Review Archives (All Reviews)

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Available Reviews
	Star Wars Jedi Knight II: Jedi Outcast review (GCN) Reviewed on November 12, 2004 Kyle Katarn is back! Well, yes. Exactly.
	Nickelodeon GUTS review (SNES) Reviewed on November 11, 2004 When I was a kid, I loved Nickelodeon. It was full of great cartoons like “Rocko’s Modern life” and “ Ren and Stimpy” which were damn funny then and probably are still funny now. Nick GUTS, on the other hand was crap, it always was crap and it will never be anything but crap. The reason why Nick decided to make a rubbish show into a game astounds me. They should have left it as a show but to cash in on more dough, they created a monster. GUTS was about teams of kids playing menial mini-games ...
	Dragon Quest I & II review (SNES) Reviewed on November 11, 2004 Back in the day, Enix hit on a great idea. For the most part, role-playing games (at least the ones I was playing) were non-linear dungeon crawls like Wizardry and Ultima — where your goal was to collect a certain number of key items and then accomplish whatever it took to beat the game. Sure, these games were fun, but they also could be quite tedious — especially considered that the player would be forced to hover over a pad of graph paper to painstakingly chart every move they made. This facto...
	Shrek 2 review (PS2) Reviewed on November 09, 2004 A lot of people loved Shrek 2. I wasn't one of those people. I thought it was funny, just the way slapstick scenarios and fart gags are funny at the time, but hardly qualify as enduring humour. And so the Shrek name would not arrest me--a non-fanatic--at the game store and whisper into my ear that I must have it. If it did, it would mean I should see someone about hearing voices. If you think it might speak that way to you, you illustrate the only circumstance in which Shrek 2 comes highly recommended. (And you should also see someone about hearing voices.)
	World Destruction League: Thunder Tanks review (PSX) Reviewed on November 09, 2004 Sometimes I wonder whether or not some people know what a truly bad game is like. Every now and then a game comes out that exemplifies everything that can possibly go wrong with a game, the kind of game that makes you question the existence of quality assurance tests. World Destruction League: Thunder Tanks is one of those games. The only incentive to play it is to get a good feel for what a truly bad game is like. This game is a monstrosity that has no redeeming qualities of which to speak.
	The Amazing Maze Game review (ARC) Reviewed on November 08, 2004 Connoisseurs of minimalism, rejoice - your idol rests here. It is a 24x26 square with openings at each end, and two nameless, faceless, worthless icons squaring off (no pun intended) against each other in a race to the finish. The box is filled with lines representing walls which are spaced just so, allowing your geometric figure to wend its way through corridors as black as the infinite vacuum of space. What reward lies at the end of these bleak hallways? None. Does hope spring eternal for our ...
	Fable review (XBX) Reviewed on November 08, 2004 For it's here more than anywhere else that Molyneux has succeeded, not in fashioning a true next gen RPG but in creating a world worthy of the simple joys of role playing itself. And that's kind of what he had set out to do right?. There are of course a number of side quests on offer, as well as a handful of obligatory parlor-esque mini-games to indulge in. All that however is simple window dressing that serves to further enhance the spectacular cause and effect style gameplay mechanics that we've found ourselves coveting these past four years.
	Tecmo Bowl review (NES) Reviewed on November 07, 2004 Remember the glory days of the NES, where all games were great and new and so much better than anything since? Unfortunately, these glory days only existed in that fantasy world known as nostalgia. Games we thought were perfect are, when you look at them with a critical eye, too frustrating, too simple, too unbalanced, too hard to control, or too slow. They were great back then because there was nothing better back then and because we didn't know any better. And we did have fun with them, despit...
	Metroid review (NES) Reviewed on November 07, 2004 You're looking at the original in a series that is extremely well praised, for obvious reasons. I gradually found myself falling in love with Super Metroid, one of the most pristine 2-D games known to man, and very quickly fell in love with Prime years later. And, for some strange reason, I had fond memories of playing the original as a kid. Between those fond memories and the near perfection of those latter two games, I figured this would surely hold an honorable place in the NES library, stand...
