Review Archives (All Reviews)

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Available Reviews
	Chase H.Q. Secret Police review (GBC) Reviewed on May 23, 2004 Chase H.Q. must have made quite an impact in the arcade. Released in the late 80’s, the game was soon ported to most every console and handheld system in existence at the time. Most of these ports did their best to emulate the original’s style, providing a fast-paced environment where success depends solely on quick reflexes. When it came time to release a version for the Game Boy Color, though, the developers decided to make some adjustments. Drifting away from its driving roots, C...
	Chase HQ review (GB) Reviewed on May 23, 2004 Before I became a licensed driver, many of my weekend nights were spent roaming the darkened aisles of the local arcade. On occasions when I had some extra money, a couple of my tokens would invariably end up in the belly of Chase H.Q. Perhaps I was drawn to the game by a keen sense of justice, a need to track down the bad guys and put them in their place. Maybe I enjoyed the adrenaline rush created by racing against the clock, weaving my shiny red car through traffic, doing anything to...
	Tetris review (NES) Reviewed on May 22, 2004 While the colors continued changing, I noticed something else rather distressing, though. The more lines I cleared, the faster things got. Pretty soon blocks were flying all over the place and it was simply more than I could do to keep up. I started screaming at the television and my daughter--bless her soul--came into the room to make sure I wasn't having a stroke. The screen filled up about that time and I was told my game was over.
	Castlevania III: Dracula's Curse review (NES) Reviewed on May 21, 2004 I really liked the first Castlevania. I figured even with the lack of a password feature and the clunky game mechanics that it was cool to finally see such an atmospheric game integrate classic monsters and gothic myths into it seamlessly. I couldn't wait to see which baddie I'd be facing around the next corner -- would it be the Grim Reaper, or maybe Frankenstein's Monster? There was even an aura of spookiness about the whole game that I wouldn't have thought possible with so many advers...
	Pitfall II: Lost Caverns review (A2600) Reviewed on May 20, 2004 Spend enough time reading the legends and myths of ancient Greece and you might come upon the jolly tale of a man named Sisyphus. This poor chap did something or other to royally tick off the gods and was sentenced to an eternity of suffering in Hades. To be more specific, Sisyphus was forced to roll a large rock up a steep hill. However, when he got said rock to the top, it would simply roll back down the other side, forcing him to start over.
	Paradise Heights 2 review (PC) Reviewed on May 16, 2004 Is it possible Paradise Heights achieved enough popularity to warrant a sequel? Could that game, so devoid of memorable or exciting characters and storyline, have succeeded based solely on its lascivious adult content? Hard to imagine, yet Paradise Heights 2 exists nonetheless. Credit should go to the developers of this follow-up. Rather than simply churning out a game of equal quality to the original, the team clearly worked to improve every aspect in the sequel, if only slightly....
	Paradise Heights review (PC) Reviewed on May 16, 2004 Based on arguably specious reasoning, I've concluded that the producers of Paradise Heights passionately hated making this game. For Exhibit A, I present two quotes from the main character, lifted from the opening introduction where he reflects on his time spent as a computer game programmer.
	Rollerblade Racer review (NES) Reviewed on May 15, 2004 So you're racing like your pants are on fire, you have no idea what's up ahead, and it's probably going to trip you up and leave you in a heap on the street. As a matter of fact, the best strategy seems to hang around near the middle of the screen, flying forward as quickly as you can, mashing the 'A' button repeatedly so that even if you land on the edge of a dangerous object, you'll be airborne again before the game realizes what just happened.
	Clockwerx review (PC) Reviewed on May 14, 2004 Sammy spins left, Sammy spins right. Sammy sees the green rod coming! Sammy tries to duck and weave and avoid a collision, but the green rod is too clever for Sammy. The two collide in a fiery explosion that totally decimates poor Sammy.
