Review Archives (All Reviews)

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Available Reviews
	Normy's Beach Babe-O-Rama review (GEN) Reviewed on December 09, 2003 To call it a lapse of good judgment on my part would be a sickening understatement, because believe it or not, I actually had high hopes for Normy's Beach Babe-O-Rama (Electronic Arts, 1994). When a friend shows you such an off-the-wall game, there is an innate obligation to play it and see what it's like just to appease your friend's desires. This is what happened to me as I sat helplessly behind a barrage of praise including phrases like ''This game is hilarious'', ''You'll love this game that...
	Ka-Ge-Ki: Fists of Steel review (GEN) Reviewed on December 09, 2003 After hesitantly accepting the HANGEDMAN CHALLENGE, I figured out why this game is called Ka Ge Ki. To understand the title better, one must break these three two-letter words down and investigate them individually.
	MLB SlugFest 20-03 review (GCN) Reviewed on December 09, 2003 To the best of my foggy recollection, baseball was invented in the late 19th century as the result of a bet between James Naismith and Abner Cooperstown to see who could come up with the manlier sport. Naismith, of course, had the foresight to see past the peach baskets and ladders and realize what great media scandals and bad video games Allen Iverson and Shaquille O'Neal would spawn, respectively. That man was a genius. The best Abner could come up with off the top of his head was Darryl Straw...
	Mario Golf: Toadstool Tour review (GCN) Reviewed on December 09, 2003 Mario Golf: Toadstool Tour doesn't take itself seriously. Seeing as how last time I checked, Nintendo was still aiming for the fetal-to-crawling demographic, there's no reason why it should. The first game it reminded me of was the excellent Hot Shots Golf on the original PlayStation. That was the first game I can recall that made a cartoon out of the sport and yet still succeeded in being a magnificent simulation of the real thing. Now, here we are more than half a decade later, graced with a s...
	WarioWare, Inc: Mega Microgame$! review (GBA) Reviewed on December 09, 2003 Do you have a short attention span? Do long, drawn-out adventures like Final Fantasy X hold your interest for a while and then gather dust on a lonely shelf with the rest of your unfinished games? Do you take pills because a talking head in a white coat brainwashed you and your parents into believing that your hyperactivity inhibits all normal interaction with society? If so, then you may not know it yet, but Wario Ware Inc.: Mega Microgames is screaming to you from the confines of its glass dis...
	Super Street Fighter II Turbo: Revival review (GBA) Reviewed on December 09, 2003 If anything, Super Street Fighter II Turbo Revival (Capcom, 2001) takes home the award for longest name of a Street Fighter game. Why, slap on some EX + Alpha Double Third Strike Zero X and you've got yourself a bona fide super jam-packed fighter! However, it's easy to see how such a game would be overlooked, seeing as how many people have already played SSF2 at some point in their lives if they dare to claim to be anything of a Street Fighter fan. This is in addition to the fact that many peopl...
	Monster Rancher Advance review (GBA) Reviewed on December 09, 2003 Monster Rancher is a series that has enjoyed a smooth ride with very few major hitches, and it is possibly even more of a smash hit than Pokemon or Yu-Gi-Oh if you consider that it has met with prosperity despite lacking any hype or a successful cartoon (obviously a very important quality) to back it up. Though there have been so many variations implemented as to make the games more suited to highly eclectic tastes, overall the trilogy and its spinoffs have been well-received by critics and high...
	Tetris Attack review (GB) Reviewed on December 09, 2003 Some months back, I took a look at Tetris Attack, one of the greatest puzzlers to honor a 16-bit platform with its presence. Branded as a Tetris game but strangely infested by Yoshi and his weird friends, it would have been one bland puzzler save for one great feature: the ability to eliminate groups of at least three blocks, causing the ones above it to fall to the nearest stable ground. This opened up the possibilities of simultaneous multiple completed sets. When set up correctly, you could s...
	Donkey Kong review (GB) Reviewed on December 09, 2003 In the first level, you progressed upward through a series of tiers while bounding over barrels and swinging a hammer - your only line of defense against the unstoppable rolling barrel squadron.
