Review Archives (All Reviews)

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	Attack of the Mutant Camels review (C64) Reviewed on April 28, 2009 'Attack of the Mutant Camels' is a creation of the warped mind of Jeff Minter, also known as the one man company Llamasoft. Between 1982 and 1987, Jeff Minter has come up with roughly a dozen Commodore games, often simple in concept, but sharing one common characteristic: they all have a twist of insanity. AMC demonstrates this point nicely, for the player is put in a starfighter with only one purpose: to save the galaxy from an attacking horde of huge mutant camels. The concept is silly enough,...
	Hover Bovver review (C64) Reviewed on April 28, 2009 Video games can answer many questions for us that relentlessly plague our minds all through our comparatively boring lives. What was previously just a part of our imagination can now be brought to life on the screen, putting us in wondrous "what if?" scenarios. What if I had been in charge of the Battle of Normandy? What if I was hunting for treasure in an Aztec tomb riddled with traps? What if I was the last line of defense against an alien invasion? Or, most thrilling of all, what if I had to ...
	BattleForge review (PC) Reviewed on April 28, 2009 EA Phenomic's latest effort could have served as a glorious marriage between the familiar and the exotic, like fusion cuisine for gamers. Instead it ended up tasting like two types of leftovers tossed together in the same take-out box.
	Aztec review (APP2) Reviewed on April 28, 2009 Aztec, the classic Apple II platform adventure game of tomb plundering excitement and bizarre glitchiness, was released in 1982. 'Nothing like it before. Nothing else like it now!' screamed the hectic looking ads in Creative Computing magazine. They were probably right. 1982 was the year after the arrival of Raiders Of The Lost Ark in cinemas, and was the same year in which the original Pitfall came out for the Atari 2600. Pitfall Harry presents as a colourful stick figure of girth...
	Archmage: The Reincarnation review (PC) Reviewed on April 27, 2009 A thousand years ago, war broke over the surface of Terra. No one quite remembers now what the cause of the war was. Some say t'were a feud of the gods, so great was the level of destruction wrought upon the land. Others point the blame at the technological advancements of what are now known as 'The Lost Civilizations.' Surely it is possible that in meddling with the powers of Science these civilizations worked their own demise.
	I'm Gonna Nurse You - Voice Plus!- review (PC) Reviewed on April 27, 2009 Though each leading lady to a certain extent has her own personality, they mostly share an obsession for your penis and will request regularly that you prove your love for them with your genitals. Similarly, the moment when you first do the deed doesn't ever feel right. One minute you're chatting it up and the next you're swapping spit and falling onto the nearest surface for a quickie while your partner professes embarrassment but wiggles her body so you can penetrate deeper. Whether she's wearing a nurse's habit (the fetish this game is most clearly meant to satisfy) or a nun's habit (an odd inclusion, but one that works), your woman of choice behaves the same.
	Gobliiins 4 review (PC) Reviewed on April 27, 2009 If this sounds negative, then it’s because it is! Gobliiins 4 is a flawed game, filled with problems, awkward design decisions and a baffling lack of foresight. It’s ugly, clumsy and displays nothing that would push you onwards into the late levels. Except for the puzzles.
	Supreme Ruler 2020: Global Crisis review (PC) Reviewed on April 27, 2009 Global Crisis doesn't do anything wrong by any definition, very competently building on the strengths of the core game and bringing more toys and scenarios to the mix. But neither does it add anything really new that shakes up the gameplay, and I confess to a bit of disappointment at that.
	Rhythm Heaven review (DS) Reviewed on April 26, 2009 One note regarding Rhythm Heaven; it's not about music. At least, not in the way that Guitar Hero, Rock Band, or Elite Beat Agents are about music. Instead, this quirky game focuses on the click-clack of a factory assembly line. It draws you into the tick-tock of a ping pong match. Spawning from the minds behind WarioWare, this title delves into the world of mercurial minigames, just as long as they have a beat. The music takes a seat in the background.
	The Bard's Tale II: The Destiny Knight review (NES) Reviewed on April 26, 2009 As a kid I liked Bard's Tale 2(BT2) and dreamed of getting an NES. But I never imagined someone would put the two together. So imagine my surprise twenty years after playing the game that, indeed, someone else had had the same idea I did! They'd had to shrink the dungeons down, and the riddles had to go, but what was left was a game that was pretty fun both before and after I knew what those weird hiragana and katakana spell glyphs meant. Though it was probably a bit easy after someone translate...
