Review Archives (All Reviews)

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Available Reviews
	Pac-Man review (ARC) Reviewed on April 24, 2004 As I sit here right now writing this review I feel myself urging to get to that arcade, where I pop a quarter in and turn on the Pac-Man machine and play that incredibly addictive game where you control a little yellow creature who goes around eating dots around a small maze, or better yet play it online at 2:00, and then quickly realize that the time has flown to 4:00 oh so quickly. The addictive game never escapes my head and when I sit down and play the game, I'm just letting the hours fly ar...
	Animorphs: Shattered Reality review (PSX) Reviewed on April 24, 2004 Animorphs is considered by many one of the best book series' ever. The series is comprised of about 52 books in the main series, occasional chronicles of aliens, and a lot of super books, so in all there are about 60 books that the author wrote. That's a lot, so obviously they had to take it further. There were Animorphs posters everywhere, as well as movies and games. Unfortunately, book-based games are never that good...
	Phelios review (GEN) Reviewed on April 24, 2004 Persevere and you’ll witness the standard ‘cave with intestines wiggling in the background’ level, a sky palace where knights flanking you from the rear try to drive lances up your butt, and even a zone where you have to shoot rolling blocks to prevent them from crashing into others and bursting into shrapnel. None of this matters, though, because you’re too busy hoping the portions in between will just end. Not good at all when there are only seven rather short stages in the whole game.
	Water Closet: The Forbidden Chamber review (PC) Reviewed on April 24, 2004 There are times when you hear or read the title of a game, and right then, without question, you know you must buy that game. Sometimes, a name might remind you of an old favorite on a long-obsolete console, recalling the fond days of your youth; for instance, when I heard of Metroid Prime, I thought of the joyous hours I had playing Metroid and Super Metroid so many years ago. Immediately and without reservations, I wanted the new title. Other times, a name may represent a proven series ...
	Metal Gear Solid review (PSX) Reviewed on April 24, 2004 Konami’s Metal Gear series had, frankly, a fairly undistinguished history. Metal Gear and Metal Gear 2 developed new genre in which stealth was of overriding importance; there were guards everywhere, and they attacked relentlessly if they spotted you, so the only road to survival was to stay hidden. Yet despite appearing on both the NES and MSX consoles, the games never really took off in the way they deserved. But wait -- like the Final Fantasy series, Metal Gear was ready to make the turn from...
	Mike Tyson's Punch-Out! review (NES) Reviewed on April 24, 2004 “[He] called me a ‘rapist’ and a ‘recluse.’ I’m not a recluse.” Perhaps these were the words that started it all. When you think of all the people you wouldn’t want to be trapped alone in a room with, Mike Tyson is perhaps among the first to come to mind. After all, he’s only on the Zoloft to keep from killing y’all. Iron Mike is a fearsome giant of a man, with the strength of a bull and the brain of a billygoat. Now usually, when an athlete is licensed to appear in a game, he or she is a...
	Battle Chess review (NES) Reviewed on April 24, 2004 Only in recent years, we have seen a computer, Deep Blue, beat the greatest chess player on the planet in a tournament, proving without doubt that a well-programmed logical machine can match any human intellect, at least in the world of chess. Of course, Battle Chess, being a Nintendo game, does not feature quite the level of sophistication that was built into the Deep Blue supercomputer. Still, it is able to accommodate and utilize all the rules of the game, and for most players will at least b...
	Barbie Vacation Adventure review (GEN) Reviewed on April 24, 2004 Despite the commotion from various women’s groups over the years about the Barbie doll promoting an unrealistic standard of beauty for young girls, the long-legged plastic figurine is a powerful brand symbol. That brand has expanded strongly into the world of video games; recent Barbie titles, I am assured, capture successfully the fashion design and glamorous lifestyle roleplay associated with the doll itself. The Genesis game, however, as one of the first Barbie video games, clearly is an earl...
	UNLIMITED SaGa review (PS2) Reviewed on April 24, 2004 The localization team for the new Square Enix amalgamation needs to get its act together, quickly, and decide how the name of this game is supposed to look. It’s disconcerting to sit down, ready to write a review, and discover that there is not only no consensus on the quality of the game, but no consensus on how to write the title of the product. Sure, in Japanese it’s just a handful of funny symbols, so Square Enix’s bigwigs might not have an interest, but the folks on this side of the Pacific...
	Final Fantasy X-2 review (PS2) Reviewed on April 24, 2004 Oddly enough, Final Fantasy’s first testing of the murky sequel waters is a sequel in the deepest sense of the word. Often when we say sequel, we mean it in the way that, for instance, Donkey Kong Country 2 is a sequel to its first part: simply a new story with the same characters and settings. Usually, video game sequels don’t follow directly from their predecessor, as producers don’t want to alienate potential buyers who haven’t tried the first title. But Final Fantasy X-2 is a true seq...
