Review Archives (All Reviews)

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	Ninja Gaiden II: The Dark Sword of Chaos review (NES) Reviewed on January 07, 2004 Wrestle with darkness, dancing flames and an airborne android in the mysterious Tower of Lahja before beginning the fourth leg of the journey, where waters flow eternally and Naga Sotuva lives on, a blasphemous embodiment of dinosaurs out of time. Defeat him, and face permeating cold and ice and spikes, the unwelcome mat to the seemingly premature placement for the final confrontation with Ashtar. But indeed this is the evil place where he quietly, hermetically awaits your company, as if birthed from his dark womb that crackles with deathly energy.
	Ninja Gaiden review (NES) Reviewed on January 07, 2004 If you’ve played the arcade game with the same name, forget what you’ve seen. The Double Dragon-esque play and look of that somewhat overhead coin-op has been replaced by straight up side-scrolling swashbuckling and a massive dose of taxing platform-leaping. If Super Mario Brothers is your nemesis, you may well forget about taking on the Jaquio and his forces - you’ll be sliced and diced, dropped into bottomless pits and, despite unlimited continues, you will curse and beset upon your controller with intent to kill.
	Minesweeper review (PC) Reviewed on January 06, 2004 I've got too much time on my hands, and I don't know what to do with it all
	Klax review (NES) Reviewed on January 05, 2004 Some people are just so desperate to get rich quick, even if it means stealing another person's idea. The makers of Klax seemed to have an intention of cashing in on the success of the puzzle game that took the world by a raging storm, Tetris. If I didn't know any better, I'd assume that they did a poor job of cloning Tetris and getting rich off of it, since I'm the first one to review Klax for the NES on this massive site.
	Magmax review (NES) Reviewed on January 03, 2004 Magmax allows you to go nowhere fast. I wasn’t aware that the game was one of those simplistic early looping shooters until it registered in my laser-riddled brain that my glazed eyes had been seeing the same backgrounds pass by, over and over and over…
	Life Force review (NES) Reviewed on January 03, 2004 Take on a massive brain/Cyclops, press through tight spots raining volcanic rock, and reach the famous fire level. It might not look like much these days, but the raging, pseudo-sentient arcing flames were a technological marvel at the time of the game’s release. Was the NES really doing this? Yes, it was, and it still is.
	Kung Fu review (NES) Reviewed on January 03, 2004 The little guys are midgets clad in green, who do an admirable job of keeping pace with the huggers. The first time you see them, you might think to yourself, ''hey, the huggers brought their kids to work,'' or something like that. At least, that's what I thought. I thought the whole idea of having these little guys involved in the fight was slightly disturbing. Are they child soldiers? Or is the game poking fun at midgets? Who can tell?
	Gradius review (NES) Reviewed on January 03, 2004 From deep space and the theme that accompanies it, we fly full tilt into the earthly environs of level one. Dormant volcanoes line the ground, until at last, one volcano proves to be active, and violently so. Hide, and pray, and shoot, and survive the angry magma to fight Gradius' only boss (outside of the final one, snicker. More on him later). A nondescript ship faces off with you on the right of the screen and moves up and down, loosing volleys of slivery blue lasers. The same pattern is necessary for every level when he greets you. Take his eye out for the first time in level one, knowing that it won’t be the last.
	Light Crusader review (GEN) Reviewed on January 01, 2004 As gaming has progressed through the years, new technology has enabled us to play new concepts which were not possible before. Platformers and shooters suddenly accommodated a third dimension for us to explore with the invention of the thirty-two-bit era. Many new options seems available to developers with each release and us gamers can look forward to several new ground breaking games each year.
	The Simpsons: Hit & Run review (GCN) Reviewed on January 01, 2004 Gamecube owners, take note of Simpsons: Hit & Run, the newest Simpsons game by Radical that, in following with its predecessor Road Rage, takes some other company's smash hit and puts a distinctly Springfieldian spin on it. The victim this time: Grand Theft Auto III.
	ESPN NHL Hockey review (XBX) Reviewed on January 01, 2004 I was with a group of friends at a party, the Xbox was set up, and the owner of the system owned the game as well. We settled down, got comfortable, and got ready for some two-on-two action. I'll stop you right there: we were fully clothed. I promise. Back to hockey then?
