Review Archives (All Reviews)

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	Men in Black: The Series review (GBC) Reviewed on March 07, 2004 Men In Black was a slightly above average film. Dealing with the exploits of a secret team of officials whose job it is to deal with the aliens on Earth, it starred Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones as Agents J and K. While it was hyped beyond belief when it came out, repeat viewing showed some pretty severe flaws in the movie, which was apparently based on a comic book series. Still, it was good enough to spawn a sequel (which was really poor, to be honest) and a cartoon show. And that cartoon spa...
	Montezuma's Return review (GBC) Reviewed on March 07, 2004 Montezuma's Return is a sequel to the ancient (and, frankly, forgotten) game Montezuma's Revenge (I can only assume that the programmers didn't know what this was slang for....). It is extremely unusual to see such an obscure game given a sequel, especially after so long, but if the finished product is this much fun, I hope it's an experiment that will be repeated soon. Take 2 also produced this game for the Game Boy Color, although it is the original Game Boy's edition of the game under the spo...
	Pokemon Gold Version review (GBC) Reviewed on March 07, 2004 It seems that there was a time not to long ago when it was impossible to turn anywhere without seeing some form of (almost always crap) Pokemon merchandise. From lunch boxes to pyjamas to nail polish remover (hey, it's possible!) it seemed that there was nothing that wouldn't get one of the little buggers splashed all over it's packaging. For now, though, it appears that the craze has died away - the lil' children are now all obsessed with Harry Potter or somesuch, and Pokemon has slipped quietl...
	The Rugrats Movie review (GBC) Reviewed on March 07, 2004 There's seemingly an unwritten set of rules by which all licensed Game Boy Color games must follow. Rule one dictates that they must be platformers. Rule two states that they must have about as much substance and intelligence as Anna Nicole Smith. And rule three states that, if it's a children's franchise that is being ported, the game can feel free to be just about as dire as it wants. And if these rules are the factors that judge whether or not a licensed game is worth it's salt, then Rugrats:...
	Super Mario Bros. Deluxe review (GBC) Reviewed on March 07, 2004 History is a tricky thing. Much like the plot lines in Dream Team, it has a habit of repeating itself. Back in the Eighties the release of Super Mario Bros. on the NES set a trend for platform games that is still in evidence today - the whole coin collecting thing, for example, or the various different types of power-ups that can be bestowed upon your platform star. Fast forward to the end of the Nineties. Nintendo re-release the game on the Game Boy Color, and in doing so see the start of anoth...
	The Legend of Zelda: Oracle of Ages review (GBC) Reviewed on March 07, 2004 Nintendo have had several best-selling franchises since the NES days. The most recognisable is almost certainly Pokèmon or Mario, but in terms of pure gaming genius, Zelda must surely top most people's list. For those not in the know, the Zelda series of adventure games was born on the humble NES, way back in the 1980s (remember them? No? Okay, now I feel old). The very first Legend Of Zelda was quickly followed by The Adventure Of Link, before the series flew it's NES coop. Since then it's appe...
	Star Fox Adventures review (GCN) Reviewed on March 06, 2004 If you happen to be a fox, then you'd be forgiven for thinking that you've got it pretty bad right now. Being pursued by upper-class, horse-faced barbarians wearing gaudy, bull-enraging clothing who set the hounds on you for fun can't be great. But be grateful that you don't live in the future - here the foxes are obviously hunted so severely that they have to take to the stars in order to escape. Harsh.
	The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker review (GCN) Reviewed on March 06, 2004 I've got a great idea for a game: you play as a young princess, and your goal is to eat loads of baked beans, sprouts and such. I call it Zelda: The Wind Maker..... Anyone?? Okay, that's it for the flatulence jokes in this review. I promise.
	Zoop review (GEN) Reviewed on March 06, 2004 It's always reassuring to know that the game developers are excited about their product. Their confidence that the game is good brings confidence to us, as consumers. Sometimes, though, developers get so excited that they stop seeming confident and start to delve into the realms of sheer barminess. Such over-eagerness is seen on the packaging of Zoop for the Sega Mega Drive. The back cover blurb promises ''brain-burning action'' and ''Intensifying gameplay''. Blimey! Furthermore, reading the ins...
	Two Crude Dudes review (GEN) Reviewed on March 06, 2004 A fair few years ago now, a game appeared in the arcades and on the humble NES called 'Bad Dudes vs. Dragon Ninja'. It became something of a cult hit, not least because of the shockingly awful opening line, which asks if you are 'a bad enough dude' to rescue the President (or President Ronnie in the Arcade version) from the ninjas. Despite the fact that, although fun in small doses, Bad Dudes wasn't very good, it spawned a sequel. Well, half-sequel, really. Two Crude Dudes on the Sega Mega Drive...
