Review Archives (All Reviews)

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Available Reviews
	Hogs of War review (PSX) Reviewed on June 24, 2005 I can’t focus. I can barely muster up enough energy to sit in a chair. My eyes are on fire, my fingers blistered and my answering machine is full because I don’t have time to even pick up the phone. It’s ugly over here. But war is ugly and I’m at war. The sound of swine screaming in the background pierces my mind. The grenades shock me out of sleep like a nuclear alarm clock. The crimson has long turned the ground to mud, leaving it soft enough for the carcasses to seep into their hollow, honor-...
	Conker: Live & Reloaded review (XBX) Reviewed on June 23, 2005 Each location contains a few attractions and links to one or two other zones. You’ll have to dash between them throughout your adventure if you want to uncover everything, Metroid-style. This was probably intended to make you feel like you’re really exploring a beautiful cartoon world, but the result is just a lot of dull backtracking. It’s not like enemies suddenly return when you re-visit a given area.
	Final Fight 2 review (SNES) Reviewed on June 23, 2005 Let’s face it, Capcom’s SNES port of masterful brawler Final Fight was a bit of a disappointment. Not only were fans of the original were “treated” to simpler fights, with no more than three foes on screen at once, but also to some surprising omissions. Gone were one complete level of the arcade game, two-player simultaneous play AND super-cool character Guy. Sure, the game still had the ultra-awesome Final Fight vibe, but a deaf, dumb and blind man could tell something important w...
	Shenmue II review (XBX) Reviewed on June 23, 2005 Young Ryo Hazuki’s life was smashed by the sudden arrival of an uninvited guest. Dressed in dark green Chinese clothes, the mysterious Lan Di waltzed into Ryo’s family home and used a strange martial art to murder his father. Proving to be no match for this man, Ryo was utterly wasted in one strike and watched in agony as the mysterious man walked away with an odd trinket, the Dragon Mirror. Something that Ryo’s father had wanted to hide from the cold and dark ambitions of Lan Di. After watch...
	Black/Matrix 2 review (PS2) Reviewed on June 22, 2005 The original Black Matrix was a great game in each of it's forms, whether you played it on Sega Saturn, PSX, Dreamcast, or even on the Gameboy Advance. It wasn't anything revolutionary as far as turn-based strategy RPGs went, but the art style, storyline, characters, and unique setting garnered it attention it probably wouldn't have had otherwise. It's tale of angels vs devils was strongly and violently portrayed with not a single polygon to mar it's beautiful 2D presentation; not one lifeless...
	Metal Gear Solid 2: Sons of Liberty review (PS2) Reviewed on June 22, 2005 I find it ironic that Metal Gear Solid is almost singlehandedly responsible for the wave of "stealth espionage action" that still holds sway today. The game's signature sneaking tactics are now commonplace occurrences in a staggering range of games, but Metal Gear Solid always wanted to be, first and foremost, an interactive action movie. I’m convinced the creeping around corners and crawling through ventilation shafts were only there to lend cinematic credence to the thoroughly Hollywood-blockb...
	Serious Sam review (XBX) Reviewed on June 22, 2005 How serious is Serious Sam, the straightforward first-person-shooter that drew in surprisingly big sales and comparisons to no less a game than Doom when it was released at bargain bin prices several years ago? Well, the action quotient is pretty fucking serious, but ultimately this is a undiluted mindless fun. An adventure self-consciously in the vein of the early 90s first-person-shooter giants, Serious Sam tops even Duke Nukem 3D with arrogant brio. It is the logical endgame of all the shoote...
	Metal Slug 4 & 5 review (PS2) Reviewed on June 22, 2005 You want Metal Slug 3, in the arcade or on your XBox or wherever. You probably don't want this two-for-one set. It's simple math: neither Metal Slug 4 nor 5 is half the game any of its three predecessors are. Old, two-dimensional action games on new consoles at full price had better be damn good. They had better offer something that hasn't been done in generations past, something you as a gamer need to have. The eminently epic, inimitable Slug 3 is one thing—and by that I mean it's possibly the ...
