Review Archives (All Reviews)

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	Xenogears review (PSX) Reviewed on December 18, 2005 Two tailors arrive at a palace. Sly and scheming, they offer to spin garments for the Emperor out of a fabric so delicate that it appears invisible to all those too dull to appreciate its inestimable quality. The Emperor pays them and gives them the gold thread they request. When the tailors come to fit the fabric, they drape the “clothes” over the Emperor and place him before a mirror. The Emperor, sweating bullets now, seeing nothing but unwilling to make a fool of himself, says, “Yes, this is...	0.5/5
	Ninja Spirit review (TG16) Reviewed on October 07, 2005 Herodotus writes that on the eve of battle with the Persian army, the Greek hero Dienekes was told that the Persian archers were so numerous that the mass of arrows, when they launched their volleys, blocked out the sun. Quite undaunted by this prospect, Dienekes responded: "Good. Then we shall have our battle in the shade." The boldness of Dienekes is shared by Moonlight, the hero of Ninja Spirit, though he faces more swords than arrows. His father murdered, Moonlight undertakes a missio...	4/5
	Contra: Hard Corps review (GEN) Reviewed on September 19, 2004 Contra. Forgive me the mild cliché, but the Nicaragua connection is too good not to bring up first thing, every time. Really now: the Contras were rapists, murderers, and terrorist thugs who plagued the countryside of a hapless Central American nation – and incontestably were the good guys. Equally the digital Contras, for all that they are an elite force dedicated to defeating the extraterrestrial aggressor, are mangy, despicable, homicidal-glint-in-the-eye folks you cross to the ...	5/5
	Star Ocean: The Second Story review (PSX) Reviewed on July 17, 2004 Here’s a math problem for you. Take one of the most respected RPG development companies in the world, Enix; add two other talented production houses, Tri-Ace and Links. Now factor in two separate storylines, a party of up to eight characters chosen by the player from all parts of an obsessively detailed fantasy world, and a seemingly endless array of skills and special abilities. It would be easy to say this all sums to a great game -- but a more accurate result would simply be to name the produ...	5/5
	Ghosts 'N Goblins review (NES) Reviewed on July 10, 2004 It’s said that whatever doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger. But Ghosts ‘n Goblins undresses that reassuring bromide conclusively: this NES cart can hardly kill you, but is nonetheless thoroughly debilitating.	1/5
	Animal Snap: Rescue Them 2 By 2 review (GBA) Reviewed on July 03, 2004 Animal Snap is a game that defies expectations. Sadly, the trust it most thoroughly trounces is your faith that game developers possess a bare minimum of competence.	1/5
	Syphon Filter 3 review (PSX) Reviewed on July 03, 2004 It was an afterthought of a game, tacked on at the last gasp of a console rich in glory but slowly fading away. So it’s not surprising that Syphon Filter 3 lacked the tantalizing lure that made its two predecessors huge sellers -- folks were already too busy ogling PS2 titles like Metal Gear Solid 2. But SF3 certainly deserved better than to be passed over like that -- while players were anticipating the dawn of some new era of gaming, they missed the last dim star in the tw...	3.5/5
	Wild Arms 3 review (PS2) Reviewed on June 26, 2004 Superficiality has rarely if ever bothered me in a woman, as much as today’s culture urges that it should, but I’d always believed it would bother me in a video game. After all, aren’t I supposed to be looking for depth there? Some unique appeal to make my investment of time worthwhile? This was my frame of mind until I picked up Wild Arms 3 -- a game that convinced me of the joys of the superficial and the gentle pleasure of the shallow.	4/5
	X-Change review (PC) Reviewed on June 20, 2004 If in earlier days, or perhaps even now, you were like most young men -- and all you ladies out there, I’m guessing you weren’t -- you probably at some point wished yourself a girl. That’s right -- a frilly dress-wearing, tea party-hosting, Nancy Drew-reading girl. Well I’m here to disillusion you and hopefully break you of those twisted desires, because if X-Change is any indicator -- and knowing the reputed mystical insights possessed by your average Japanese game designer, it probably ...	2/5
	Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic review (PC) Reviewed on June 19, 2004 In that familiar galaxy far, far away, some 4000 years before the long-ago events of the two Star Wars film trilogies, the Republic is threatened by a Sith army led by Darth Malak. Its fate lies with the sultry yet sour-mouthed Jedi Bastilla, who possesses a potent ability called Battle Meditation that allowed her to kill Malak’s former master Revan. She’s not doing so well as the game opens, though, as a Sith armada destroys her vessel and forces her to hide out on Taris, a decaying urban world...	4.5/5
