Review Archives (All Reviews)

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Available Reviews
	Alex Kidd: The Lost Stars review (SMS) Reviewed on January 12, 2004 The game is so colourful in fact, that a cursory glance at screenshots gives you the impression you are looking at a children’s book. Games that would appear many years later, such as Super Mario Brothers 3 and Yoshi’s Island, will spring to mind. There is a definite, simplified artistry at work in Sega’s cartridge.
	Alex Kidd in Miracle World review (SMS) Reviewed on January 12, 2004 So what's Janken? Well, young Alex defeats his tougher foes (Janken the Great's henchmen with names like Scissorhead, whose head actually looks like a hand in the shape of scissors) by nonviolent means; bringing his great 'skill' at paper, rock, scissors to bear. Odd that a game of chance should decide so much of your progress, but there's hope. A crystal ball is available, often hidden and often stocked in shops strewn throughout what is certainly an impressive collection of locales. The ball is vital, as it allows you to see your adversary's thoughts so that you can plan your Janken 'strategy' accordingly.
	Alex Kidd: High-Tech World review (SMS) Reviewed on January 12, 2004 Alex’s friend approaches him with an invitation to go to a new arcade. The prospect becomes more and more dubious as the fool friend not only informs us that he doesn’t know where the arcade is, but that the map he had of its location has been torn into eight pieces, all of which are lost in Alex’s castle (he’s a prince, you know). “High Tech World” is ostensibly the name Sega has given to the far off arcade, and so the game doesn’t actually occur in a world of robots and other futuristic coolness. So yes, the title is quite misleading. But don’t fret about that; there are far worse things to worry about as the game progresses.
	After Burner review (SMS) Reviewed on January 12, 2004 This game hardly warrants five minutes of your time. While it’s true that Sega had imposed upon its underpowered Master System the difficult task of representing powerful arcade blockbusters that utilized cabinet gimmicks (such as the coin-op Afterburner’s cockpit arrangement) on the small screen at home, that’s no excuse for this sub-sub par effort. The port of Golden Axe was great, Shinobi was good, Hang On was decent, and hell, even the game that was slower than ex-rap star Mase’s delivery, Altered Beast, showed more promise.
	Super Metroid review (SNES) Reviewed on January 11, 2004 Metroids. Most terrifying of alien life-forms, they float about effortlessly while seeking their prey. Upon spotting a target, they swoop down, clamp down with their mighty jaws, and feast on the energy of their hapless victim. When their hunger is finally satisfied, they float away just as easily, leaving nothing but a hollow shell of their dinner that crumbles with the slightest touch.
	Arcana review (SNES) Reviewed on January 11, 2004 Average.
	Violent Storm review (ARC) Reviewed on January 10, 2004 Admittedly, there are many games that I would slap under the heading of “Final Fight clone.” There are two reasons that FF is the achievement by which all other side-scrolling beat-em-‘ups are measured: its astounding quality (at least in its original, arcade form), and second, because the genre doesn’t exactly allow for a whole lot of variation, and FF just happens to be the title that most people first remember when they consider the genre. Walking from left to right and smacking the snot out ...
	Sonic Heroes review (GCN) Reviewed on January 10, 2004 There is always one who is the fast one, another who flies, and a third who packs a powerful punch that can break blocks and the like. Though each team has a different plot, the way they approach the stages varies only slightly. Whether it's Knuckles or Big the Cat punching blocks, the feeling is not much different. The real sense of variety instead comes from the number of ways you can approach a given area.
	Bombastic review (PS2) Reviewed on January 10, 2004 If you manage to line up three connecting dice with that number facing up, those dice will then ignite and, after a short time, explode. This is where Bombastic gets its title. Once a set of such dice explodes, a blast extends a number of panels equivalent to the number on the dice's face.
	Ka-Ge-Ki: Fists of Steel review (GEN) Reviewed on January 09, 2004 In reality, Ka Ge Ki got all the attention it now has when Hangedman, a reviewing buddy, got the idea of asking everyone to review the game. And thus did some reviewers who obviously had time and money to spare.
	Guilty Gear XX review (ARC) Reviewed on January 08, 2004 Tread carefully, young gamers, for you are entering dangerous territory. You may THINK you are prepared for Guilty Gear XX, but you are wrong. You may be tournament-worthy in several games that house the ''Street Fighter'' name. You can manhandle the competition in a variety of games created by those 3 mystical initials ''SNK''. You may even perform wondrous feats of acrobatic aggression that span three dimensions in the combative worlds of Namco, Sega, and Tecmo. But to assume that a company su...