	Battletoads review (GB) Reviewed on December 09, 2003 I'll be frank. I hated the NES Battletoads. Playing alone was as boring as watching a documentary about driftwood, except around the third level or so the driftwood repeatedly slammed into your face with the force of a thousand rhinoceros horns and caused you to expend your three valuable continues and have to start over from the very beginning of the game. I won't even try to claim old-school status here; Battletoads is just freakin' hard with no justification whatsoever. Although there were se...
	Ristar review (GG) Reviewed on December 09, 2003 The evil doings of Greedy roused a sleeping star. His name is Ristar. We’ve seen him before; he took on Greedy in his side-scrolling Sega Genesis adventure with such style and grace as to cement for himself a place among the very best in his genre. The cutesy platformer genre (also known as the mascot genre) was imbued with the young star’s startling brilliance, and though Ristar never achieved the popularity of a Super Mario, or a Sonic, those who have taken control of the celestial phenomenon know his greatness.
	Sonic the Hedgehog 2 review (GG) Reviewed on December 09, 2003 The obnoxious, unforgiving failure that is Sonic the Hedgehog 2 for the Game Gear can be extremely enjoyable on a very obscure, smallish level. Unfortunately, to access that slim slice of playability, cheating is necessary and encouraged.
	The Lucky Dime Caper Starring Donald Duck review (GG) Reviewed on December 09, 2003 It all begins on Huey, Dewey, and Louie’s birthday, as Uncle Scrooge gives each of them a lucky dime as a gift. When the boys inquire why their cheapskate uncle couldn't buy them something good, like BeyBlades or whatever it is kids like, the despicable miser tells them a lame copout tale of his rise to riches from a time when he started out with just one dime (snicker).
	Revenge of Drancon review (GG) Reviewed on December 09, 2003 Nice one, Sega. You see, Sega already released this game for their Master System console years before the arrival of their Game Gear unit. It was called Wonderboy.
	Aerial Assault review (GG) Reviewed on December 09, 2003 I've never played a slower shooter than Aerial Assault. Perhaps the SNES's Blazeon comes close, but aside from that, nothing can touch the outright languidness with which this shooter scrolls along. Shooter skies are normally veritable metal gauntlets of enemy craft, filled in with labyrinths of laser fire. Not Aerial Assault. Most skies are completely serene and empty, the same backdrop passing by over and over again like a Flintstones episode.
	Super Monkey Ball review (GCN) Reviewed on December 07, 2003 Do you have fond memories of Marble Madness? Well, I don't. The concept was cool enough, but trying to make a game like that with the limited resources of the 80s was just a bad idea. What that game needed was some advanced technology. So here it is, and Sega reinvented the classic with its sleeper hit Super Monkey Ball. Same basic idea, just done correctly this time. Oh, it has its problems, of course. But this is still one of the most unique, refreshing, and pleasant games I've played i...
	Ikaruga review (GCN) Reviewed on December 07, 2003 If a white attack hits you while you're white, you don't receive damage--in fact, you absorb power which can then be stored for a special attack. However, if a black attack hits you while you're white, your ship explodes, and you lose a life. Obviously, this system works the other way around as well. What sounds like a fairly simple concept makes for some of the most intense gaming moments I have ever come across.
	Final Fantasy Tactics Advance review (GBA) Reviewed on December 06, 2003 What this means is that if you're willing to devote enough time to the effort, you can have a kickass warrior who isn't afraid to cast a healing spell every once in awhile. Of course, the downside to all of this is that while you're learning those killer mage skills, you're weak to physical attacks from enemies. Or while you're learning how to handle a sword, you're dumb as a post and can't use magic.
	Neutopia review (TG16) Reviewed on December 06, 2003 Neutopia may be the darkest of all action-RPGs I've come across, as if a layer of the brightest colour was stripped away. Even the colour of the sunlit outdoors is subdued. Similarly, the trumpeting fanfare that sounds games of this ilk is not so evident here. Instead, the music of the spheres seems wistful, and is easily overpowered for thematic presence by the somber sweetness of the Labyrinths' tunes.
	Legendary Axe II review (TG16) Reviewed on December 06, 2003 At the best of times, Axe II's atmosphere is a hypnotic, quiet storm, like a side-scrolling, medieval Silent Hill; but at the worst of times it is just a morose mission of tedium.

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