	Theme Park review (GEN) Reviewed on March 06, 2004 A fair few years ago now, while browsing through the second hand section of one of my local game emporiums, I stumbled across a copy of Theme Park for the Mega Drive for £20. Knowing that Theme Park was thought of as a PC classic, but at the time not having a PC, I thought this would be a real bargain: £20 for a game where you could create and run your own theme park (hence the title of the game..) seemed a great deal,. so parting company with my 20 notes I left the store with the game in my swe...
	Street Racer review (GEN) Reviewed on March 06, 2004 Street Racer appeared on several formats in 1995, and it's the Mega Drive version under the microscope here. The brief when creating this game appeared to be to produce a racer that didn't just involve using the cars to race, and while this doesn't make for an exactly unique experience, it certainly made for a refreshing alternative for all the racing game players out there.
	Toki: Going Ape Spit review (GEN) Reviewed on March 06, 2004 It seems to be a current trend to mock early Mega Drive games and say how bad they were, despite the fact that, really, they were damn fine games. Altered Beast is on such example. And in a not unexpected twist, Toki: G A S is another.
	The Lion King review (GEN) Reviewed on March 06, 2004 Back in the day, things were different. Children respected their elders. Chicken, apparently, tasted like chicken. And licensed games from uber-cute, kiddie-brainwashing, mouse loving sentimentalists Disney were welcomed with open arms, as opposed to being avoided like a sugar-coated plague. Before Walt started whoring his characters out to the developers of crappy skateboarding games (not Walt himself, obviously, his corpse is currently living in a freezer, eagerly awaiting the day that boffins...
	Streets of Rage 2 review (GEN) Reviewed on March 06, 2004 Y'all must have heard of this game. For me it is the definitive MegaDrive title, and one of the greatest games ever. However, for the two people out there who have never heard of it, I'll explain why I have come to this view.
	Spot Goes to Hollywood review (GEN) Reviewed on March 06, 2004 Remember Spot?? If you don't, then you must surely have heard of 7-up. Anyways, Spot is a kind of mascot for 7-up, and he featured in a few games in the mid-nineties (this particular example coming out in 1995). If you haven't heard of 7-up, then you may as well go read some other review - things aren't gonna get much better.
	Pitfall: The Mayan Adventure review (GEN) Reviewed on March 06, 2004 A dense, imposing jungle.... Dangerous snakes, bugs and other creepy-crawlies at every turn... A former hero trying to recapture some past glory one last time.... Ancient relics of the past all over the place.... No, I'm not talking about alarmingly compelling TV crapfest I'm A Celebrity... Get Me Out Of Here!!, but rather the Mega Drive game Pitfall: The Mayan Adventure. A pity in a way, as having Johnny Rotten calling us all by the c-word would definitely have spiced up proceedings somewhat......
	James Pond II - Codename: RoboCod review (GEN) Reviewed on March 06, 2004 The younger of you may not remember James Pond, but those of you who remember the 16 bit era will no doubt have spent many happy hours glued to your consoles playing Pond's latest adventure. He was a bit of a videogame icon, y' see. Starring in games across the various systems, Pond was an Agent of F.I.5.H, and featured in several platform games, as well as other diversions, such as Aquatic Games - a kind of Track 'n' Water game. Of all his adventures, though, Codename: Robocod is arguably his m...
	James Pond 3: Operation Starfish review (GEN) Reviewed on March 06, 2004 Don't remember James Pond? If you came to gaming with the 32-bit machines then that's understandable, although in the 16 bit era Pond was a real gaming icon. In the days before Lara Croft or the big orange marsupial our Jimmy was one of the most recognisable game characters, not in the same league as Mario, Luigi and co., Sonic and his friends or Ecco The Dolphin, but not acres behind (especially in his Robocod guise). For the uninitiated, Pond is an agent of F.I.5.H, a kinda sub-aqua MI5, if yo...
	Altered Beast review (GEN) Reviewed on March 06, 2004 There are some moments in life that are bound to be a bit special. In the early nineties, to many happy gamers the arrival of Sega's Mega Drive console was one of those moments. They bought their machine, they plugged it in to the telly, many slotted in Altered Beast into the console and switched it on. The tension was growing... would it all be a huge waste of money, or would it be the greatest thing ever? There's a title screen with impressive, thumping arcade-style music: all good so far. The...

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