	Toki review (NES) Reviewed on January 07, 2004 Toki is an ape. He even walks like one, and it's an endearing trait. I was pretty impressed by the genuine monkey gait he gets into, especially when he's going down a slight grade, and you see his little legs adjust and buckle as they work down the incline. It's a really cool sight, and it had me smiling. Speaking of smiling, Toki smiles a wide, gap-toothed grin after clearing a level, which looks a little bit like this: =B
	Super Mario Bros. 3 review (NES) Reviewed on January 07, 2004 We miss the point. The majority of the video game demographic is comprised of young males, so it's no wonder. We are a petty, short-sighted, goal-oriented animal. When Brad asks Sheila, ''how was the sex?'' she replies emotionally, ''an hour of wondrous lovemaking,'' seemingly putting her whole being into the response. Even so, Brad won’t be impressed: ''but did you come?''
	Super Mario Bros. 2 review (NES) Reviewed on January 07, 2004 The story is a departure from standard Mario fare. Bowser's off making kids with a mysterious sperm receptacle of a woman (the guy's like Michael Jackson - he doesn't keep the poor mother around). The demented offspring of the unsavory union would later help him rule with an iron fist in SMB3. So, to amuse himself in his nemesis's absence, Mario enlists the help of his friends: gangly green-clad brother Luigi; the stocky, mushroom-domed Toad, and the ''I can too fight just like the boys - see I'm not the quarry this time'' Princess Toadstool.
	Star Soldier review (NES) Reviewed on January 07, 2004 Right away, fast moving enemies cascade down the screen. You’ll see the inspiration for the follow up game, Super Star Soldier for the Turbografx-16 (well, obviously), but also for Blazing Lazers for that same system. You'll play this game and think, ''the vertical shooter genre hasn't come very far, has it? Star Soldier had it all!'' That's very high praise you're giving out, you know. But other than the fact that variety is lacking, and there’s no real ending, it’s true. Star Soldier does appear to have it all - Hudson Soft be praised.
	Shinobi review (NES) Reviewed on January 07, 2004 Tengen makes us laugh right away, however unintentionally. The title screen is supposed to feature the face of our hero, beneath the traditional black ninja mask. His expression should be menacing, confident, his eyes should communicate this to us. Instead, Tengen has him slightly cross-eyed, beady-eyed, and wholly lacking proper pupils. You think to yourself, ''man, if they can’t get this right…''
	Ninja Gaiden III: The Ancient Ship of Doom review (NES) Reviewed on January 07, 2004 Ninja Gaiden 2 was as beautiful as NES platformers come! Well, understandably, Ryu hasn’t changed - his sprite is virtually identical in all three games. Most of the enemies are different naturally, and they’re a decent bunch, the mostly mindless menagerie comprised mainly of zombie types and robots. Sadly, there are no high-kicking Karatekas knocking you off cliffs, or afro wearing boxers doing the same. The game has a decidedly futuristic tilt, and as such, it's robots, robots, robots, with a good deal of alien weirdness thrown in for good measure.
	Ninja Gaiden II: The Dark Sword of Chaos review (NES) Reviewed on January 07, 2004 Wrestle with darkness, dancing flames and an airborne android in the mysterious Tower of Lahja before beginning the fourth leg of the journey, where waters flow eternally and Naga Sotuva lives on, a blasphemous embodiment of dinosaurs out of time. Defeat him, and face permeating cold and ice and spikes, the unwelcome mat to the seemingly premature placement for the final confrontation with Ashtar. But indeed this is the evil place where he quietly, hermetically awaits your company, as if birthed from his dark womb that crackles with deathly energy.
	Ninja Gaiden review (NES) Reviewed on January 07, 2004 If you’ve played the arcade game with the same name, forget what you’ve seen. The Double Dragon-esque play and look of that somewhat overhead coin-op has been replaced by straight up side-scrolling swashbuckling and a massive dose of taxing platform-leaping. If Super Mario Brothers is your nemesis, you may well forget about taking on the Jaquio and his forces - you’ll be sliced and diced, dropped into bottomless pits and, despite unlimited continues, you will curse and beset upon your controller with intent to kill.
	Minesweeper review (PC) Reviewed on January 06, 2004 I've got too much time on my hands, and I don't know what to do with it all

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