Review Archives (All Reviews)

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	Shadow of the Colossus review (PS2) Reviewed on July 08, 2009 Shadow of the Colossus, more than any other game I’ve played, strives to be epic. The colossi, those enormous creatures that frequently steal the spotlight from protagonist Wander and represent the entirety of his opposition, live up to their name. With the light of his sword guiding him, Wander travels great distances to slay these foes, an act that he believes will bring his dead girlfriend back to life. Upon arriving at each destination, however, players are likely to be humbled by the...
	Drakan: The Ancients' Gates review (PS2) Reviewed on July 08, 2009 As for Snotmaw, well, I have to admit watching and hearing an audience chanting "SNOTMAW! SNOTMAW! SNOTMAW!" made me feel like a pro wrestling jobber about to get pasted by "Stone Cold" Steve Austin in a match held deep in the heart of Texas......but he was just a typical Wartok who hit harder and took a lot more damage. All I had to do was slash, slash, roll backwards, wash, rinse, repeat to kill him with ease. Oh, and he somehow got stuck trying to move around the Kong's corpse, which gave me a good number of uncontested attacks while the big dummy flailed about helplessly. Kind of anticlimactic, if you ask me.
	Tales of Monkey Island: Chapter 1 - Launch of the Screaming Narwhal review (PC) Reviewed on July 08, 2009 Still, this rebirth is in the hands of the adept Telltale Games, who recently revived Sam & Max, brought Strong Bad to tremendous interactive life, and rendered the quaint British tales of Wallace & Gromit in a mostly pleasing fashion. Aside from the original team, if anyone could successfully revitalise the Monkey Island franchise, it's these guys.
	Assassin's Creed review (PS3) Reviewed on July 08, 2009 Assassin’s Creed…
	Trine review (PC) Reviewed on July 07, 2009 Intelligent but unpretentious, quaint yet brutal, Trine is regularly an absolute delight. Delve into the options menu and you can set it up for co-operative play - which allows all three players in the world at once - adding another level to the already wonderful puzzle-solving. But even alone, Trine offers five hours of invigorating, exciting, hybridised and enormously beautiful gaming. For a relatively low-key offering, it's brimming with confidence in its image and approach. That's what makes Trine so darling, even when that skeleton gets stuck on a rock while a hundred bats eat you to death.
	Number Munchers review (APP2) Reviewed on July 06, 2009 Number Munchers (NM) had six cut-scenes; Pac-Man had only three, and they weren't nearly as funny. It's more exciting than some lousy flash cards or even chalkboard problem solving races, and it has high score lists, with names, for each sub-game. And it's more ambitious than its better-known peers, the Oregon Trail and Carmen Sandiego series. The latter, after several plays through, become veiled, randomized multiple-choice exams a notch above vocabulary baseball and other didacti...
	Robodemons review (NES) Reviewed on July 06, 2009 There are a couple of skulls in the bottom half constantly shooting at you while you're trying to deal with top-half enemies, including tiny non-firing skulls that roll right under your boomering's path because the programming doesn't allow you to duck. You have to have a high degree of tolerance for the mindnumbingly stupid to persevere through this — and if, like me, you're a fan of Homestar Runner, you also have to avoid bursting into uncontrollable laughter upon realizing that in the platforming levels, your hero bears an uncanny resemblance to Senor Cardgage.
	Steambot Chronicles: Battle Tournament review (PSP) Reviewed on July 06, 2009 Probably the best moment came after Venus had lost her precious pendant. When I offered to steal her a new one, she launched into a tearful backstory explaining that it was the last remaining memento of her dead mother. My response? I nodded sagely and asked Venus what her measurements were.
	FIFA Soccer 09 review (X360) Reviewed on July 06, 2009 For me, FIFA '09 is a multiplayer game. One so aggressively combative it's become a potential friendship breaker.
	BlazBlue: Calamity Trigger review (PS3) Reviewed on July 05, 2009 Ragna the Bloodedge has a problem. He’s just arrived in town, but they’re already after him. Everyone. Soldiers, vigilantes, and even a few heroes. You can’t really blame them, though. When you’re systematically wiping out the government - especially a dictatorship as corrupt as the Librarium - things aren’t going to be easy. Considering how much destruction and death he’s caused, it’s no wonder there’s such a huge bounty on him. He can handle the stares and terrified gasps from the common folk,...
