Review Archives (All Reviews)
You are currently looking through all reviews for games that are available on every platform the site currently covers. Below, you will find reviews written by all eligible authors and sorted according to date of submission, with the newest content displaying first. As many as 20 results will display per page. If you would like to try a search with different parameters, specify them below and submit a new search.
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Zombies Ate My Neighbors review (GEN)Reviewed on March 21, 2009I found this game randomly while searching for something interesting to play. Its sheer strangeness attracted my inquisitive mind. I didn’t realize just how odd it would be, though. If the subtle allusions to other horror icons don’t draw interest, the utter weirdness will. After all, how many games have you fighting a giant baby that squirts you with its milk bottle and squishes you flat when it stomps on you? |
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No More Heroes review (WII)Reviewed on March 21, 2009In reviewing No More Heroes, it’s a natural instinct to compare the game to its spiritual predecessor, Killer7, but that won’t get you anywhere. The two games share a similar cel-shaded visual style and are both products of Suda 51, but that’s the extent of their similarities, save for the identical reactions they inspired from me: I don’t know what it is, but I like it. |
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Watchmen: The End Is Nigh review (PC)Reviewed on March 21, 2009I’ve decided that it’s pointless to judge Watchmen: The End Is Nigh as a genuine narrative addition to the Watchmen saga, because of course it fails. The graphic novel is considered the height of the medium by nearly anyone who reads it, and was penned by Alan Moore, one of the greatest writers of the last century; the game was made for no reason other than to cash in on the mainstream success that the license only just obtained a couple of weeks ago with the movie. You’ve seen thi... |
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Starflight review (PC)Reviewed on March 20, 2009When Binary Systems' space exploration adventure Starflight hit store shelves in 1986, it boasted some impressive features. I could recruit and train my crew, selecting among five different species. I could explore planets and harvest minerals or capture wild beasts. I could communicate with alien races in friendly, hostile, or obsequious tones, or I could communicate with high-powered weaponry. |
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Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego? review (GEN)Reviewed on March 20, 2009The biggest security blanket the cartel of ne’er-do-wells revel in is that, though it certainly fares better than most educational titles, Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego? is still a more graphic version of doing your homework, and not even the nerdiest of us enjoy that. |
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Kingdom of Loathing review (PC)Reviewed on March 20, 2009Picture the scene. You face off against a scourge of this valley in mortal combat. The Council has request you aid the baron of this place, and you are eager to please. |
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Unsolved Crimes review (DS)Reviewed on March 18, 2009This night seemed to beg for a horrific murder. The power had been knocked offline for a couple of hours, and the storm was still raging. Rain had blown inside through the broken window – the killer's alleged escape route – and drenched the victim's dress and shoes. They were the only solid remnants of the young woman left in the dingy motel room. Her naked corpse had already been taken away, or at least, the mutilated pieces of it. Scattered chalk markings showed where each of her limbs ha... |
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Major League Baseball 2K9 review (X360)Reviewed on March 18, 2009In short, your hopes are strung along at first by a satisfactory visual presentation, with the telecast handled by two well-known baseball buffoons. It feels reasonably similar to a day at the park. |
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Legend of the Ghost Lion review (NES)Reviewed on March 18, 2009Bread is the ONLY way to heal Maria, so you'll always want a good supply of it on hand. In fact, the entire game revolves around how much bread you possess, as your goal at any given time will be to run to a dungeon, find all the treasure and get out as quickly as possible. If you have enough bread, that will be easy. If not, you'll be at the mercy of the game's lackluster combat engine. |
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Resident Evil 5 review (X360)Reviewed on March 17, 2009Throughout the first chapter — while trying to escape an entire city that hated me, while hiding in dark corners and climbing walls to escape the bloodthirsty masses — Resident Evil 5 provided a heart-pounding, frightening, and thoroughly playable adventure with some disturbing real-world implications. I knew these people weren't evil, just sick... but I killed them anyway. I had to kill them to survive — they were bursting through ceilings, climbing through windows, hiding behind fences. By the end, I was shooting everyone on sight, and feeling pleasure. Heaven help me if there was an actual innocent soul wandering the streets. |
