Review Archives (Reader Reviews)

You are currently looking through reader reviews for games that are available on every platform the site currently covers. Below, you will find reviews written by all eligible authors and sorted according to date of submission, with the newest content displaying first. As many as 20 results will display per page. If you would like to try a search with different parameters, specify them below and submit a new search.

Available Reviews
	Violence Fight review (ARC) Reviewed on August 20, 2007 I was trying to think up a good intro for this. You know, something that had to do with the story, maybe a little descriptive scene. Unfortunately, no words can quite describe the plot of Violence Fight, so here it is, taken directly from the game itself:
	Ninja Gaiden review (XBX) Reviewed on August 18, 2007 Ninja Gaiden is a mean game. The enemies you encounter are absolute ass-kicking, in-your-face, unforgiving, top-of-the-line butt-whooping badasses, and they know nothing but your demise. So determined are they to bring about your end that I received the impression that the game itself was out to get me. The free-floating sense of hostility I picked up from Ninja Gaiden is so extreme that I’m somewhat surprised the load screens don’t say, “Loading, bitch!”
	Sam & Max: Season One review (PC) Reviewed on August 18, 2007 Everyone’s favourite dog and rabbity-thing – the noir-detective canine Sam and his psychopathic friend Max – are finally back on the videogame scene after nearly fifteen years. Developed by Telltale Games, a studio consisting of many experienced adventure game creators from the Lucasarts days in the 1990s, Sam and Max were placed into a television-styled format, wherein a series of six ‘episodes’ were released online each month. These six separate adventures form a more cohesive picture on the w...
	Killer 7 review (GCN) Reviewed on August 15, 2007 Killer7 squandered more potential than most any other game this decade. On top of making me wonder if Capcom was an LSD production front, its hyper-stylized and totally off-the-wall trailers made it seem downright unbelievable. A hero that can burst into a cloud of blood and reforming as any one of his seven split personalities at will; a crippled old sniper with a maid who slaps the shit out of him when she isn't pushing his wheelchair around; and a TV news dude with an afro and a yellow t-shir...
	Gregory Horror Show review (PS2) Reviewed on August 15, 2007 It's not easy, being Death. As if having the voice of a 1980s throwback gameshow host - or constantly wearing your nation's flag atop your head (Swedish, naturally) - wasn't bad enough, there's also the small matter of collecting lost souls to contend with. Rather than going out there and doing the dirty work himself, The Grim Reaper's only option is to employ the services of a single being, trapped amongst the peculiar cubic guests in the hotel from Hell.
	Galactic Civilizations II: Dread Lords review (PC) Reviewed on August 15, 2007 August 1, 2007- On this day, I created my people. I named them the Memians, after internet memes of old. I knew I would need to give them the right skills to survive in this harsh galaxy, so upon them, I blessed them with augmentations to their soldiering skills, their shipbuilding abilities, and their reproductive 'talents'. My bunny-like custom race--with their ability to fuck like rabbits and increase their population by over nine thousand times--set out to dominate thei...
	Achtung! Spitfire review (PC) Reviewed on August 15, 2007 Avalon Hill's Achtung! Spitfire is a rare game in more than one way. The world-reknowned board game publisher, having produced excellent offerings ranging from a simulation of the airline business to art thievery, came up with this realistic depiction of World War II dogfighting. Apt, then, that it's based on a board game that's older than most people reading this. The formula is perfect: each turn depicts roughly two seconds of intense aerial combat. Missions range from protecting a flee...
	Solitaire review (PC) Reviewed on August 14, 2007 Have you actually tried to play solitaire with your own deck of cards? Your answer is most likely no, but I have. And yes, it got messy. A vast number of problems arose when I attempted to do what is best left to computer: I was unsure if there were five rows or seven rows to begin the game, I dealt the cards way to close to the table, it is a pain moving more than five cards in one row to the other, and I had to actually shuffle and deal the cards. After about twenty minutes and two games I qui...
	Gurumin: A Monstrous Adventure review (PSP) Reviewed on August 14, 2007 Poor Parin. Her mother and father have decided to go off on a grand adventure and believing that their dear sweet child is too juvenile to tag along with them, they unceremoniously dump her with the grandfather who resides in a remote mining town with absolutely nothing to do apart from twiddling one’s thumbs. What’s a twelve year old girl to do in such a place that epitomises the exact opposite of fun and games? As that helium-pumped dinosaur, Barney, would put it - it’s time to use your imagin...