	Overlord II review (PS3) Reviewed on July 05, 2009 Pastoral scenes and even the menacing fairytale forest are gone, replaced by environs that seem to have been drawn with no discernible rhyme or reason from a hat labeled "whatever was left." The icy village that you once called your home is improbably bordered by a tiny cave that leads almost immediately to a lush forest populated by elves who preach peace and love for all creatures. In effeminate voices they protest your vile actions (which literally include sending your minions forth to club baby seals) as you break apart pots and vases and swing the camera around wildly in an effort to see through thick foliage presented as an assortment of paper-thin textures.
	Call of Juarez: Bound in Blood review (PS3) Reviewed on July 04, 2009 It can be a bit much to take in all at once, but Call of Juarez: Bound in Blood delights in telling its twisted tale in an unconventional and sometimes surprising fashion. The next likely event is seldom clear as the player careens wildly from one volatile shootout to another, never far from disaster and a few profanity-laced one-liners. You might not always understand what just happened, but that's okay; the only details you really have to keep in mind to stay on top of things is that you're one of two treasure-seeking brothers and that your job is to shoot the crap out of anything that moves.
	The Warriors review (PS2) Reviewed on July 03, 2009 As in the movie, they're a fictional gang, hoodlumming it up and down 1979 Coney Isle. The Warriors and a hundred other gangs are invited to a "no guns" meeting held by a very charismatic cat named Cyrus, whose noble dream is to unite the gangs and violently take over every aspect of the New York City underworld. Unfortunately, a psychotic misfit from the Rogues takes advantage of this opportunity to plug Cyrus in the chest, making the peaceful meeting decidedly less peaceful. For shame!
	Power Soukoban review (SNES) Reviewed on July 03, 2009 Soukoban, though ported to many platforms, is really a better AI problem or programming exercise than a game. It's simple: push boxes in warehouse onto target squares, no diagonal moves please. For full game, repeat two hundred levels, expanding floor and number of boxes. Unfortunately, its faults are as simple: for nontrivial levels, the a-ha moment pales by the drudge work ahead. Ports that rehash levels with jazzier graphics or let you undo moves can't fully hide this. Power Soukoban t...
	Knytt Stories review (PC) Reviewed on July 01, 2009 Knytt Stories is a little hard to define because it's not technically a game. In actuality, it's a custom made level editor built by freeware genius Nifflas, the guy behind Within a Deep Forest and the original Knytt. He then used that level editor to build a simple story about a girl named Juni, prefacing it with the following:
	Metroid Fusion review (GBA) Reviewed on July 01, 2009 Ambivalent as I am about Metroid Fusion, Nintendo deserves credit for putting in something fresh. Designing the same old confusing labyrinths filled with hostile wildlife without changing a thing would have been a mistake, and even as the first new entry in the series for almost a decade, the game would have been an enjoyable letdown if it was just a retread. If all you want to do is emulate the Super Nintendo game, there are programs for that.
	Bujingai: The Forsaken City review (PS2) Reviewed on July 01, 2009 Bujingai is about Gackt, the androgynous Japanese pop star. But since this is a pre-Guitar Hero-era game, musician was not yet thought to be a viable game role, so instead you play as Gackt, the androgynous, immortal Chinese sword master. He has a different name in the game, but why bother with the pretense? This is Gackt merchandise, an arbitrary cash-in on his popularity in Japan. Some misguided individual in publishing must have been blown away by all the fancy, dancing swordpla...
	Esper Dream review (FDS) Reviewed on July 01, 2009 Esper Dream is a top-down RPG almost as captivating as someone blabbering about last night's dream thinks he is, until it inexplicably tries to get gritty. You play an Esper, a child who can enter the books he reads. Apparently you're a prolific reader, as your quest for the vanished mayor's daughter spans five different worlds. The starting town, which connects to them via grey houses, offers the usual cryptic hints about special items and shops with unaffordable arms. It is conventional...
	LittleBigPlanet review (PS3) Reviewed on July 01, 2009 LittleBigPlanet’s appearance and demeanor, right down to its voiceover narration by Stephen Fry, are so friendly and inviting that you’d half expect the game to be a product of Pixar itself. The levels, seemingly constructed out of found materials and building blocks, look as though they’re set in the confines of a toy box, and the quirky, episodic nature of the plots accompanying them give the impression that the adventure is unfolding within a child’s imagination. It’s only appropriate ...
	Chrono Cross review (PSX) Reviewed on July 01, 2009 Once upon a time, a goblin appeared in my home and told me if I did not unlock all of Chrono Cross' numerous endings via hours and hours of awful gameplay, he would infect me with AIDS. I suffered neither fate. Because goblins do not exist.

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