Review Archives (All Reviews)

You are currently looking through all reviews for games that are available on every platform the site currently covers. Below, you will find reviews written by all eligible authors and sorted according to date of submission, with the newest content displaying first. As many as 20 results will display per page. If you would like to try a search with different parameters, specify them below and submit a new search.

Available Reviews
	Metal Slug 3 review (XBX) Reviewed on May 13, 2005 Fascist military regimes are stalwart figures of evil oppression They can kick ass, and look good doing it. Submarines, tanks, fighter jets, countless soldiers, and fortresses of doom all come standard. Put a good one in a videogame and it’s hard to go wrong. The first Metal Slug, as a matter of fact, rode to glory on the back of a Nazi-like army led by a goofy Sadaam Hussein doppleganger.
	Ikaruga review (DC) Reviewed on May 13, 2005 A collage of emotion pours from your body the first time you witness an insurmountable wall of bright, glowing bullets looming closer and closer to your ship. The bullets are so packed together, the metallic background disappears, and all you can see is a school of menacing bullets.
	Friday the 13th review (NES) Reviewed on May 13, 2005 At first, you’ll be reduced to throwing lowly rocks at a being so untouchable that, according to the films, shotgun blasts don’t even affect him.
	Adventure Island II review (NES) Reviewed on May 13, 2005 Hmmm, does a NES game where a short, chubby guy is off to save the local damsel in distress sounds a wee bit familiar? Nope, I’m not talking about one of the Super Mario Brothers games, although you could be forgiven for thinking so. Thanks to the overwhelming success of that series, it seemed like most third-party companies had a hankering to get a piece of the “short, fat hero” pie.
	Cadillacs & Dinosaurs review (ARC) Reviewed on May 12, 2005 C&D is a monstrous freak, imprisoned in the cage of the side-scrolling beat-em-'up. The difference between this one and its more popular peers is its unrelenting willingness to be absolutely out of its mind. Any boundaries in the odd or hilarious set by Final Fight or Streets of Rage, C&D ignores with reckless abandon. The result is a title made wholly satisfying by its own outrageous spectacle.
	Mario to Wario review (SNES) Reviewed on May 11, 2005 Wario is an evil bastard. When he’s not out robbing peoples treasure to add to his stockpile, he’s blinding people by dropping buckets over their heads. Well, that is what he is deciding to do this time around. He’s decided to stop his constant treasure hoarding and started out on a mission to annoy Mario, Princess Toadstool and Yoshi. With his new bi-plane, he decides to cause some mischief by dropping numerous objects on their heads and putting them on an obstacle course packed with tricks a...
	RalliSport Challenge 2 review (XBX) Reviewed on May 11, 2005 With an impressive level of detail, the varied background elements and assorted weather conditions have come together to form an intoxicating rush of eye candy that evenly matches the speed at which players are experiencing it. Whether its the dusty red sands of the Australian Outback, complete with small shanty towns and the occasional windmill, or the lush Autumn colors of a backwoods English lane, players are sure to find themselves constantly lost in the moment.
	Mario to Wario review (SNES) Reviewed on May 10, 2005 Princess Toadstool and Yoshi. With his new bi-plane, he decides to cause some mischief by dropping numerous objects on their heads and putting them on an obstacle course packed with tricks and traps. Blinded by this newly fixated object, our heroes rely on a fairy (who looks like a pink Link) to guide them through a variety of dangers that they encounter.
	The Punisher review (PS2) Reviewed on May 10, 2005 Max Payne and Spider-man were two flagships from completely different genres. One introduced bullet time and showed us a different but entertaing side to Third Person Shooters. The other proved that decent games could be made for comic book characters. Marvel has decided to combine these two masters of painstaking evolution and introduce The Punisher: A violent, grungy look into one of comics most disturbed residents, producing an effort that oozes insidious majesty.