	Blue Dragon Plus review (DS) Reviewed on April 26, 2009 What good is equipping your meat shield as a monster bait when your stupid healer won’t stop standing in front of him? The more numbers mean the greater chance for complete chaos, and it’s all too tempting to ignore the game’s wishes to break your forces into four small platoons to explore different corners of the map independently when you can redistribute characters to far-flung areas between battles without penalty.
	Braid review (PC) Reviewed on April 26, 2009 Heaven forbid I have to move to the left while writing this review. Over the past few days, I've become so wrapped up in Braid's warped fourth dimension that I can't get these crazy time laws out of my head. If I move to the left, I'll lose everything, erasing my progress as the timeline reverses. That said, if deadline looms too close, maybe I can wear my special ring and slow down the clock. I could always rewind if something went awry...
	Valkyrie Profile review (PSX) Reviewed on April 25, 2009 A thousand tiny voices rise up from Midgard, the realm of the humans. Each of them has a different story to tell, and all you need to do is listen.
	Saishuu Heiki Kanojo review (PS2) Reviewed on April 25, 2009 Originally released as a manga back in 2000, Saishuu Heiki Kanojo tells the story of 2 young lovers, Shuuji and Chise against the bleak backdrop of World War 3. Living and attending highschool in the remote Japanese countryside of Hokkaido, the story begins with Chise confessing her feelings to Shuji. Though he doesn't take the relationship seriously at first, over time Shuuji finds himself truly falling in love with her. Then one day during a devastating attack on the city of Sapporo, Shuuji in...
	Astro Boy review (PS2) Reviewed on April 25, 2009 Tezuka Osamu (aka the godfather of modern manga) was to Japanese popular culture what Walt Disney was to America. In a country devastated by World War 2, Tezuka inspired hope for the future with a string of classic tales that gave even the lowliest of people something to believe in. From the radical genius of the surgeon Blackjack to a shiny future Metropolis where robots strove for equal rights, his stories have remained as relevant today as they were 50 years ago. Of his many creations, the on...
	Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles review (GBA) Reviewed on April 25, 2009 If you grew up during the 1990's then chances are you were exposed to the Ninja Turtle phenomenon in one form or another. Originally debuting in 1984 as a series of black & white comics by indie creators Kevin Eastman and Peter Laird, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles quickly grew in popularity culminating with the 1990 release of their first, self-titled theatrical movie. At about the same time Konami of Japan were working on an arcade based, 4 player Ninja Turtle inspired brawler that was ultim...
	Mirror's Edge review (X360) Reviewed on April 24, 2009 Background/story: Mirror’s Edge is set in an unnamed near future city, where all forms of communication are monitored by the local government. The only way to get messages through unchecked is through Runners, parcour practitioners who run through the city sky line in order to deliver information. You play as Faith, one of these runners, who early on in the game exposes a political conspiracy and is on a journey to expose the truth and her sister for being tried for murder.
	Lost Odyssey review (X360) Reviewed on April 24, 2009 You know, if you don't put much thought into things, the concept of immortality is pretty damn sweet. Since you're living forever, you'll be a drifter (don't want to freak out the mortals with how you're not aging, do you?), which means you'll see as much of the world as you please. You'll get to experience all sorts of cultures, watch civilizations rise and fall and pretty much be a walking encyclopedia of knowledge throughout time.
	Secret Scout in the Temple of Demise review (NES) Reviewed on April 24, 2009 Lots of games give you characters that kick butt, but only Secret Scout forces yours to. If you groaned at this pun, it is not as painful as trying to solve this game. The game almost could be good. It has a sizable map, items you have to ration, and a variety of scenes. It features a real underdog, too--your scout can barely kick in front of himself, and enemies quicker than him can hit him multiple times. Once you figure out how to navigate this mess, though, the game quickly gets repetitive.
	Sword of Sodan review (GEN) Reviewed on April 24, 2009 Sword of Sodan is a fine example of a game that manages to do everything wrong. It is a side-scrolling action title that, frankly, barely deserves to be called a game, as it succeeds in mangling every basic principle of gameplay, and ends up being nothing more than an endless button mashing routine in which the outcome is decided partially by luck and partially by your ability to not smash the cartridge into little pieces along the way.

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