Review Archives (All Reviews)

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Available Reviews
	The Adventures of Bayou Billy review (NES) Reviewed on January 19, 2008 Since it’s a widely accepted fact that when it comes to action games we American gamers are veritable supermen compared to our nerdy, Dragon Quest-loving Japanese brethren, Konami laid the foundations for such future translations as Castlevania III, Contra: Hard Corps and Devil May Cry 3 by reprogramming Mad City so that it would be impossible to play. I mean not even CAPTAIN N can beat this, and he’s a GAME MASTER.
	World Snooker Championship: Season 2007-08 review (DS) Reviewed on January 19, 2008 I lost my game 15-80, owing my points to a few lucky “Smash & Hope” shots and a high break of eight when I managed to pot a red and then the black. The few shots I took only really existed to draw the ire of the commentator who had heaped nothing but praise on my opponent. This is because the control scheme can politely be described as ‘tricky’.
	Star Soldier: Vanishing Earth review (N64) Reviewed on January 18, 2008 The fifth level of this game has an almost Derridian, self-reflexivity to it: the screen goes black, you see the words "Level 5" in bold white text, and a deep male voice announces the stage's subtitle, "Terrible". Vanishing Earth is without a doubt the worst shoot 'em up on the N64. It's also the best. In fact, it is the only shoot 'em up on the N64. Unfortunately, it is so generic, so flawed, and so unresponsive that you'll feel like your playing underwater, that it isn't worth your...
	Monster Truck Madness review (GBA) Reviewed on January 18, 2008 Monster Truck Madness is a relatively unknown title with a number of merits. It has good graphics, pretty good draw distance, authentic monster trucks, and smooth frame rates. If anyone is interested in a fun pick up and play monster truck game, you will definitely want to check this one out. Monster Truck Madness is the definitive GBA monster truck racing game.
	Halo 3 review (X360) Reviewed on January 17, 2008 Halo 3 has plenty of amazing moments, but one of my favorites occurred in the game’s first half as I was fighting off Covenant defenses in war-torn Africa in a desperate attempt to destroy that thing our adversaries are digging up, that mysterious thing that the Covenant have managed to uncover from beneath the Earth’s surface, that thing that we all saw in the game’s announcement trailer a couple of years ago. I led my team of marines into a garage where we were able...
	MX vs ATV Untamed review (X360) Reviewed on January 16, 2008 Whereas I found that the motocross tracks were so tight and narrow that I spent too much time braking and turning to actually pick up the pace and have fun, the ATV courses really take the weight off and give me more time to appreciate some of the simpler pleasures of off road racing.
	Ratchet & Clank Future: Tools of Destruction review (PS3) Reviewed on January 16, 2008 In my opinion, the PS3 hasn’t had any exclusive games that appealed to me with the exception of Metal Gear Solid 4 and Final Fantasy XIII which are still a long ways away. However, when I saw previews for the new Ratchet & Clank game and learned it was coming out in Fall 2007, I was excited. I played the demo at the Penny Arcade Expo in August and loved it. My roommate has a PS3 but all the games he owns are crappy sports game so I had to fix that by waiting for my local Blockbuster to have a...
	Link's Crossbow Training review (WII) Reviewed on January 16, 2008 After the rush of holiday games it’s good to have a cool down session with some smaller games. When the Wii remote was first unveiled there were a variety of mock-up shells that the remote would work with. One of these shells was in the form of a handgun that would help with aiming and shooting in first-person shooter games. At E3 2007, Nintendo revealed the Wii Zapper, a shell attachment for the Wii remote that resembled what looked like a submachine gun and required two hands to wield. In ...
	Tsumi to Batsu: Hoshi no Keishousha review (N64) Reviewed on January 16, 2008 Saki’s having a bad day. Well, worse than usual. His morning started with a shootout. Nothing too serious; Saki is one Hell of a gunslinger, and these Armed Volunteer goons can be taken out with a few bullet sprays. He must have murdered dozens – no, hundreds - of those armored warriors. But it’s getting old. You’d think that the government would take a hint and cut their casualties, but they keep sending wave after wave of these guys. It’s not like you can really blame them, though; Achi...
	MX vs. ATV Untamed review (DS) Reviewed on January 15, 2008 I wasn’t prepared for such a devastating trip through the portable chop-shop. I only managed to squeeze about four minutes of reckless fun before Untamed and its constricted tracks morphed into an exercise in repetition. There’s a fine line where a game stops being challenging and starts feeling like work.
