Review Archives (All Reviews)

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Available Reviews
	Gradius Collection review (PSP) Reviewed on June 13, 2006 When the ship begins, it fires small pellets in a straight path. These are soon supplemented with peripheral shots, lasers and shields that give you a better chance against whatever the alien empire you’re battling happens to throw your way. Soon, your painfully slow ship will move more efficiently—this finally gives you a chance against all your adversaries as they dart so lithely about the screen—and you’ll wonder why you ever found the game so overwhelming.
	Hitman: Blood Money review (X360) Reviewed on June 13, 2006 Killing ninjas, badassing, looking cool, blah, blah, blah. I don't need to remind you just how awesome Agent 47 was in the past three games. You should know by now. And if not, SHAME ON YOU! But with this fourth installment now out, is the Hitman series starting to run out of steam? Is Agent 47 losing his awesomeness? Are we gonna be Tomb Raider'd? No, no, and THANK GOD no. Hitman: Blood Money is a great game that doesn't disappoint, and it turns out to be the best of the series, so far.
	Shadow the Hedgehog review (XBX) Reviewed on June 13, 2006 Contrary to what most believe, Shadow the Hedgehog is an improvement, not a step back. Even before the black hedgehog’s solo debut hit the shelves, scepticism had already shown his grim face. The last proper Sonic game, Sonic Heroes was, to be frank, awful. Its quirky new design looked charming enough and its diverse range of characters was enough to make any Sonic fan drool. However, its poor level design and bad voice actors were enough to have anyone ripping huge chunks of ha...
	The Da Vinci Code review (XBX) Reviewed on June 11, 2006 On the one hand, this is a satisfying way to fight that emphasis mental power over the ability to simply button mash. On the other, it just doesn’t feel quite natural. Fights seem to happen in fits and spurts. Worse, fighting multiple enemies turns into a ridiculous scenario where even if you press the buttons in just the right order, one of the other goons might step in and knock you in the face because you’re in the middle of performing a combo and can’t stop to deal with the obvious threat.
	Maui Mallard in Cold Shadow review (SNES) Reviewed on June 11, 2006 After playing Cold Shadow in its entirety, it would seem to me that Maui Mallard was created only for the simple purpose of fooling us Donald Duck fans into playing the game. Oh, Disney, you and your devilish schemes! That’s right: what you see in the cover art and in-game screenshots is not Donald, but actually Maui Mallard! And what are the differences between Donald and Maui? Well, save for the lack of a red bowtie and Fauntleroy sailor hat, none.
	Hitman: Blood Money review (XBX) Reviewed on June 10, 2006 The seemingly insipid story revolving around a genetically cloned man offing assortments of people around the world doesn’t look or sound too outwardly appealing. I mean, can’t we fill a slew of bad guys with lead in countless other games already? Sure we can. But what makes Hitman: Blood Money so darn endearing is its matter-of-fact approach to the stunningly brutal acts of murder found throughout the whole game. However, it’s not simply the murder that does it; it’s the maddeningly clever ...
	Lost Magic review (DS) Reviewed on June 10, 2006 Coming up with RPGs for the DS must be tricky. Sure, your staff can come up with all sorts of cliched stories and generic heroes to go with them. There’s also plenty of leeway with regards to the leveling and combat systems. Hell, even the DS’s graphical capabilities can work a few small wonders. But the real problem lies with the Touch Screen; it’s one of the system’s most celebrated features, yet finding new and inventive ways to utilize it must be quite a task. All things considered, it’s lit...
	Trace Memory review (DS) Reviewed on June 09, 2006 A young boy watches in horror as one man levels a pistol at another. Pop Cue a blood red fadeout. Over four decades later, a mother hustles her daughter into hiding. Peeking from the closet, the small girl with white hair sees only the silhouette of a man holding a gun. Another dull pop resonates. Cue another blood red fadeout.
	Metal Saga review (PS2) Reviewed on June 09, 2006 I had no reason to go anywhere other than to get in fights and earn money to buy better equipment for my characters and their tanks. With no motivation beyond personal gain, everything I accomplished in Metal Saga seemed hollow — a never-ending series of frivolous events only connected by their lack of connection.