	Super C review (NES) Reviewed on May 14, 2004 The Nicaraguan Contras were among the most brutal terrorists the United States has ever funded, visiting heinous carnage on helpless civilians in their crusade against the leftist Sandinista government. But don’t make the mistake of associating “contra” with terrorism -- all the word refers to is opposition. So it’s unsurprising Konami chose the word for their Contra series -- games famed from the first moment for outrageous difficulty, for endless waves of powerful enemies, for tough bos...
	Super C review (NES) Reviewed on May 14, 2004 In an age when gaming is grappling against its own impending emasculation, the few, stoic Splinter Cells and Dead to Rightses will only stand for so long. For these brave soldiers of a hopeless war will only be able to support this faltering fortress until their backs have broken. And when the flamboyant Final Fantasies and eccentric Pokemons have finally stolen the breath of these last survivors, the men of our hobby will look back to a better time.
	Mega Man 5 review (NES) Reviewed on May 14, 2004 After you’ve played a certain number of the classic Mega Man games, they can become very difficult to rate. On a positive note, when you put a Mega Man game into your Nintendo, you know you’re going to be playing an excellent cartoonish platformer with tight play control, the ability to steal weapons from bosses and a fateful encounter with the overlord of all evil senior citizens — Dr. Wily.
	Digimon World review (PSX) Reviewed on May 13, 2004 Digimon
	Andro Dunos review (NEO) Reviewed on May 13, 2004 If I must open this review with a positive comment about SNK’s side-scrolling Neo-Geo shooter, Andro Dunos, then let me simply say that the programmers were very good at picking the right games to lift elements from.
	Alias review (PS2) Reviewed on May 12, 2004 First things first - if you're not already a fan of the show Alias, this game isn't for you. It's designed to appeal to die-hard fans, to be another piece of Alias merchandise in their rapidly-growing collection. First the DVDs of season one and two. Then the official magazine. Now the video game, coming to a console near you!
	Milon's Secret Castle review (NES) Reviewed on May 12, 2004 The world of Milon's Secret Castle is filled with ledges, long jumps, and elemental hazards that will make short work of your energy gauge. And thanks to the lack of invulnerability I already mentioned, it's possible to bump against a single enemy and find most of your life vanished before you've moved away. Do that often at all and it's game over. Everything you've done will be lost and you'll have to start over.
	The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker review (GCN) Reviewed on May 12, 2004 Sometime around June of 99, my life changed. It was then that I became the proud owner of an N64 and, more importantly, a copy of The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time. Now, the series had always been my favorite and all, but I never truly got into it until this came around. It became more than just a game or a time waster - it lead me deep within the world of Hyrule and enveloped me in its rich atmosphere. At the risk of sounding cheesy, it elevated the entire Zelda series to the highest ped...
	The Rocketeer review (NES) Reviewed on May 12, 2004 Watching Cliff plod through a stage wouldn't be a problem, for example, if the stage were interesting instead of a void of color and personality. Repeating a stage after smashing your toe in a gear wouldn't be quite so bad if you knew the poorly-timed jump was your fault. And so it goes, with each problem compounding the next.
	Super C review (NES) Reviewed on May 11, 2004 If 30-foot-tall extraterrestrials with poorly concealed intestinal tracts and fangs as sharp as Lee press-on nails ever decide to take over the Earth, I pray to God we have two souls as brave as Mad Dog and Scorpion (Blue Pants and Red Pants to the layperson) to take them on. Landing by helicopter in the middle of a smoldering city that's been destroyed by either aliens or a day of baking cookies gone horribly awry, Mad Dog and Scorpion require no briefing from the president, who may very well h...
	Casino Kid 2 review (NES) Reviewed on May 10, 2004 The lifestyle of a high roller must be a difficult one to maintain, for the past year certainly has been a tough one for the Casino Kid. When we last left him, the Kid had just won over $1,000,000 from the vaunted King of the Casino. Now, no doubt because of his exposure to the temptations of Sin City at such a young age, he’s almost completely squandered his little nest egg. But even though he’s now a pauper, The Kid doesn’t let it get him down. He appears in the title screen flashing a br...

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