Reviews by lilica

Splatterhouse 2 review

I don’t like Splatterhouse 2. I was planning to mock its sloppy control and limited moveset. I was planning to attack its stricter-than-Altered Beast linearity. I was even planning to poke fun at the sanitized pastel ichor that bursts from…

lilica · January 20, 2006

Reader Saturn HG exclusive

Die Hard Arcade review

Dynamite Deka bears no relation to the classic action film Die Hard aside from basic plot similarities but, in a rare show of marketing genius, Sega noticed these similarities and brokered a fiendishly clever deal with 20th Century Fox…

lilica · February 12, 2005

Reader PlayStation 2 HG exclusive

Stretch Panic review

Konami, Axelay, Gunstar Heroes, yada yada yada. Now that I’ve exhaustively covered the complete game development history of Treasure, the review can begin. Stretch Panic is an innovative game. That’s its genre and its weakness. Relying on…

lilica · February 4, 2005

Reader PlayStation 2 HG exclusive

Chaos Legion review

Love. Betrayal. Vengeance. Richly artistic cinematics explore the depths of the human psyche and emotional repression . . . or something. Capcom gives these stylish but laughably-voiced cinematics the treatment they deserve by making them…

lilica · January 28, 2005

Reader PlayStation 2 HG exclusive

ICO review

Ico was born with horns on his head. It may look like he’s wearing a helmet, but those two buggers are rooted to the bone. Although such an unfortunate devil-horned child would today undergo scientific study and vivisection, Ico lived in…

lilica · January 24, 2005

Reader PlayStation 2 HG exclusive

Devil May Cry review

In their efforts to show off how much they know, more than a few Capcom enthusiasts are quick to point out that Devil May Cry was originally intended to be the fourth official Resident Evil. Not only is this statement irrelevant (and…

lilica · January 19, 2005

Reader Turbografx-CD Review of the Week HG exclusive

Ys Book I & II review

No other game opens quite like Ys. After NEC’s elegant logo fades, a foreboding mural fills the center of the screen with hand-drawn majesty as if to announce All is not well with the world! Flashes of lightning illuminate Esteria’s…

lilica · January 8, 2005

Reader PlayStation 2

Berserk: The Millennium Falcon review

No longer content to wear a smiling yellow mask, death incarnate now dons a frightening visage of hollow-eyed contempt and clenched-teeth ferocity. The kindly divinities of biblical lore have fallen before the fourfold might of the…

lilica · December 18, 2004

Reader Arcade

1942 review

Welcome to the most boring review ever written. If tiresome personal stories or dry overanalysis arouse intense feelings of disdain in your heart, turn away! Those of you with any hopes for entertainment, perish the thought of reading my…

lilica · December 13, 2004

Reader Sega CD

Cobra Command review

Gaming vultures (Cathartes bokosuka) love to peck at the defenseless corpses of perished consoles, gouging out the most nauseous remnants of inhumanity. With its library of full-motion video games, some of which lack enough frames of…

lilica · November 6, 2004

Reader NES HG exclusive

Ikari Warriors II: Victory Road review

Divinely tolerant cheaters who persevered to the end of the original Ikari Warriors rescued “the Colonel”, forever sealing that game’s fate as a cheap Rambo knockoff. With Victory Road, SNK shattered their protective shell of mimicry and…

lilica · October 24, 2004

Reader NES

Ikari Warriors review

I first encountered the plodding Ikari Warriors at the local Spaghetti Warehouse, tucked between Stun Runner and some random football game. In those carefree days, I thought Ikari Warriors was good, and I mean "good" in a sense other than…

lilica · September 21, 2004

Reader Xbox Review of the Week HG exclusive

Panzer Dragoon Orta review

Panzer Dragoon Zwei didn’t waste any time. The opening scene violently hurled unsuspecting gamers into an enemy-infested outpost with the ability to destroy nearly any building for obscene amounts of bonus points. Branching paths were…

lilica · September 4, 2004

Reader Sega CD HG exclusive

Ecco the Dolphin review

Adolescence is a difficult time for girls and boys. Apparently it's a difficult time for bottle-nosed dolphins too, as our young hero Ecco finds himself violently hurled into a quest to establish his own identity and independence while…

lilica · July 31, 2004

Reader Dreamcast

SoulCalibur review

Most competent Dreamcast fighting game reviews talk about this game mechanic or that, as though the reversals of Dead or Alive 2 are somehow superior to the reversals of Virtua Fighter 3. I suppose there's merit to that approach. However…

lilica · July 12, 2004

Reader GameCube HG exclusive

Resident Evil 3: Nemesis review

As a quality series presses on from sequel to sequel, one of two things tend to happen. Either the series reaches stagnation, each installment a regurgitation of past success, or the series builds an elaborate foundation for future…

lilica · June 4, 2004

Reader Sega CD Review of the Week

AH-3 Thunderstrike review

Back when Core was cool, they created a next generation classic. This game's inauspicious debut on the red-headed Sega CD may not have enraptured collective gamerdom, but it caught the eyes of magazine editors and journalists across two…

lilica · May 28, 2004