Review Archives (Reader Reviews)
You are currently looking through reader reviews for games that are available on every platform the site currently covers. Below, you will find reviews written by all eligible authors and sorted according to date of submission, with the newest content displaying first. As many as 20 results will display per page. If you would like to try a search with different parameters, specify them below and submit a new search.
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Dragon's Curse review (TG16)Reviewed on November 08, 2010A super deformed knight runs across the screen, his sword held high in a completely impractical position. His eyes are larger than his fists, and it gives him a less than dignified look. The man looks like a Weeble. Let's hope he wobbles and doesn't fall down. Super deformed beasties come at him. Even though they smile like characters in a children's cartoon, you know what they want is him laying in a pool of Weeble blood. Maybe he can fall down. The knight hacks and slashes and enemies fall wit... |
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Body Harvest review (N64)Reviewed on November 07, 2010The N64 library contains a reasonable share of classics, considering the lack of software support compared to the titan that was the Playstation. Many of these classics are well known: Zelda, Mario, Goldeneye, and so on. As in any field of entertainment, though, some classics are woefully overlooked. I direct your eye to Body Harvest, a game that may lack the glossy presentation and heavyweight pedigree of a game like Zelda, but makes up for it with imagination and ambition. |
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River Raid review (A2600)Reviewed on November 07, 2010River Raid is a piece of shooter ecstacy. You take the role of a pilot flying down a river shooting up a bunch of bad guys. Why? Because they're evil! Why else? The manual doesn't give you a backstory. Nothing's a better waste of government money or ammunition than blowing evil to smithereens. It has been proven time and time again in many of these shooters. |
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Pirates! review (NES)Reviewed on November 06, 2010Sid Meier is a name associated with strategy and management. Civilization, Colonization and Railroad Tycoon are among Meier’s better-known games, but before these monuments of intellectual gaming there was bloodthirsty high seas thievery in Pirates! |
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Defenders of Dynatron City review (NES)Reviewed on November 06, 2010Defenders of Dynatron City (DODC) was not as much a game as it was a marketing campaign. It's also a small reminder that the Hype Machine can sometimes falter in its mission to force something to become a hit. LucasArts, JVC, and DiC seemed to think they could make the next TMNT and came up with a cartoon with various superheroes, each of which had something about them that immediately stood out (like the fact that one of them had a saw blade attached to the end of her legs, kind of like a tortu... |
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Armada review (DC)Reviewed on November 06, 2010Metro3D had a great idea. They took the gameplay conventions of a popular game like Diablo and changed the setting from a fantasy world to outer space. This sounds exciting. Who wouldn't want to play Diablo in space? Armada was born from such an idea, but it very much lacks the customization and heart that made Diablo such a hit. The game falls victim to extreme repetition without much to break the tedium of constant killing for cash. It lacks any sort of variance or plot development. Basically... |
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Blood Stone: 007 review (X360)Reviewed on November 05, 2010I'm normally not one to tell someone how they should go about playing a game, but for James Bond 007: Blood Stone, I'll make an exception. Though players may be tempted to approach the game as they would Gears of War or Splinter Cell: Conviction, using an available piece of cover to take out all enemies and then moving on, that is not the approach one should employ here. Instead, Blood Stone is best approached with the same professional recklessness that has c... |
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Superstar Ice Hockey review (APP2)Reviewed on November 04, 2010For a month or two, Superstar Ice Hockey (SIH) pushed my buttons perfectly. I could win regularly--two seasons in an afternoon--but it'd never be too obvious I had it in the bag. Game time was a relative concept that went quicker when fewer players were in the puck's third of the rink. With three goals max per game and four-game seasons, playoff possibilities were on a knife-edge until the final game. In real life, my team would have been the most negative, boring, dislikable bunch you co... |
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Singularity review (X360)Reviewed on November 02, 2010Let me set up Singularity’s opening sequence for you. The game is set in an alternate reality in which America and Russia are at war (obviously), and you’ve been sent to infiltrate a Soviet island on which our adversaries have been experimenting with a fictional ninety-ninth element called – get this – E99. Your helicopter crashes and you’re separated from your partner, and then, for some reason, you’re transported to a burning building in 1955. You pull a scientist to safety despite a sh... |