	Blaster Master review (NES) Reviewed on November 07, 2004 Why did I love this game as a child? For I, like practically everyone else, did enjoy it during the glory days of the NES. And now I sit, an older and wiser person, and I try to remember why it gave me so much joy. I do this because it is no longer enjoyable, because I currently find the game to be, while decent, not all that special. Was it just the cool name? Was it the fact that you were in a cool looking rover that jumped? Was it the multiple styles of play? Perhaps it was a combination of t...
	Neo Contra review (PS2) Reviewed on November 07, 2004 The third mission, for instance, places your character in a fortified canyon filled with knee-deep water and a shitload of opposition. Missile launching cretins rest in floating platforms, shielded soldiers with rocket launchers and sniper rifles pack the crannies of the rock wall, and swarms of blade carrying grunts pour forth from every direction; most would be daunted, but not this legendary commando.
	Cobra Command review (SCD) Reviewed on November 06, 2004 Gaming vultures (Cathartes bokosuka) love to peck at the defenseless corpses of perished consoles, gouging out the most nauseous remnants of inhumanity. With its library of full-motion video games, some of which lack enough frames of animation to literally qualify as “full-motion”, the Sega CD serves many a dish for these voracious, merciless, insatiable, sadomasochistic scavengers. I’m not like that. I don’t derive sensual pleasure from feeding on decomposition; I look for the strong ...
	Suikoden review (PSX) Reviewed on November 06, 2004 Good, but not great – this is the tragic theme that pervades Suikoden, a competent game that has received more praise than it deserves. Many of the features Suikoden fans purport as its most distinguishing aspects are actually its greatest flaws. Make no mistake: Konami’s foray into the role-playing genre is a solid one, but their inexperience with the genre is glaring: the result is a highly generic role-playing game that fails to evoke the grandness that allows a console role-playing game to t...
	Truxton review (GEN) Reviewed on November 05, 2004 Back when I was younger, I remember seeing Truxton in an arcade. After wasting a few quarters on the lonely coin-op, I was in love. As a lad used to the stale, poorly-ported crap on the Atari 2600 and 7800, this vertically-scrolling game seemed a godsend.
	Soviet Strike review (SAT) Reviewed on November 04, 2004 There's a crisis going on in Eastern Europe. Shadowman, an ex-KGB general, is in the midst of raging war against Russia, and he's got enough firepower to obliterate the entire country. That's where STRIKE comes in. Consisting of a masterful tactician, a highly skilled hacker, a news reporter that covers up STRIKE's tracks, and a number of ace copilots, their job is to stop potential wars before they even begin. And they need to stop Shadowman's cause while it's still just a rumor. Each of these ...
	Harvest Moon 64 review (N64) Reviewed on November 04, 2004 Harvest Moon 64 is an underrated masterpiece.
	Basketball review (A2600) Reviewed on November 01, 2004 The “Launch 20” for the Atari 2600 contained 5 sports titles (6 if you consider Flag Capture a sport). 25% of the initial release catalog was dedicated to sports gaming. That’s not a surprising number here in 2004. We can go back to the launches of the X-Box and Game Cube and see that sports game development was a highly discussed topic both pre and post-launch. In 1990, the then recently released Sega Genesis advertised heavily on its wide variety of (at the time) incredibly realistic sport...
	Fable review (XBX) Reviewed on October 31, 2004 Hype.
	Star Ocean: Till the End of Time review (PS2) Reviewed on October 30, 2004 The thing with some of these battles is that you’ll either get through without breaking a sweat, or you’ll find yourself totally destroyed within a few moments. This boss just happens to be one of those enemies that obliterates me really quickly. He’s too fast, and since I can only control one character at a time, the other two that are controlled by AI really have no clue what the hell they are doing.
	Metal Slug 3 review (XBX) Reviewed on October 28, 2004 Press toward the right, mashing the button furiously as livid crustaceans emerge from ramshackle shanties. If they get too close, swipe your knife across them and return to your main quest: survival. Buildings explode into flame and melt away as if they never existed. Prisoners of war thank you heartily as you cut loose their ropes on the way to shoot a bubble-blowing goon ahead. But wait, there’s a weapon pick-up!

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