Review Archives (All Reviews)

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Available Reviews
	Ninja Gaiden review (XBX) Reviewed on June 17, 2004 Introduction:
	Amagon review (NES) Reviewed on June 17, 2004 When Nintendo released Super Mario Brothers, a new age of video gaming began. Players controlled the cheerful plumber as he traveled on land, in caves, underwater and through castles in his quest to rescue a beautiful princess from the foul dragon Bowser — and loved every glorious second of entertainment that game provided.
	Wally Bear and the No Gang review (NES) Reviewed on June 15, 2004 Few games invite self-parody from first impressions as readily as Wally Bear and the NO Gang. You may have bad or frustrating games, such as Hydlide or Action 52, didactic efforts with a legitimate streak of imagination such as Bible Adventures, or funny ones aware they're a bit simple. But a bear on his skateboard, out to convince other animals with lower self-esteem(their words) that drugs and gangs are a bad idea seems naive. Or perhaps it's just trying to market itself to naive types. In oth...
	Serious Sam: The First Encounter review (PC) Reviewed on June 14, 2004 I can honestly say that only a few things have ever actually hurt my brain. One thing that I remember as a brain-hurter was when my friend Chris and I took apart this really old TV and broke a tube inside it that was labeled as dangerous. Suffice to say, I have worn glasses ever since. Another thing that made my brain hurt was Chemistry. Never knew what was going on in there, but after an hour and a half of learning it, my brain felt like it got sucker-punched by Muhammad Ali. The only thing els...
	Myst review (JCD) Reviewed on June 14, 2004 If you've ever heard someone scrutinizing Myst, you've probably witnessed some loser running to its defense with an inane comment along these lines: “Well, it's really good for what it is.” What is Myst exactly? I'll synopsize the whole game for you: You take a pointer and you click around while collecting clues. Is there something revolutionary and pioneering that I am missing here? Call me ignorant, even go to the extent of calling me a condescending fool, but I'm lost on why people find this ...
	Autobahn review (APP2) Reviewed on June 14, 2004 The goal is to drive down the Autobahn, that famous French freeway with no speed limit and people who like to drive as fast as their cars will move. Other than yourself, though, there aren’t a lot of people who have the sort of engine to take advantage of the environment. So you take it upon yourself to weave through traffic like a soccer mom on the way to the game in her husband’s SUV. Aside from a few minor details, I’ve just described the whole game.
	Sentimental Shooting review (PC) Reviewed on June 14, 2004 Your concentration wavers as her smile catches your eye. What was supposed to be a quick glance turns into a second-long stare as you survey her girlish face and fine figure. Try to forget her vulnerable position, that in a few more seconds her shirt will explode and only her lingerie will remain. The vibrant music only further detaches you from the battle, obscuring the sound of enemy fire. You only hear a dull explosion, switching your focus only to see your ship disintegrate and the words ''G...
	Metal Slug 3 review (XBX) Reviewed on June 13, 2004 Before I begin this review, you should know that I have never played a Metal Slug game in my life. Ever. Metal Slug evaded me on the Saturn since I only recently modded mine, and both Metal Slugs for the PlayStation were said to be abysmal ports. Then Metal Slug 3, considered by fans to be the apex of the series, was announced for the X-Box. This piqued my interest, as the Metal Slug games have always been compared to Konami's Contra series. And god damn...
	Bubble Bath Babes review (NES) Reviewed on June 11, 2004 Bubble Bath Babes(BBB) is well-known in hard-core NES gamer circles for featuring frontal nudity. It's a puzzle game featuring bubble tetrads that rise up into a formation, and if you get a clump of four or more connected bubbles of the same color, they disappear. After several plays, I found the generic nude woman very annoying because she blocked my view of the piece I needed to rotate and quickly place in the right spot. Her friends who disrobe as you get further through a level aren't...
	Elemental Master review (GEN) Reviewed on June 10, 2004 The most endearing quality of Elemental Master is apparent before the controller is even touched. It begins with a pitch-black sky against a low lying blanket of fog, tousled only by the sharp hill tops jutting through, as a single, ever-escalating note lends its intensity to the dreary, oppressive scene. Sheet lightning pierces the darkness, exposing a previously unseen thunderhead. The flashing continues, each pulse giving more form to the cirrus structure, until finally, it is revealed...
