

Reviewed on March 14, 2004

Mark my words: no game has been as thoroughly sodomized as Sega's AfterBurner. Think the Game Boy Advance is littered with horrid ports? How about the GBC with its laughable versions of otherwise successful games? You see, you know what you're getting with Nintendo's portables. Their drastically inferior hardware and minute visibility, for instance, will quell any real expectation you may feel grow for a port arriving for the systems. But Sega took it to the next level with AfterBurner.
sinner's avatar
Panzer Dragoon Saga (Saturn)

Panzer Dragoon Saga review (SAT)

Reviewed on March 14, 2004

Beyond life follows death, but for the most important of all dragon riders, beyond his death is his life, again. Death brings him his destiny, and death raises him from the commoner depths of labor and servitude to the forefront of the struggle between a world and its damnation. Edge, the youth who experiences this soul-altering transformation, dies at the outset of this, the single greatest RPG the world will ever see. He's resurrected and saved from his demise by a dragon, a magnificent beast ...
sinner's avatar
Three Sisters' Story (PC)

Three Sisters' Story review (PC)

Reviewed on March 14, 2004

You click and click and click. At first, the story seems interesting because it feels just around the corner from some hot, lusty naked cartoon action. Oh yeah, you're just a few scrolls of text away from the throbbing thrillhammer, huh... Yeah, just keep reading that insipid story about a family torn apart by corporate greed. The backdrop sets itself fast enough and the pace seems set to race toward wild teen orgies at any moment.
sinner's avatar
Castlevania (NES)

Castlevania review (NES)

Reviewed on March 14, 2004

The name is worth a lot and you know it because it means something to you. You played it when you still had your youth, when you still loved birthday parties and still thought girls were gross. You loved Castlevania and it is as old as your love for games. Castlevania was ahead of its time; you've watched the world and the world of videogames change, and you've seen that the power of Castlevania seems to transcend these changes.
sinner's avatar
Zombie Revenge (Dreamcast)

Zombie Revenge review (DC)

Reviewed on March 14, 2004

And so march the dead, yearning to be truly asleep, to escape their involuntary, macabre commitment to lifeless motion. They drone around, unsure of their actions or even of their existence. Their mouths hang from a lack of tissue vitality and their persistent lumbering speaks of their uncertainty of their own being. They've not even been granted the decency of death; their ''lives'' are aimless and torturous. They don't even desire life anymore- they just yearn to no longer spend foreseeable et...
sinner's avatar

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