	Enter the Matrix review (PS2) Reviewed on April 24, 2004 You want to be Neo. Let’s face it, that’s why millions of people bought this game and tens of millions more flocked to see The Matrix Reloaded the first week it came out. The grace, the power, and the seeming invincibility of Neo and his comrades are attractive; who wouldn’t want to be able to run along walls and leap across yawning chasms? Moreover, who could resist doing that while dressed in an outrageous black leather trenchcoat with combat boots? It’s pleasing to imagine that we coul...
	Championship Pro-Am review (GEN) Reviewed on April 24, 2004 It begins to feel like you're sliding around the course, rather than taking advantage of the tight steering you enjoyed early on. Meanwhile, your opponents are doing the same all around you and just ahead. Missiles become extremely important, particularly on final laps, and there's very little that can be more frustrating than pressing the 'B' button only to find that you've used your last shell.
	RLH: Run Like Hell review (PS2) Reviewed on April 21, 2004 I waited for this game for quite a while. But I absolutely refuse to begin this review in the same manner as every other review I’ve ever read for it. They all go along about the same thing: this game was announced before the PS2 was even announced, was in development for quite some time, blah blah blah. Yeah, it took a while to get here. And the end result wasn’t as good as expected. That’s the way it goes sometimes. So here’s a real introduction: Run Like Hell (RLH) is a third-person pe...
	Terranigma review (SNES) Reviewed on April 21, 2004 Terranigma is a bore. There are no two ways about it. Any typically cutesy charm, any simple fun, have been undermined by the title's illusions of grandeur -- it spends so much time trying to manifest a slow build that it just feels slow. Who wants to spend their first two hours or so with an action-RPG slashing at potato bugs and little plants? We are continually assured that greatness is on its way, but the lead up is so tedious that we soon become indifferent as to the possibility of its arrival.
	Advanced Dungeons & Dragons: Pool of Radiance review (NES) Reviewed on April 21, 2004 As any fan of retro role-playing games can tell you, the Nintendo Entertainment System and Sega Master System were the originators of the console RPG. Games like Dragon Warrior and Final Fantasy on the NES and Phantasy Star on the SMS became inspirations for multitudes of games spanning generations of systems.
	The Tick review (SNES) Reviewed on April 20, 2004 Friends and neighbors, I have just returned from an exhausting sojourn. Not long before I left, my chin was smooth and my face was untarnished by age, but now I return to you with a long, straggling beard and many a wrinkle, wart, and pockmark on a visage once considered worthy of a goddess's kiss. Before my arduous voyage, I enjoyed the meat of the land with great voracity - some would say to disgusting excess. No more is my body a reflection of this enjoyment, though; my journey wore me down t...
	EyeToy: Play review (PS2) Reviewed on April 19, 2004 The other day two of my buddies and I were just sitting in my room when all the sudden these ninjas come out of no where and started attacking us. At first, we kept getting hit but eventually we were able to stop their onslaught. It was pretty freaking crazy; we didn’t even realize what was happening. Even worse, a little later we got attacked by this huge boxing robot. I don’t know what the hell that guy was thinking, but we pummeled him just like we were Muhammad Ali. Three soft jabs with the ...
	Burger Time review (NES) Reviewed on April 18, 2004 Several times, Sammy has come face to face with the white devil, only to find himself choking and sputtering on salt as the deviant rushed past. While it's true that the chef has only a limited supply of salt, he can pick up more containers throughout the area (and oft is wont to do so). When a soldier like Sammy is stunned on salt, it's all too easy to fall to his doom before he has a chance to recover.
	Devil World review (NES) Reviewed on April 18, 2004 Satan may steeple his fingers with reserved glee every time a company releases the next Vice City, but deep down, we all know that the Prince of Darkness has a soft spot for the classics. Even in the early 1980s, he was busy at work planting the seeds of moral destruction in games like Pong and Pitfall!, or so the radical right will have you hear. And boy, was his mean streak really showing the day E.T. hit stores! But of all the gaming waters the devil has tainted with his poison fingertip, thi...
	Gladius review (XBX) Reviewed on April 16, 2004 The moves characters can learn are determined by class. Even within that limiting structure, though, the player is forced to make decisions. Each character will have an assortment of moves available, but you must choose the ones you feel best suit your fighting style. The game cautions you that a lack of foresight will cause things to grow more difficult for you, and it isn't joking.

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