Review Archives (All Reviews)
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Gundam Battle Assault 3: Featuring Mobile Suit Gundam Seed review (PS2)Reviewed on September 27, 2007I'm gonna be honest with ya, straight out. If you're the kind of person that's critical for a game for its mechanics, graphics, story plot, etc etc, or a competitive fighter gamer then this game is absolutely HORRIBLE. Shoot yourself for even considering. If you ever have or will. If you're like me, who just doesn't give a crap that much about the specs of a fighter game and just out to have fun and waste time, then, MAYBE you'll enjoy this game. |
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Lair review (PS3)Reviewed on September 27, 2007The gamer in you will probably wish that your mount didn't take so long to turn, but consider how unrealistic it would be if you could maneuver through the air like a sports coup with wings. You might argue that realism went out the door the minute mythological monsters entered the equation, but one fact remains: riding on a beast's back should feel... beastly. |
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Red Steel review (WII)Reviewed on September 27, 2007Red Steel is a Japanese wannabe game whose play has an interesting metaphorical resemblance to a happy meal. There, I summed up everything you needed to know in one simple sentence. The sad truth being, that I'm really not kidding about this. You know how delicious that little tub of lard-glazed french fries looks when you're at your local heat-attack hut. That guy who photographs the hamburgers and tacos which you know will only hurt you in the end, does a beautiful job, and the deception t... |
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PaRappa the Rapper review (PSP)Reviewed on September 27, 2007Each opponent is quite bizarre. For example, you'll first face a karate master shaped like an onion. He busts rhymes about kicking and punching, and you have to respond in kind. The other key characters are a driving instructor that looks like a moose, a reggae-loving frog at a flea market and an obnoxious chicken that hosts a television cooking show. |
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Soul Nomad & The World Eaters review (PS2)Reviewed on September 25, 2007Soul Nomad, much like Phantom Brave before it, tries very hard to tell a serious story while also purveying the jokes that it assumes Nippon Ichi fans can’t live without. The result is a game that lurches awkwardly from dramatic to goofy moments, and often expects the audience to laugh at characters who are about to do or experience something legitimately horrifying (to the tune of genocide, infanticide, or rape, as the case may be). |
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Warriors Orochi review (X360)Reviewed on September 24, 2007Warriors Orochi is a Japanese boy's craziest fantasy come true. It combines the greatest Chinese heroes from Romance, the strongest Japanese warriors from historical samurai epics, and mashes them all together in a battle against SERPENT WARRIORS FROM SPACE. |
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Brain Age 2: More Training in Minutes a Day review (DS)Reviewed on September 24, 2007Feeling a bit stupid? Positive that the best way to fix your stupidity is with a videogame? Well then I suppose that Brain Age 2 would be one of your best options. But if you feel nice and smart, then there's an overbearing chance that you'll hate this game. If not right away, then in a few weeks. Why? It just gets boring and frustrating, that's why. I know it is an "educational" game, but it falls short even for this category with its lack of variety, overall brevity, and mind-numbing fl... |
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Guilty Gear XX: Accent Core review (PS2)Reviewed on September 23, 2007There was a time when Capcom was the uncontested king of rehashes. In the ‘90s, Capcom managed to produce a seemingly endless string of re-releases with Street Fighter II. Yet, Arc System Works has stolen that title from Capcom, or at least forced them to share it, because Arc’s Guilty Gear series has reached a similarly ridiculous number of updates. Guilty Gear XX Accent Core marks the fourth upgrade of Guilty Gear XX, which itself is an update (albeit a dramatic... |
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Two Worlds review (X360)Reviewed on September 22, 2007In the single-player campaign, you play as a mercenary whose main goal is to save his sister. Early in the game, you're approached by a black-clad warrior and told to find the Goat's Cave south of the small village your quest begins in. I eventually hit near the southern edge of the massive world, where an Asian stereotyped culture lived, and managed to completely miss the Goat's Cave. |
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Slave Pageant review (PC)Reviewed on September 21, 2007Yujiro Mido and Sumi Mizuno have known each other their entire lives. They’re neighbors. They’ve attended the same schools and been in the same classes. She walks with him every afternoon, trying to take care of him. He thinks she’s generally nice (though a bit of a crybaby), that her red hair is very pretty, and her figure is amazing. When Sumi’s nominated for the school’s Miss Twilight competition, Yujiro believes she just might win. To help her cause – but more to help himself – he rape... |