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GBA Basketball Two on Two review (APP2)Reviewed on November 02, 2010Shortly after my friend Aric pasted me in GBA Basketball Two-on-Two on his Apple IIgs--retribution for all the RPGs I'd solved--I found the IIe version cheap at Babbage's. I felt frugal--it probably didn't have all the extras, like the crowd that disappeared as it became doubtful I would avoid getting doubled up. But it had two-on-two play, which had to be a step up from the wonderful One on One, and the back-of-box blurbs seemed comparable, if the in-game pictures didn't. Jealousy... |
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Championship Baseball review (APP2)Reviewed on November 01, 2010"Adjust tint til blue field is green." That's the opening screen of Championship Baseball (CB,) with "Take Me Out to the Ball Game" blaring. I never bothered. Blue grass is just one of the things that aren't true to life in CB but are probably more fun. With only so much disk space, only the most exciting bits of baseball survive. You draft your own team complete with abilities that don't matter except for batting. You get to name everyone: eight fielders, three starting pitchers, two utility me... |
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Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde review (NES)Reviewed on October 31, 2010The game is both side scrolling action (word used loosely) and scrolling shooter rolled into one. You take control of both Jekyll and Hyde. Playing as the former is dull and boring, playing as the latter is frustrating and boring. |
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Muscle March review (WII)Reviewed on October 31, 2010You've likely seen the trailer for this game on a video website. You know, the one where a bunch of confusing sequences are tossed in your face while weird J-Pop music plays in the background? And there was this highly enthusiastic Japanese announcer constantly shouting, throwing in a few Engrish words every so often. I'm sure some of you blocked it out of your mind, but there were also a ton of happy, muscly men in thongs. One was sporting a killer mohawk. Another was wearing a top hat. There w... |
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Mr. Do! review (A2600)Reviewed on October 30, 2010Mr. Do has to harvest cherries from his overgrown orchard. However, some Badguys (this is what the manual calls them) are out to not only horribly murder Do, but also eat his cherries. . Were they really that strapped for time? They couldn't have given the enemies a deeper collective name than that? |
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Neutopia review (TG16)Reviewed on October 29, 2010The Triforce doens't stand for this. |
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Blake Stone: Aliens of Gold review (PC)Reviewed on October 24, 2010Wolfenstein - Nazi + Aliens and overweight security guards = Blake Stone |
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The House of the Dead 2 & 3 Return review (WII)Reviewed on October 24, 2010There's a lot of whys when reacting to this particular release: Why not include the first game? Why these specific titles? Why the absurdly long name? Well, I'm guessing they simply used the Xbox versions, modified them a bit, and slapped them on a Wii disc. That would explain a whole lot... but since I've never touched the Xbox port, I could be waaaaaay off. As for the name, well, the name is just stupid, no matter how you spin it. |
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Sonic Adventure review (X360)Reviewed on October 22, 2010As a front-runner in Sega’s Dreamcast launch lineup, it’s only reasonable that Sonic Adventure would be the first Dreamcast game that Sega would port to Xbox Live Arcade. Serving as something of a tech demo for the fledgling console, the visuals stood above any game on competing consoles at the time. There’s definitely a sense of nostalgia that comes with running frantically down a pier while a killer whale gives chase in the Emerald Coast, or playing a game of NiGHTS Into Dreams pinball in the ... |
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Domino Man review (ARC)Reviewed on October 20, 2010The heck with Jumpman fighting Donkey Kong for a woman--I'll take Domino Man's balding, emotional protagonist fighting society for his art. All the poor guy wants to do is build up domino chains in a city block, a golf course, and a construction zone, but the people and animals around keep knocking down his work. A frumpy washerwoman, a drunk on a golf cart, various construction workers--and time itself, in the form of a clock that walks, err, clockwise around the screen--conspire to keep... |
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Hook review (ARC)Reviewed on October 18, 2010Licenses you never thought would be turned into brawlers, volume 1... |
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