	Disney's Aladdin review (GEN) Reviewed on June 03, 2004 Aladdin, at least in this Genesis incarnation, is well-known for being splendidly animated, for recalling the film marvelously, and for being a wholehearted sensory delight. Now surely the film was great -- many of my generation feel a twinge of nostalgia at the mere mention of the grandstanding blue Genie or the audacious mischief of Jafar. Our hearts skip a beat when you mention the touching tableau of the starveling street urchin canoodling with the gorgeous princess upon his magic car...	4.5/5
	Super C review (NES) Reviewed on May 14, 2004 The Nicaraguan Contras were among the most brutal terrorists the United States has ever funded, visiting heinous carnage on helpless civilians in their crusade against the leftist Sandinista government. But don’t make the mistake of associating “contra” with terrorism -- all the word refers to is opposition. So it’s unsurprising Konami chose the word for their Contra series -- games famed from the first moment for outrageous difficulty, for endless waves of powerful enemies, for tough bos...	4.5/5
	Kickle Cubicle review (NES) Reviewed on May 02, 2004 Demented, terroristic clowns?	3/5
	Water Closet: The Forbidden Chamber review (PC) Reviewed on April 24, 2004 There are times when you hear or read the title of a game, and right then, without question, you know you must buy that game. Sometimes, a name might remind you of an old favorite on a long-obsolete console, recalling the fond days of your youth; for instance, when I heard of Metroid Prime, I thought of the joyous hours I had playing Metroid and Super Metroid so many years ago. Immediately and without reservations, I wanted the new title. Other times, a name may represent a proven series ...	2/5
	Metal Gear Solid review (PSX) Reviewed on April 24, 2004 Konami’s Metal Gear series had, frankly, a fairly undistinguished history. Metal Gear and Metal Gear 2 developed new genre in which stealth was of overriding importance; there were guards everywhere, and they attacked relentlessly if they spotted you, so the only road to survival was to stay hidden. Yet despite appearing on both the NES and MSX consoles, the games never really took off in the way they deserved. But wait -- like the Final Fantasy series, Metal Gear was ready to make the turn from...	5/5
	Mike Tyson's Punch-Out! review (NES) Reviewed on April 24, 2004 “[He] called me a ‘rapist’ and a ‘recluse.’ I’m not a recluse.” Perhaps these were the words that started it all. When you think of all the people you wouldn’t want to be trapped alone in a room with, Mike Tyson is perhaps among the first to come to mind. After all, he’s only on the Zoloft to keep from killing y’all. Iron Mike is a fearsome giant of a man, with the strength of a bull and the brain of a billygoat. Now usually, when an athlete is licensed to appear in a game, he or she is a...	4/5
	Battle Chess review (NES) Reviewed on April 24, 2004 Only in recent years, we have seen a computer, Deep Blue, beat the greatest chess player on the planet in a tournament, proving without doubt that a well-programmed logical machine can match any human intellect, at least in the world of chess. Of course, Battle Chess, being a Nintendo game, does not feature quite the level of sophistication that was built into the Deep Blue supercomputer. Still, it is able to accommodate and utilize all the rules of the game, and for most players will at least b...	1.5/5
	Barbie Vacation Adventure review (GEN) Reviewed on April 24, 2004 Despite the commotion from various women’s groups over the years about the Barbie doll promoting an unrealistic standard of beauty for young girls, the long-legged plastic figurine is a powerful brand symbol. That brand has expanded strongly into the world of video games; recent Barbie titles, I am assured, capture successfully the fashion design and glamorous lifestyle roleplay associated with the doll itself. The Genesis game, however, as one of the first Barbie video games, clearly is an earl...	1/5
	UNLIMITED SaGa review (PS2) Reviewed on April 24, 2004 The localization team for the new Square Enix amalgamation needs to get its act together, quickly, and decide how the name of this game is supposed to look. It’s disconcerting to sit down, ready to write a review, and discover that there is not only no consensus on the quality of the game, but no consensus on how to write the title of the product. Sure, in Japanese it’s just a handful of funny symbols, so Square Enix’s bigwigs might not have an interest, but the folks on this side of the Pacific...	2/5
	Final Fantasy X-2 review (PS2) Reviewed on April 24, 2004 Oddly enough, Final Fantasy’s first testing of the murky sequel waters is a sequel in the deepest sense of the word. Often when we say sequel, we mean it in the way that, for instance, Donkey Kong Country 2 is a sequel to its first part: simply a new story with the same characters and settings. Usually, video game sequels don’t follow directly from their predecessor, as producers don’t want to alienate potential buyers who haven’t tried the first title. But Final Fantasy X-2 is a true seq...	4.5/5

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