Review Archives (All Reviews)
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Kirby 64: The Crystal Shards review (N64)Reviewed on August 05, 2008I must confess a predisposition to certain things that we in the west generally consider sickeningly adorable. The very idea of a pink, balloon-like creature with stubby little arms and those cute little eyes just makes me want to run out and hug something. Some may say that the appropriate audience for such a game is clearly pre-adolescent, and that to hug other Kirby 64 players would make a pedophile, to which I would retort that anyone under the age of 15 probably has no idea what an... |
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Hail to the Chimp review (X360)Reviewed on August 04, 2008The humor is practically non-existent with even the puns falling flat (and I usually love those). This wouldn't be a problem if the rest of the game were an improvement, but it's really not. The uninspired mockumentaries are actually the highlight of the whole affair (and double as bonus content that you can unlock). When you're a developer and the best bits in your game are rather poorly animated segments that wouldn't cut it on network television or even Cartoon Network in the early morning hours, you know that your project is seriously flawed. |
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BioShock review (X360)Reviewed on August 04, 2008The setting of Rapture is unique, which in horror-themed FPS terms means the developers were free to pull off new environmental tricks – like having water leaking in through the windows, or making the walls creak from the pressure – in addition to the usual flickering lights and distant screams. Irrational also knew how to handle irony and awkward juxtaposition, too. Watching a little girl in a pink dress who’s stabbing corpses with a giant syringe get attacked by a bunch of lunatics wielding rusty pipes is unsettling. It’s even more unsettling when it all unfolds as “How Much Is That Doggy in the Window?” plays on an old turntable in the background. |
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Portal review (PC)Reviewed on August 04, 2008For a game that toys with such an inventive idea, it gets it miraculously spot-on in one attempt. The whole thing is strikingly intuitive, meaning that within ten minutes you've grasped the fundamental concepts of the whole thing, and your progression is simply down to your thinking power. Solutions are often abstract or lateral, but never illogical, meaning there's a sense of reward for every one completed. The difficulty and complexity curves are handled brilliantly, with the introduction of the portals themselves coming a while before you get your hands on the fantastic portal device, and the puzzles themselves always a logical progression from the previous one. It's always fast-paced, always interesting, and always stupendously entertaining. |
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Women’s Volleyball Championship review (PS2)Reviewed on August 04, 2008It's so frustratingly unpredictable that you begin to feel like you're not even playing. Why do the players respond so poorly to your commands? Why do you have so little control over where the ball goes? How is it that your teammates are more likely to excel if you just press the button once or twice per round and then leave them to their own devices the rest of the time? I just don't know, and nothing in the tutorials answered such queries. |
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SNK Arcade Classics: Vol. 1 review (WII)Reviewed on August 04, 2008... A compilation burdened by games that don’t showcase why players loved SNK so much in the days of the arcade. While there’s definitely some good content here, Vol. 1 feels like a missed opportunity... |
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Pro Cycling Manager/Tour de France 2008 review (PC)Reviewed on August 04, 2008The premise of being a cycling manager preparing for the Tour de France is a simple one: Find a team; Train them until they threaten to quit; Find a sponsor; Win. |
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Jet Force Gemini review (N64)Reviewed on August 03, 2008I’m generally okay with fetch quests – hell, half of my N64 career was positively made of fetch quests – but Rare bumps it up a notch. They obscure some of the Tribals from regular view. The others are thrown out into the open, where they’re more likely to get killed by stray gunfire. What’s worse is that worlds are divided into districts, and you’ve got to collect all of an area’s Tribals before you leave. If an area has ten Tribals and you save nine, you can’t come back later and rescue the one that you missed. You’ve got to get them all in one fell swoop. It’s not simply tiring – it’s exhausting. |
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Goldeneye 007 review (N64)Reviewed on August 02, 2008Goldeneye was the best game I ever played in 1997. In 1997, the idea of firing explosive rockets in my brother's face without the threat of parental beatings was an experience I had never had (in 1997, of course). In 1997, I – as no doubt everyone else who played Goldeneye in 1997 – was flabbergasted by the shear scope of this thing. The expansive levels, the recoil of exotic machine guns, the hordes of intelligent Russians assaulting our hero from all sides, and the complicated missio... |
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Racing Team Manager review (PC)Reviewed on August 02, 2008Racing Team Manager is probably the most counter-intuitive and frustratingly illogical game I've ever played. There are no tutorials or help buttons, which is a bad idea anyway, but when all of the option screens seem to rely on bizarre icons or abbreviations for everything, it's simply absurd. It took me about fifteen minutes to work out why it wouldn't enter my car for the first race. It turned out it didn't have an engine in it. I only worked this out by clicking, then double-clicking, then clicking and pressing 'automatic' (which seems to sometimes set up a bit of your car by itself) in a desperate attempt for something to happen. Management games should involve careful, strategic planning and fine-tuning. This felt like playing Myst. |
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The World Ends with You review (DS)Reviewed on August 02, 2008The game kept going, for much longer than I had anticipated. Here, Neku finally met his arc and became a likeable character … and my adventure was far from over. It is here that you will actually start caring for Neku as a character, and it is here that The World Ends with You truly begins. How clever you are, Jupiter. You present us with an evolution in character most would save for the very end, and you just keep on going. |
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Order Up! review (WII)Reviewed on August 01, 2008Despite the solid selection of dishes on hand, cooking for the same motley assortment can get old after awhile and the game doesn't really offer much relief. About the only exceptions are a few mini-games. One has you flicking rats that run along the screen. Another has you quickly scrubbing plates under the eye of the watchful health inspector. Then there are the ones where you must move the Wii Remote to shake your workers awake when the going gets tough. These are nice diversions that fit the humorous cooking theme quite well, but there simply aren't enough of them to entirely dispel the monotony that is inherent to a title of this nature. |
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Final Fantasy IV review (DS)Reviewed on August 01, 2008There are approximately three Final Fantasy games I can stand – those being Final Fantasy 4, Final Fantasy 5, and Final Fantasy 6. So naturally, when I heard about a remake of FFIV coming out for the DS with new graphics, I was almost ready to go out and buy it. Then I remembered all of Square-Enix’s recent failures (including the sub-par remake of FFIV on the GBA) and loaded it on my flashcart instead, and learned that Square-Enix had nothing to do with the remake, instead contracting it to a c... |
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Q*bert review (NES)Reviewed on August 01, 2008There’s no back-story behind Q*bert. No noble quest to save the world from disaster, no real motive behind your presence, your actions. You lack any explanation for your objective. In fact, it seems your purpose is completely random, misplaced. But even so, despite lacking any enlightening information, your mission is clear. |
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Lucid Awakening review (PC)Reviewed on July 31, 2008Game: Lucid Awakening |
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Master of the Wind, Arc IV review (PC)Reviewed on July 31, 2008Game: Master of the Wind, arc IV |
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Master of the Wind, Arc III review (PC)Reviewed on July 31, 2008Game: Master of the Wind, arc III |
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Master of the Wind, Arc II review (PC)Reviewed on July 31, 2008Game: Master of the Wind, Arc II Super-Pack |
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Journey Escape review (A2600)Reviewed on July 31, 2008Run into the Kool-Aid man (who supposedly represents your manager, but the dudes in the band were probably on so much blow they couldn't tell the difference) and you'll get money and be invulnerable to anything with that band member, making it child's play to run right to the vehicle. |
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Keystone Kapers review (A2600)Reviewed on July 31, 2008More distressing are the toy planes. Taking one of those upside the head is enough to send a Kop down for the count. And, as you might expect, Harry is 100 percent immune to all of these distractions as he merrily dashes for freedom. |
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