	ATV Offroad Fury: Blazin' Trails review (PSP) Reviewed on January 15, 2008 Even on normal difficulty, on countless occasions I've had a race all but wrapped up, taking care to play it safe as the game allows in the home stretch, only to land a jump on a barricade and get tossed violently from my vehicle while the other riders whip by (they're probably smiling under their helmets, the bastards).
	Turok: Rage Wars review (N64) Reviewed on January 15, 2008 Did you know that there were multiplayer first-person shooters for the N64 other Goldeneye and Perfect Dark? No really – it’s true! Turok: Rage Wars is the fleshed out multiplayer scenario that didn’t quite pan out in Turok 2: Seeds of Evil. It might not offer the compelling single player found in Rare’s dominating shooters, but the combination of well designed maps, balanced weapons, and a flying drill called the cerebral bore (which does exactly what you think it...
	Medal of Honor: Airborne review (PC) Reviewed on January 15, 2008 To say that Medal of Honor: Airborne is the best game in the storied Medal of Honor franchise is an understatement. Airborne just may be one of the most compelling and entertaining World War II shooters ever coded. It has taken a long time, but it seems that the developers of this franchise have finally found the means to deliver the game that they've always wanted to create - a truly cinematic World War II game that is less about realism and focused on irrational heroism.
	MX vs ATV Untamed review (PSP) Reviewed on January 15, 2008 Some of the events are minutely tuned to keep you on the edge of your seat from beginning to end. Often, you finish the timed events with only seconds to spare, and the races are challenging, pushing you to the limit in order to beat the other riders. Luckily, the frustration is lessened somewhat by the game's free roaming aspect, which allows you to take a breather at any time, ride around, do some tricks, jump onto buildings, whatever you want. But it's really just kind of delaying the inevitable. Even with these little flickers of excitement, the objectives themselves are somewhat repetitive as well, and you just get to do them all again from zone to zone.
	Wizardry: Proving Grounds of the Mad Overlord review (NES) Reviewed on January 14, 2008 You are in a dark dungeon. The stench of kobolds overpowers you as you squint down the dark hall. You step forward and pause, fearful of an ambush from an unseen band of highway men. When the ambush does not come, you feel brief relief -- but it is short lived, for each and every step you take, could be your last. You turn and look behind you. Through the darkness, you can no longer see the ladder that you used to descend into this labyrinth. What madness has driven you here?
	Discipline: The Record of a Crusade review (PC) Reviewed on January 13, 2008 Long ago, some forgotten professional reviewer bemoaned the notion of a restrained hentai game. H-games should be outrageously grotesque and push the limits of good taste, he opined. Cum should fly freely across the screen. Orgies should abound. Discipline: The Record of a Crusade works towards that ideal by presenting stunning levels of repellent perversion. Where else can you watch a young lady savor a steaming bowl of rice topped with globs of semen?
	Life Force review (NES) Reviewed on January 13, 2008 If you have seen the movie Silent Hill then you may remember the moment before Rose descends into the underground labyrinth to confront the so-called "demon". She stands briefly before a map, closes her eyes, and attempts to commit the path she must follow through those winding halls to her memory. Her experiences thus far in the film have taught her to expect any assortment of horrifying abominations to obstruct her way, thus any misstep she might make would likely result in her death....
	Omega Five review (X360) Reviewed on January 13, 2008 Omega Five isn't the most original shoot 'em up title ever made; in fact, it doesn't even try to do anything new to rejuvenate the genre. It sticks to the basics and reuses moments from other shmups, like when you encounter a giant, flying centipede in the second stage. As the level begins, you only see it pop in and out of the trees in the background, but it eventually dives into the foreground. Seconds later, it maneuvers around the screen while shooting bullets everywhere, forcing you ...
	Super Paper Mario review (WII) Reviewed on January 13, 2008 Turning Mario & Co. into paper cut-outs was a surprisingly good on Nintendo’s part. After all, it led to the creation of the excellent Paper Mario RPGs on the Nintendo 64 and Gamecube. Super Paper Mario is the third installment in the series, but it alters the formula to the point where it's almost unrecognizable. While this prevents the series from becoming stale, the changes weren't necessarily for the better. While some of the additions to Super Paper Mario are clever...
	Montezuma's Revenge review (C64) Reviewed on January 13, 2008 Back in the good old Commodore days of gaming, when a game took half an hour to be loaded from tape and 'shockingly realistic animations' meant some sprites went through two frames, graphics meant very little to us. I'd say they meant nothing, but that's not entirely true: we did want them functional. Colours were there to help distinguish what happened on the screen, not to make your jaw drop. As long as we could tell what was going on, we didn't really care about any eye candy. We preferred to...

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