	Final Fight review (ARC) Reviewed on June 22, 2005 Mike Haggar probably won’t remind you of your town’s mayor. The head of Metro City’s government is, to be frank, a steroid-enhanced freak of nature whose idea of bringing law to the masses involves taking to the streets, getting his hands on each individual hooligan and beating the everloving life out of him or her.
	Broken Sword: Shadow of the Templars review (PSX) Reviewed on June 22, 2005 The first few scenes of the game will see George, armed with a surprisingly competent voice actor, subtly mock the French authorities before hitting on Nico, a freelance newspaper photographer. This will all, of course, lead to the rather obvious conclusion of following the killer clown’s trail throughout Paris.
	Batman Begins review (XBX) Reviewed on June 19, 2005 The question of the day is this: how did a company such as Electronic Arts succeed where so many others have failed? Indeed, if anything their involvement should have been a warning sign, a clear indicator that Batman Begins was destined to be little more than an above average piece of soulless entertainment. And yet as succinctly as I may have just summarized the entire game, it still feels right.
	Chaos Legion review (PS2) Reviewed on June 18, 2005 Chaos Legion isn’t for the regular man. Regular men break down and cry in its mere presence; its difficulty is something to behold. Most gamers give up, throw the towel in and scratch off Chaos Legion as just another lame brawler. Why not? Hordes of unfettered beasts assault us from so many sides it’s almost claustrophobic. They eat away at our health relentlessly with their feral attacks until we’re nothing more than a limp mass of torn flesh and tattered cloth. We’re left with nothing m...
	Choujikuu Yousai Macross: Scrambled Valkyrie review (SNES) Reviewed on June 17, 2005 But do not fail to take advantage of your craft’s second capability. While you fly along idly, perhaps through a rare spot of peacefulness where no foes dwell and your guns lay resting silently, a gold, magnetic electricity will surround you on all sides. Should certain models of enemy spacecraft come in contact with your unique force field, they will be subject to your own purposes!
	Shinobi III: Return of the Ninja Master review (GEN) Reviewed on June 17, 2005 The settings don't just differ from area to area --- they completely change in theme within stages. Your five-minute horseback ride --- during which, as in every level, you battle with a midpoint boss --- is followed by an entry into a high tech, futuristic enemy base, where the enemies no longer toy with spears and ninja stars, but rapid-fire ammunition.
	Skies of Arcadia Legends review (GCN) Reviewed on June 17, 2005 I should have hated Skies of Arcadia.
	Red Faction II review (PC) Reviewed on June 16, 2005 Red Faction came along a while back and promised to change gaming forever. Usually, when a developer promises this, they fail. Red Faction didn’t exactly fail, but the highly touted Geo-Mod feature which was included in the game that allowed you to destroy any part of the environment was sadly underutilized and most of the time pointless. Turns out, putting a big hole in the wall is just a big waste of time and ammunition when there’s an unlocked door that leads to the same point. ...
	FIST review (SAT) Reviewed on June 16, 2005 With such a lackluster assortment of characters, the only solution is to compound the problem with one of the worst assortments of special moves ever envisioned. You know you're in trouble when one of the special moves is literally called Punch! Punch! Punch! and is performed by pressing the punch button three times in a row.
	Come See Me Tonight 2 review (PC) Reviewed on June 16, 2005 Suddenly, all you care to do is skip through the text and sleep with the girl of your choice. Text, text, text, sex, text, text, text, text, sex. Eventually, the pattern gets so tedious that you’re tempted to cycle through everything. Yes, that includes the sex. When a hentai game has you weary enough that you don’t even find yourself interested in the bountiful bosoms, you know something’s wrong.
	Streets of Rage review (GEN) Reviewed on June 15, 2005 Back when I was a youngster, I looked forward to the one week of the year my rural community held its county fair for one reason and one reason only. For those seven or so days, I lived only a couple of miles from a working Final Fight arcade machine.
	Tsumi to Batsu: Hoshi no Keishousha review (N64) Reviewed on June 14, 2005 Sin & Punishment was going to be a defining moment for the Nintendo 64... too bad there was nobody left to care. Released exclusively in Japan at a time when most gamers had already moved onto greener pastures, mainstream success seemed to be an all but impossible dream for this, the little shooter that should have.

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