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Ultima: Quest of the Avatar review (NES)Reviewed on March 17, 2009RPGs have always been about trying to combine disparate genres into a seemingly endless cycle of nerdier and nerdier products. It started when a bunch of guys sat down, threw some board games and copies of Tolkien on a table, and ended up with Dungeons & Dragons, which resulted in some other guys sitting down, throwing D&D rules in with computer programming manuals and creating Wizardry. RPGs have been combined with every conceivable genre, from first-person shooters (The Elder Scrol... |
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Jake Hunter: Detective Chronicles review (DS)Reviewed on March 16, 2009Because of humorous mystery games like Phoenix Wright, you may have forgotten that murder is a serious business. Jake Hunter is here to remind you of the harsh reality. Under the name Jinguji Saburo, the private detective has been solving crimes in Japan for over twenty years. Rebranded for North America, Jake Hunter: Detective Chronicles revisits three of his earliest cases. Unfortunately, you'll be following his footsteps rather than stepping into his shoes. A lack of real i... |
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MadWorld review (WII)Reviewed on March 16, 2009There’s a man dying in front of you. Blood is pouring out of his torso like a fountain, and the gash across his gut is deep enough to suck. He’s staring at you with wide, agony-stricken eyes, screaming at you for help. There’s not a lot of time, so you have to act quickly. There are several ways to approach this, though. You could just let him die. But that’s not what your sponsor wants, what the fans expect, or the what the rules imply. Besides, it’s just… boring. So what will it be? A s... |
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Blue Dragon Plus review (DS)Reviewed on March 16, 2009Blue Dragon Plus is ultimately too well-designed an RTS to allow for the most basic strategies, but at the same time, it doesn’t offer the most complex, either. Simply grouping all of your units together and rushing mindlessly from one encounter to the next often won’t cut it, especially when the difficulty escalates in the latter half of the adventure. At the same time, attempting to formulate any advanced strategies, trying to really make the most of your available unis, will result in aggravation. |
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Grand Ages: Rome review (PC)Reviewed on March 16, 2009Grand Ages: Rome is made by the same developers and initially could be mistaken to be the same game as IR. The strict attention to detail is still prevalent, as is the fluid economy and employment system. The one big thing that GA introduces is more variation. With its predecessor, it was easy to apply the same strategy to every map – maps which were all too similar to one another. The obvious aim of its spiritual sequel is to mix things up a little. This is something that's prominent from first play-through. |
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Fenimore Fillmore's Revenge review (PC)Reviewed on March 16, 2009Missing the mark in everything it tries to achieve, Fenimore Fillmore's Revenge is a catastrophe of an adventure game. Thoughtlessly designed and amateurishly crafted, it quickly descends into a pile of pointless gibberish and unfinished ideas. Fortunately, it's so insignificant that it's not worth getting upset about. If you're stupid enough to play it, make sure you disconnect your speakers first. |
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Wii Fit review (WII)Reviewed on March 15, 2009It would seem that Nintendo's master plan has finally come full circle. After fattening up their user base over the last 20 years, they've finally released their own antidote: Wii Fit. I was given Wii Fit for Christmas in a not-so-subtle hint that I need to lose some weight. Thankfully, demand for Wii Fit is still high, so I was able to sell it recently and buy a real game instead. |
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Resident Evil 5 review (PS3)Reviewed on March 14, 2009Innovation doesn’t have to be good, right? That was what I first thought when I played Resident Evil 4. I was one of those few people who didn’t like the way that the game took the Resident Evil (Or Biohazard, if you prefer) series. Despite this attitude, I must admit that I enjoyed Resident Evil 4, perhaps not as a Resident Evil game, but as a shooter. When Resident Evil 5 was announced, I was one of those people who prayed, unrealistically, that it would return the series back to the old schoo... |
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Gears of War 2 review (X360)Reviewed on March 14, 2009It took me around a week to finish the original Gears of War, while I managed to complete the sequel in less than twenty-four hours. It’s not that I was in any rush to beat Gears of War 2 (I wasn’t) or that the sequel is at all shorter than its predecessor (if anything, it’s a little longer). The game is so intense, so utterly captivating from title screen to end credits, that I had no choice but to keep playing. Its hold on me was that strong. |
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Killzone 2 review (PS3)Reviewed on March 14, 2009Because the game rewards you for playing, you never feel that your time and efforts are being wasted. “So I got my ass handed to me and only made 10 kills in an hour," you might think. "Big deal. That’s still 10 kills closer to my next rank.” With that said, you'll never just have 10 kills in a match of Killzone 2. The game is designed for heavy casualties. It’s not uncommon to get over a hundred kills in a single match. |
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