Review Archives (All Reviews)

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Available Reviews
	Avatar: The Last Airbender - The Burning Earth review (WII) Reviewed on December 04, 2007 The two-player mode offers small amounts of dumb fun, but otherwise, The Burning Earth is ultimately shallow, problematic, and frustrating. Go for it if you've got room in your heart for another licensed brawler. Otherwise, you're better off bending air elsewhere.
	The 80's Game With Martha Quinn review (PC) Reviewed on December 04, 2007 I was a little scared by the box’s blatant abuse of the word “gnarly,” but let all be forgiven by the image of one woman – Martha Quinn. If you grew up with cable TV, you shouldn’t need an introduction to this illustrious VJ.
	Draglade review (DS) Reviewed on December 04, 2007 You can choose from four characters. Each has a separate plot, but they all go through the same checkpoints. Once you've finished one tale, the only reason to brave the massive amount of recycled material is the character you'll unlock for versus mode. From locations to bosses to key events, almost nothing is utilized only once. This probably isn't a huge surprise and it wouldn't even be so bad except that there are only a few places to visit in the whole game!
	Mega Man ZX Advent review (DS) Reviewed on December 03, 2007 Most people stopped liking Megaman at X3. There was X4, which was painfully mediocre. X5 - X9, all of which were horrid abortions of games. There was the Megaman Zero series on the Gameboy Advance, all of which were either unplayably difficult or the same boss fight rehashed a billion times. There was Command Mission, which was mediocre at best. There was the Battle Network series, of which the first one was decent (if repetitive) and the rest were rehashed. There were Legends and Legends 2, whi...
	Monopoly review (N64) Reviewed on December 03, 2007 I'd meant what I said about the iron. He's easily the most expressive of the available choices. When you land on his property and have to pay rent, he'll chuckle silently but deviously. When he arrives on a space that is to his financial gain, he'll pump his arms enthusiastically. Even when he's standing still, he looks just maniacal enough that you can't help but root for his success.
	Mass Effect review (X360) Reviewed on December 03, 2007 Man has always wondered whether there is intelligent life beyond the sea of stars in the sky. In BioWare’s latest blockbuster, Mass Effect, mankind is late to the intergalactic party. Alien races have established a council that encompasses the best part of the Milky Way, and humanity is the new kid on the block. After discovering ancient technology on planet Mars, humans got a jump start that allowed them to travel time and space. The majority of the alien races are sceptical and envious of man’...
	Painkiller: Overdose review (PC) Reviewed on December 02, 2007 The game does a lot right, and is worth a playthrough just to see what each level has for you. They all have a similar feel, but at the same time are all very different. Enemies aren't reused. There aren't any palette swaps in this adventure. An impressive line is walked in that aspect. Unfortunately, all is not well in purgatory. While all of the aesthetics are in order, problems come up in the mechanics themselves.
	Geometry Wars: Retro Evolved review (PC) Reviewed on December 02, 2007 There are not many who lament the loss of the arcade space-shooter. With the great advances in visual technology over the years, it seems a strange choice for a developer to step back a couple of decades and hearken back to a simpler time. But that is exactly the premise behind Geometry Wars: Retro Evolved, as the popular Xbox Live Arcade game makes the transition to the PC.
	Grand Theft Auto: Vice City Stories review (PSP) Reviewed on December 01, 2007 You know what I hate about the Grand Theft Auto series? The damn cops.
	Ironsword: Wizards & Warriors II review (NES) Reviewed on December 01, 2007 The first thing you should know is that everything on the box of Ironsword: Wizards & Warriors 2 is an utter lie. Judging from the cover, most people would be expecting to play as a manly hero with a big sword and washboard abs that make shirtlessness a viable option. Let me warn you now; such a character does not exist anywhere within the confines of this cartridge. For those who enjoy making impulsive purchasing decisions, this may be a discovery that would infuriate the most ...