	Acid Drop review (A2600) Reviewed on January 01, 2004 Today’s topic in the wide world of Atari 2600 reviewing is a true oddity. Salu’s 1992... yes 1992... release, Acid Drop. Apparently, the Atari 2600 still had a following in Europe in the early 90s, and Salu released several titles during this period. Acid Drop was a clone of the1990 Genesis release, Columns. How well did the classic puzzler transfer to the limited hardware of the Atari 2600? Well, to be sure, Acid Drop is a mixed bag. The gameplay itself ...
	Barnstorming review (A2600) Reviewed on January 01, 2004 Steve Cartwright, of Activision brings us the focus of our discussion today, Barnstorming. This was Cartwright's freshman effort for Activision, and it turned out pretty well for him. Steve Cartwright went on to have an incredible career in video game programming, and this game was a brilliant start. Cartwright really knew how to coax maximum performance from the Atari 2600.
	Faxanadu review (NES) Reviewed on December 31, 2003 You know this sprite. You’ve seen him brandish a whip in the legendary Castlevania, and bear upon his shoulder a hawk in the not-so-legendary 8 Eyes. He’s the ubiquitous NES adventurer sprite. And he reappears, ready for action, in Faxanadu.
	Castlevania III: Dracula's Curse review (NES) Reviewed on December 31, 2003 Trevor, who powers axe and holy water and dagger and stopwatch with fallen hearts from candles on walls to augment his whipping power; just as Christopher would do before him, and as Simon - the most famous Belmont - would do after him. And then there is Dracula, who is both pitiful and inspirational in his totalitarian rule of despair and depravity, rallying every undead and crumbling and rotting wraith of yesteryear to follow him, to fall in line with him, to encircle his kingdom with grotesque protection and make him whole.
	Castlevania II: Simon's Quest review (NES) Reviewed on December 31, 2003 Despite destroying Dracula in game one, stout-hearted Vampire Killer (that’s a proper title, I’d have you know!) Simon Belmont is stricken by a curse at the hands of the dying despot, and desperately needs to find five of the bloodsucker’s body parts in order to be free of what plagues him. A nasty business to be sure - I’m not altogether certain, but hack Thomas Harris might have lent some assistance in developing the gruesome plot.
	Castlevania review (NES) Reviewed on December 31, 2003 Could Konami have known? Did they have even the slightest inkling that their clichéd tale of a stout, brave-hearted adventurer up against a haunted house and all its various and typical denizens would spawn over a dozen incarnations? Surely not. Yet, something like fifteen years after the first adventure featuring Simon’s side-scrolling simplicity, we are playing Castlevania in pseudo-3D, jaded as we watch impossibly real polygonal presentations of Simon’s pretenders to his legacy doing their thing, while big budget orchestrations sing along sweetly.
	Cabal review (NES) Reviewed on December 31, 2003 So you wanna be a guerilla (what, playing as Donkey Kong isn’t enough?). As mentioned, you can take a buddy along, so that the cabal now has two members (and it's a good thing, because I'm not sure that one constitutes a cabal). The two of you are quite deadly and nothing will intimidate you.
	Astyanax review (NES) Reviewed on December 31, 2003 Thankfully, the story told here can be skipped by pressing the start button. However, should you care to know, Astyanax is a young blonde high school freshman, selected for a world-shattering mission by fate (what else?) and accosted by a fairy from another world named Cutie (what else?). She drags you into her world to rescue a fair princess (Princess Rosebud of Remlia) - against your will. Despite her constant apologies and her help with magic during the proceedings, you can’t help but hate her for getting you into this mess. You were going to lose your virginity that night, and then this!
	Kung Fu Chaos review (XBX) Reviewed on December 30, 2003 I could sit here all day and blow sunshine up your butt, telling you that Kung Fu Chaos doesn’t take stereotypical jabs at those memorable 1970s-era cheesy martial arts films with horrid English translation and disturbing “special effects.” I would be lying — this Power Stone-meets-mini-games brawler literally depends on its players having prior awareness of the atrociously corny, irresistibly goofy movies that occupy overnight time slots on cable networks. You bet KFC is stereotypical — every t...

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