	Growl review (GEN) Reviewed on August 14, 2007 It’s just another day at the office at the Ranger Corps. You and three of your Indiana Jones-wannabe coworkers are sitting back at the bar, enjoying some good beer and watching the Congo sun slowly descend into the horizon. Somewhere in the middle of this alcoholic fog, a young woman enters the room. She’s tall, blonde, and wearing one of the most crudely drawn suit and skirt sprites you’ve ever seen. But as you can take in her lovely curves and legs that stretch on forever, she utters a scratch...
	WarTech: Senko no Ronde review (X360) Reviewed on August 12, 2007 Now, judging by what you've just read above, what genre did you think WarTech was in? Shoot-em-up? Fighting? Well, if you guessed one of the first two, you're right.
	Banjo Pilot review (GBA) Reviewed on August 12, 2007 "Hey, you know, that Banjo game with the bear and the bird did pretty good on the N64."
	Dizzy the Adventurer review (NES) Reviewed on August 12, 2007 Meet Dizzy. Dizzy is an egg. Dizzy comes from Yolkfolk village. Dizzy has an egg girlfriend (hot, I know) named Daisy. On one eggcelent day (I'm sorry, really I am), they discovered a secret entrance to the evil wizard Zak's castle. Little did they know, Zak himself was watching them through his crystal ball! He set a trap for them in the form of a horrible, awful, terrifying, spinning wheel (DUN DUN DUUUN!). It mysteriously spun infinitely due the magic spell placed on it by the wizard. ...
	Kuri Kinton review (ARC) Reviewed on August 12, 2007 He can see it now. It looks like a tiny, rusted shack, but it’s actually the entrance to one of the most extensive underground fortresses in the world. You’d think that criminal masterminds would come up with a less obvious entryway (because we all know that little shacks in the middle of the desert are so commonplace), but none of that matters now. Kuri Kinton zooms forth on his oversized motorcycle, leaps over a rocky embankment, and charges toward his fate. About halfway there, he rele...
	Bank Panic review (ARC) Reviewed on August 12, 2007 I love the old West. You know why? Because everyone just shot everyone else all the time. Okay, so maybe actually being in the time period wouldn't be the best thing, as I'm not a big fan of being shot. Shooting other people though, is a different story. Bank Panic allows me to shoot all the outlaws I want as they pop into the bank and try to grab some cash. I sit down and wait for the action to unfold, then I must shoot at the right time at the right person. I can see three of the twelve...
	Rule of Rose review (PS2) Reviewed on August 11, 2007 "But with big sister dead in a pool of amber blood, who is there to read the letter to? Bah bah."
	Tetris DX review (GBC) Reviewed on August 10, 2007 You know what Tetris is. Yes, you. I'm talking directly to you, reader, the one on the other side of the computer screen. I can say this with certainty because if you're on this website, reading this review right now, the chances of you not having played one of the millions of Tetris spawn are treading on nothing. In the very least, I'm sure you've seen Human Tetris (and if you haven't check it out because it's hilarious). Anyway, bec...
	Perfect Bowling review (NES) Reviewed on August 10, 2007 It's quite a bold statement to say something is perfect. This is obviously because there are few things on this planet that we can say honestly have no flaws. One of these things, of course, would be a fresh roasted s'more. Another might be Maria Sharapova's body. One thing that we can definitely rule out as perfect though, is Perfect Bowling on the NES. The title isn't so much a bold statement as a dirty lie. This game isn't even worth the title Good Bowling or Mediocre Bowling...
	Tetris DS review (DS) Reviewed on August 09, 2007 I've said before that Tetris is one of the few games that will never, EVER get old. I stand by that statement, and no matter how many times countless developers will try to reinvent it to make more money, the basic, primitive game of Tetris is probably all we'll need.
	Iridion 3D review (GBA) Reviewed on August 08, 2007 When Iridion 3D was released as part of the Game Boy Advance launch lineup in 2001, it was almost without question the greatest technical marvel the system had. The jump from GBC to GBA was such a great one that most developers didn’t know how to utilize it, yet this little space shooter, as boring and uninspired as it was, managed to pump out an amazing 3D engine unlike anything I’d ever seen on a handheld. It was the kind of game you’d buy alongside your system with the sole intention o...

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