	Lufia & The Fortress of Doom review (SNES) Reviewed on June 10, 2004 Out of nowhere there appeared a floating island. Four superhuman beings of evil claimed it as their domain. Wielding the powers of Destruction, Chaos, Death, and Terror, they sought to throw the earth into darkness. The Sinistrals, they were called; armies mustered against them, nations allied to save the world from their iron grasp. And yet none succeeded. Finally, four of the world's most renowned warriors were called on to bring down the island. Lead by Maxim, a red-haired warrior wielding th...
	Super Mario Bros. 2 review (NES) Reviewed on June 10, 2004 You probably know the story now. What we Americans know as Super Mario Bros. 2 - that weird, quirky platformer no one quite knew what to make of back then - was never meant to be a Mario game. It is the illegitimate child of Doki Doki Panic, an odd Japanese platformer, and the Mario universe. Fearful that the frightfully difficult Japanese SMB2 will turn away American gamers, Nintendo had grabbed this little game, forcibly inserted Mario and friends, and released it upon unwitting America...
	Silent Hill 2 review (PS2) Reviewed on June 09, 2004 I'll be the first to admit that I'm far from unshakable when it comes to horror games. Many of them simply scare me senseless, to the point where I can't even bring myself to pick up the controller when it's dark. The Silent Hill series, with its static-laden ambiance and creepily orchestrated apparitions, is probably chief among them. It's stretched a number of games, ranging from the first where you had to track down your daughter, to the third which basically flip-flopped the roles. Th...
	Alundra review (PSX) Reviewed on June 09, 2004 On the surface, things seemed pretty good in the regions surrounding the quaint village of Inoa. Sure, the fell demon Melzas had been a threat, but he was now trapped in a submerged castle and seemingly out of the picture.
	Metroid II: Return of Samus review (GB) Reviewed on June 08, 2004 Something moved. What was that noise? Is something coming? I don't feel too safe walking down this dank corridor ..... wait, how many missiles do I have? Do I have enough? I haven't found a missile supplement in a while ..... should I keep going? Will a Metroid pop out at me? Do I really have enough missiles? Is it worth it to run back to the ship and recharge, or should I just blast a few enemies and hope for a few refills? What if oh God a Metroid AHHHHHH.......
	Street Fighter 2010 review (NES) Reviewed on June 08, 2004 I'd hate to be a Ken fan. Capcom can wedge new chapters into the Street Fighter timeline all it wants, but there can be no reversing the series' ultimate conclusion. When the subject of best character comes up among enthusiasts, and the Ken crowd starts in with legends of fire-laced uppercuts, the other side has a kill-all in their arsenal; a point of argument so strong that once this bomb has been unloaded, the Ken fans will have no choice but to be quiet. In the future, Ken Masters will sport ...
	P.N.03 review (GCN) Reviewed on June 07, 2004 It must be interesting to work for Capcom. Imagine, say, you were serving lunch. Chances are you get paid more for serving multiple customers at a time. Throw the customers their bread roll, and get bonus style points if you can bounce it off their heads. Perhaps the accounts department is in on the act. Mere double-entry book-keeping in Capcom offices is probably frowned upon. Enter things in 5 ledgers and earn extra pay! Or something like that.
	Shinobi III: Return of the Ninja Master review (GEN) Reviewed on June 04, 2004 With Shinobi III, a new evil has reared its head, demanding of Joe more side-scrolling, projectile-hurling escapades! You and Joe both reminisce, silently cognizant of the style and thunder of his previous path to bloody revenge (forget the offbeat Shadow Dancer for the moment). The Revenge of Shinobi in fact, was the game that cemented his status as hero extraordinaire. That mission had been diabolical in its conception, and his response to its dangers was legendary. Would this latest challenge prove as worthy? Would he?
	Resident Evil 3: Nemesis review (GCN) Reviewed on June 04, 2004 As a quality series presses on from sequel to sequel, one of two things tend to happen. Either the series reaches stagnation, each installment a regurgitation of past success, or the series builds an elaborate foundation for future innovation and diversification. To Capcom's credit and fans' delight, Resident Evil falls into the latter type, and the third of the series – Nemesis – introduces its own fresh concept (later pilfered by Nintendo in Metroid Fusion and by Capcom themsel...
	Disney's Aladdin review (GEN) Reviewed on June 03, 2004 Aladdin, at least in this Genesis incarnation, is well-known for being splendidly animated, for recalling the film marvelously, and for being a wholehearted sensory delight. Now surely the film was great -- many of my generation feel a twinge of nostalgia at the mere mention of the grandstanding blue Genie or the audacious mischief of Jafar. Our hearts skip a beat when you mention the touching tableau of the starveling street urchin canoodling with the gorgeous princess upon his magic car...

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