	Cooking Mama 2: Dinner with Friends review (DS) Reviewed on December 01, 2007 Sit back, let the timer run out, and you will still end up with a perfectly presentable dish and one of 68 new recipes for your lack of effort. Doing well gets a good score, but I’m not really the kind of guy who calls up friends to brag about my delightfully moist, and let’s not forget virtual, chocolate cake.
	The Legend of Zelda: Phantom Hourglass review (DS) Reviewed on December 01, 2007 Things starts how they always start in the Zelda multiverse, with the kidnapping of that dappy bint of a princess whose only point of existence is to be spirited away by dark forces at the start of every new adventure. In a new development twist for the series, Phantom Hourglass is a direct sequel from Wind Waker on the Gamecube, meaning that it inherits the THE BIG TWO flaws that chapter suffered from
	The Legend of Zelda: Phantom Hourglass review (DS) Reviewed on November 30, 2007 My professional obligations completed, I forgot about Hourglass. It's easily done because, as I alluded to earlier, it's crap. But now, bollocks to it, I'm going to tell you why.
	Trauma Center: New Blood review (WII) Reviewed on November 30, 2007 With two doctors available for each stage, you can partner up with a skilled buddy to zap viruses and set bones. As the timer ticks down and you combine your skills, you'll be sharing an experience unique to Trauma Center. It's fantastic if you can manage it, but let's face it: not all of us have friends, let alone talented ones. For such individuals, there may be times when the game feels nearly impossible.
	Wizardry: Proving Grounds of the Mad Overlord review (NES) Reviewed on November 30, 2007 You’ll open the battle against a shadowy figure with an vague name like “unseen entity” and have to wait a turn or two before the foe’s real name is revealed. And that can be dangerous, as this “unseen entity” could be a Murphy’s Ghost, which primarily exists to give young parties a high-experience foe weak enough for them to beat without much risk OR it could be any of many undesirable level-draining undead.
	Luxor: Pharaoh's Challenge review (PS2) Reviewed on November 29, 2007 If you've played a lot of puzzle games besides Tetris, you've probably encountered one where your goal is to stop colored marbles from rolling too far along a winding track. This is typically accomplished by tossing a few marbles of your own so that three of a single color end up next to each other, flash and then disappear. Sometimes, a chain reaction is possible, with multiple groups vanishing at once. Sound familiar?
	Time Crisis 4 review (PS3) Reviewed on November 28, 2007 Time Crisis 4 doesn't stray far from the formula its predecessors embraced. There's really no reason it should. As your characters walk into an airport, someone tosses a smoke bomb their way and just like that, the action has begun. From that lobby, you'll make your way through all sorts of chaotic events that range from a gunfight in the streets to a stroll through a dark cave to a helicopter ride where you're causing everything but the towering skyscrapers to explode in a fiery inferno.
	Twinkle Tale review (GEN) Reviewed on November 28, 2007 As I was making my way through Twinkle Tale, I was wondering why I play shooters. After all they aren’t the most appealing games. They are extremely basic, often very frustrating and repetitive (especially after spending hours on a single part), and nowhere near as technically advanced as the games that people play today. Yet we still play them. And in many ways they are more rewarding and ultimately more entertaining than anything else on the market, regardless of its graphics, re...
	The Legend of Zelda: Link's Awakening review (GB) Reviewed on November 28, 2007 I always thought that nerds on the Internet who wine “it’s all about the gameplay!” when their favorite game gets ripped on for some stupid gimmick or whatever were idiots. Obviously gameplay is the most important aspect of any game, but I would be damned if graphics, sound, replay value, etc don’t matter at all.
	Super Mario Land review (GB) Reviewed on November 28, 2007 Besides not having color, one of the main reasons why I didn’t care for the Game Boy was because of its games. It had some solid titles, such as Bionic Commando, Castlevania, and Kirby’s Dream Land, but they were all watered-down ports of NES games. In the end most of the crap that came out for the Game Boy either sucked or was a port. This wasn’t the case with every game though. Two of the Game Boy’s few unique games were the well-known puzzler Tetris, and Super Mario Land, Mario’s first...

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