	Shining Force review (GEN) Reviewed on June 08, 2006 During the game’s final battles, I didn’t have the courage to send Max into the heart of conflict. Why? Because if he gets defeated, the game ends and I found out the hard way that one unlucky confrontation can accomplish that in the blink of an eye.
	Formula One: Built to Win review (NES) Reviewed on June 05, 2006 There wasn’t much of a difference between the first few Formula One races and the last few American ones, so I jumped out to a hefty lead in the points standings over real-life drivers of the time (with slightly altered names, such as “A. Frost” instead of Alain Prost or “A. Zenna” instead of Ayrton Senna). I was feeling fine. Only a few races from winning the F-1 championship, I felt not even the wrath of God himself could stop me!
	Fight Night Round 3 review (PS2) Reviewed on June 05, 2006 Fighting without the energy bar, with no concrete way to gauge my opponents health and stamina, has made this game one of the most intense experiences I’ve ever had on any console; it’s amazing on multiple levels. The opponent’s body becomes your gauge; you’re targeting him, picking out spots, centering, focusing your attacks, faking him, looking to make sure he hurts in one spot more than the others. You land a solid blow and it hits with all the subtlety of roaring thunder; the controller shakes, the screen shakes, blood spurts from his mouth, you can feel the ribs give way as your fist connects.
	King of Fighters: Maximum Impact review (PS2) Reviewed on June 03, 2006 Once upon a time, the Street Fighter series was the greatest thing to happen to the fighting game genre. There was a massive roster of incredibly popular characters, a wide variety of special moves, and some of the best competitive gameplay ever seen. But for all of the success that the Street Fighter genre garnered with each passing year, there was only one other series in Japan that rivaled its awesomeness: The King of Fighters. There were no sumo wrestlers, Indian Yoga disciples, Sonic Booms,...
	Tom Clancy's Splinter Cell: Pandora Tomorrow review (PS2) Reviewed on June 02, 2006 Your parents were wrong. What you can’t see, certainly can hurt you.
	Mike Tyson's Punch-Out! review (NES) Reviewed on June 01, 2006 France’s most stalwart athlete, Glass Joe, quickly finds out his career is heading for a humiliating end, as his punches are easily dodged by Mac, who then responds by sending jab after jab into Joe’s face. The fight is short and brutal — with Glass Joe spending more time face down than the average hentai game chick.
	God of War review (PS2) Reviewed on May 29, 2006 Do you have a job? If not, you will eventually. Assuming that you’re not going to mooch off your parents for the rest of your life, you’ll have to face the harsh reality of the working world someday. Chances are, it won’t be pretty. Maybe you’ll start things off as a lowly bagger at a grocery store. Or maybe you’ll suffer countless hours in the hell known as babysitting. If you manage to finish your college education, your degree may help land you a job in a reasonably professional environment…W...
	Steambot Chronicles review (PS2) Reviewed on May 29, 2006 Steambot Chronicles is cool like that; there’s an overlying story, sure, but progressing it rarely requires you to do anything hard. Hell, it rarely requires you to do much at all.
	RapeLay review (PC) Reviewed on May 27, 2006 To some extent, RapeLay represents a substantial evolution in hentai gaming: diverse, real-time, interactive sexual intercourse. But let's be honest. In RapeLay, you rape women. Well-programmed or not, it's despicable.
	Final Fantasy IV review (PSX) Reviewed on May 27, 2006 I’ve played Final Fantasy games involving cute “slam dancing” animals, a stupid creature called NORG, and implied man-on-man action in a notorious place called the Honey Bee Inn. What I haven’t experienced is a Final Fantasy game as insanely difficult as the fourth installment. Perhaps the first couple games featured on Final Fantasy Origins were the most challenging, but those PSone incarnations were on a glorious easy setting that made things a breeze. This isn’t the ca...
	Metroid: Zero Mission review (GBA) Reviewed on May 24, 2006 It is the start of one of the most cherished franchises, one that spawned sequels many consider to be among the best games of all time. It's ending surprised everyone, becoming one of the most iconic moments in gaming history. It is ingrained into our collective consciousness, an experience anyone who plays games knows about. And it's a bad game. Yes, you heard me. The original Metroid was nearly unplayable thanks to some poor decisions, limitations in the hardware, and simply awful design ...

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