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Worms: Open Warfare 2 review (DS)Reviewed on September 21, 2007Even though there's an effective tutorial at the onset of the game (which you can skip if you're so inclined), getting a handle on the destructive implements available can prove difficult. Options like the flaming fist that lets you knock your opponents backward with a cry of “Shoryuken!” are cool and have predictable results, but more standard fare like the bazooka definitely doesn't. |
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Industrial Spy: Operation Espionage review (DC)Reviewed on September 20, 2007Imagine a game where you can take a group of spies into a building, and be able to sneak around while taking on its numerous challenges it throws in your direction. Using your spies to work together as a team, you'll be able to disarm traps, solve complex puzzles, and avoid guards while getting closer to your main goal. |
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Sid Meier's Pirates! - Live the Life review (PC)Reviewed on September 19, 2007Sacking formerly prosperous colonies into fiery ruin alongside your crew of drunken buccaneers, forcing snooty enemy captains to walk the plank after making off with their fancy doo-dads, or showing a buxom doxy just how you got the name “Long John” – it’d bring a tear to me eye if that murderous winged devil hadn’t torn it right out of the socket. |
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Stuntman Ignition review (PS2)Reviewed on September 18, 2007I drove a monster truck off a ramp and crashed into a water tower. I hit the nitro and plowed my James Bond-like vehicle through a collapsing cavern of ice. I nailed a cork-screw jump and spun my Night Avenger car *cough* Batmobile *cough* through a rocket that was taking off, gunned a motorcycle through the open hatch of a hovering helicopter. I drove over barricades, under exploding semis and straight through billboards. |
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Ninja Gaiden review (NES)Reviewed on September 18, 2007Ryu Hayabusa is a ninja with a dark past from which he can never escape. This has nothing to do with the storylines of the Ninja Gaiden series that Ryu stars in, though. Ryu's tragic history is, in fact, his first NES outing, known simply as Ninja Gaiden. While the modern Gaiden on the Xbox and Playstation 3 might be a masterpiece, Ninja Gaiden on the NES and Wii Virtual Console will leave you feeling cheated and morbidly depressed. |
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American Civil War - The Blue and the Gray review (PC)Reviewed on September 18, 2007The Blue and the Gray is a turn-based strategy title spanning the length of the Civil War. As the player, you may freely chose to command the armies of either the Union in the north, or the Confederate States in the south, and indeed, one of the more interesting features to any student of history is the ability to play through the entire war and win as the Confederates...Unfortunately, what I found is, well...a little too much simulation and not enough video game. You might enjoy it - provided you're a huge civil war aficionado with immense patience. The thing is, I would normally check these boxes for myself and, as such, can’t recommend this one. |
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King's Knight review (NES)Reviewed on September 17, 2007It’s called King’s Knight. It was made by Square. And it’s got all manner of wizards, warriors, monsters, and magical spells! Surely this is an epic RPG, rich with complex character development and deep old-school gameplay! |
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R.C. Pro-Am II review (NES)Reviewed on September 16, 2007Now instead of finding a few simple upgrade icons littering the track, you can snag money bags. These allow you to outfit your vehicle as you see fit, whether that be in the form of improved tires that let you take tighter corners or more powerful engines that render your opponents irrelevant. There's more strategy involved, both as you struggle to secure the most cash on each lap (since your opponents can pick them up before you if you get careless) and as you invest in the perfect vehicular modifications. |
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Duck Tales review (NES)Reviewed on September 15, 2007Duck Tales works so well because it remains faithful to the adventurous spirit that made its source material such a resounding success. After selecting a stage, you're dropped into what at first feels like just another level from any cutesy platformer. As you head to the right, though, you'll quickly realize that something is different: you have options! |
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UFO: Aftermath review (PC)Reviewed on September 15, 2007Aftermath tries a more cinematic approach to TBSing that could have worked if it wasn’t lost in the background. |
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