	Katamari Damacy review (PS2) Reviewed on May 09, 2005 Rolling a ball of junk has never been so fun. In Katamari Damacy, you’re a pint-sized prince who is picking up after your father The King of all Cosmos. One night the King was bored and he decided to run into all the stars in space. Why? I guess just playing the game will help you understand. It was all fun and games for the King, but all of us people on earth weren’t too happy the next day. Well since he is the King I guess it means he can be lazy. He makes you, the prince,...
	Shining Force: Resurrection of the Dark Dragon review (GBA) Reviewed on May 09, 2005 There are few series I have enough faith in to make blind purchases towards. So when I heard the GBA was remaking Shining Force, I was at the store the next day putting down my reserve cash. Resurrection of Dark Dragon goes so much further then I would have ever imagined, and needless to say this is one retro recreation GBA got right.
	Giga Wing review (DC) Reviewed on May 08, 2005 While it’s true that you can hang near the bottom of the screen and weave like nobody’s business, such tactics aren’t nearly as much fun as worming your way right into the thick of things. Take out a foe from a distance and you can gather small icons that drift through the air. Really move in for the kill and as your adversary bursts into flames, massive remnants gravitate toward you and boost your score into the stratosphere.
	Rumble Roses review (PS2) Reviewed on May 08, 2005 The first few notes of Yuka Watanabe's "The Spirit of Hawk" float through the crowded Rumble Roses arena with beauty and grace unbecoming of the Mongolian girl Aigle, a conveniently legal eighteen-year-old who "wants become great warrior like great father". She rides her big brown horse towards the ring, flashing a dignified smile at the crowd as her plump butt bounces up and down.
	MechAssault review (XBX) Reviewed on May 08, 2005 50 feet tall and 100 tons of armor, hydraulics, and nearly every conceivable weapon known to man, the mech is the peak of human warfare. Whether it be rocket pods, pulse lasers, or gauss cannons bringing about the collapse of skyscrapers and even mountains, nothing can stand in a mech's way without being crushed into fine powder under its 20-ton foot... in the hands of a good pilot.
	Donkey Kong Country review (SNES) Reviewed on May 07, 2005 Donkey Kong was a horny gorilla that shot to fame in the mid-eighties in his rusty arcade classic. It introduced us to the big ape, who had kidnapped Mario’s girlfriend, Pauline. Back in 1981, it was the hottest game in town. It was the title that refined arcade gaming and was so popular that Nintendo created two sequels, which did not get the fame they sought, mainly because they were both rather average titles. After this, Nintendo shut the lid on the primate and for eleven years and the gr...
	Shining Force III review (SAT) Reviewed on May 07, 2005 Shining Force has always been the pinnacle of Sega’s role playing games. It kept me loyal to the company long after I heard it was on its way out and forced me to buy every sequel made. I still have some of the games even though I don’t have the systems for them. Although Shining Force 3 is lacking one very crucial element it isn’t enough to dissuade this as the best one to date.
	Do You Like Horny Bunnies? review (PC) Reviewed on May 06, 2005 As Yukari finishes up with his chores and the restaurant winds down toward closing time, what will he do? You can have him clean the bathrooms, check the hallway, or just relax. No matter your decision, sex will likely result. Generally, it is preceded by emotional anguish, and the graphical depiction will be accompanied by plenty of bland descriptions of the sex.
	King of the Monsters review (NEO) Reviewed on May 06, 2005 Giant monsters are cool. Giant monsters who beat you to a pulp and take your lunch money are not.
	Gradius review (NES) Reviewed on May 06, 2005 If there is one fond memory I have of Gradius and its hordes of sequels and spin-offs, it is simply the way that all the levels meld together to form what appears to be a single, constantly-shifting juggernaut of a stage. That just gives Konami’s main contribution to the world of shooters a certain flow that’s lacking in many games of the genre, where you tend to be randomly teleported from one locale to another — leaving you to guess exactly how all those diverse regions are connected.
	The Guy Game review (PS2) Reviewed on May 06, 2005 The idea behind “The Guy Game” is similar to playing Trivial Pursuit in a strip club. However, actually playing this horrendous mass of immorality could be compared to stapling your eyelids to a jet plane: there’s absolutely no reason you should want to do it. Nudity or not, this is one game that should keep its top on.

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