Reviews by bloomer, page 4

Altered Beast review

Altered Beast in all its forms has always worried at my psyche. It's a game for which I have strong pangs of contrary feeling. I say to myself 'I admire this game! It's very nasty and I like it!' But whenever I play it again, I'm never…

bloomer · February 6, 2004

Reader PC

Ace of Spades review

There's a casino-bar where all the big movers like Mr Sidewalker go, where the playboys about town don't have to bet money (or anything apparently) and where half the staff seem to be enslaved by the other half. Playboys who win at…

bloomer · February 6, 2004

Reader NeoGeo

NAM-1975 review

The Deer Hunter Apocalypse Now Platoon Full Metal Jacket NAM 1975 Why does the Vietnam War haunt and fascinate us all so much in a manner entirely different to the bigger World Wars? Maybe because it was so recent. Maybe because it was a…

bloomer · February 6, 2004

Reader NeoGeo

Magician Lord review

''What imprudence, you human being! Face your trial by god!'' SCREECH... Imprudence? If you thought that was a pretty strange insult to be flinging around, well, you're righter than rain. The moustached villain in Magician Lord is always…

bloomer · February 6, 2004

Reader Mac

Voyeur review

Preface -- Just like the game it describes, this review is recommended for Mature Audiences only (15+). Both game and review are unsuitable for younger gamers, and will bore and confuse younger gamers, so if that's you I'm just trying to…

bloomer · February 6, 2004

Reader Mac

Marathon review

The Oath of the Vidmaster (from the Marathon Level Bypass dialogue) I pledge to punch all switches, to never shoot where I could use grenades, to admit the existence of no level other than Total Carnage, to never use Caps Lock as my 'run'…

bloomer · February 6, 2004

Reader Mac

Factory review

Assembly lines are a necessary and largely invisible evil of our time. Ever since the industrial revolution, people have had to reluctantly man those unforgiving conveyer belts to perform such repetitive tasks as assembling greaseburgers…

bloomer · February 6, 2004

Reader Mac

Diablo review

The Diablo phenomenon had already flowered profusely amongst PC gamers by the time the game found its way to the Macintosh realm in 1998. The Mac demo version of the game was only shipping on the cover CDs of computer magazines halfway…

bloomer · February 6, 2004

Reader Mac

Burn: Cycle review

Burn:Cycle is an early generation (1994) 'interactive movie' style sci-fi adventure, hot off the CD-I to your Mac or PC. While it's very ambitious and succeeds on many levels, enough to be memorable, it does suffer from the typical problem…

bloomer · February 6, 2004

Reader Mac

Astro Chase 3D review

Astro Chase 3D is a GREAT little space action game. I had to get that off my chest immediately because my first impressions of this game were terrifyingly off the mark. Confession: I bought it because it was cheap, read the confusing…

bloomer · February 6, 2004

Reader Mac

Alone in the Dark 2 review

Alone in the dark, Alone in the twilight, Alone in the floodlights... Stuff the lighting, it's all the same to me so long as I'm not alone with this game. Alone with the Pain The Alone In the Dark (AITD) games from the early 1990s have…

bloomer · February 6, 2004

Reader Mac

Alone in the Dark review

I'm in a mansion surrounded by killer statues, twangy polygonal dogs and inscrutable instant-kill figures who sit in armchairs. There's a note stuck behind the piano if I'd only remember to look there, but that's no great comfort when even…

bloomer · February 6, 2004

Reader GameCube

The Scorpion King: Rise of the Akkadian review

'I stand alone!' roar Godsmack in the head-banging title song from the film and the game of The Scorpion King (SK). 'He sure does,' seems the only acceptable response here. After all, would you argue with The Rock? Or with one of those…

bloomer · February 6, 2004

Reader GameCube

Lost Kingdoms review

From the Nintendo-Pokemon school of Collection Mania springs Lost Kingdoms, (LK) the Gamecube's sparkly debut RPG set in a world of fairies, runestones and collectible enchanted cards. High on fighting and the loving management and…

bloomer · February 6, 2004

Reader GameCube

Dark Summit review

There's no way in hell that real-life snowboarders could be anywhere near as cool, as great, as generous or just as plain wonderful as Naya, the heroine of THQ's Dark Summit (DS). Come to think of it, nobody in the world could be as great…

bloomer · February 6, 2004

Reader Commodore 64

Uridium review

Uridium /juridiem/. n. 1. Fictional metallic element. 2. The light-speed Commodore 64 space shoot-em-up from 1985 named for this element. Uridium, from Commodore 64 legend Andrew Braybrook, is as terrifyingly fast as computer games have…

bloomer · February 6, 2004

Reader Arcade

Trojan review

Trojan is a side-scrolling hack-em-up game from Capcom which I played in the flesh just ONCE in a milk bar during pre-teenhood, circa 1986. I have incredibly vivid memories of that lone encounter, and the tale of my first reunion with the…

bloomer · February 5, 2004

Reader Arcade

Krull review

Krull Ah, such a wondrous movie, such a tragic and convoluted tale surrounding it, such an arcade game. Gather round everyone and listen to the story... I'll start off by telling you that Krull is one of my favourite movies in this…

bloomer · February 5, 2004

Reader Apple II

Zorro review

Thinking of Zorro for the Apple II tends to make me think of The Goonies for the Apple II. Then my third thought in the chain is usually, 'I'd rather be playing Bruce Lee.' Rick Mirsky programmed all three of these platformers in a similar…

bloomer · February 5, 2004

Reader Apple II

Strange Odyssey review

SOME GAS COMES OUT OF THE HOSE FOR AWHILE THEN STOPS - MY SUIT POPPED OPEN! MY AIR RAN OUT! - I'M DEAD! Have you been pining to read a death message as cute and chillingly succinct as this one for years? If so, you should make a beeline…

bloomer · February 5, 2004