Review Archives (All Reviews)

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Available Reviews
	Crime Crackers review (PSX) Reviewed on October 02, 2010 If there is one thing the classic FPS title Doom did not need it was a bunch of numbers, but evidently someone in Japan thought differently. Import-only PlayStation launch title Crime Crackers is essentially a ‘Doom RPG’ full of first-person shooting, mazes, keys, and a bunch of stats. It sounds like a mildly interesting combination except it’s been ruined by poor level design and gimped shooting mechanics.
	Katamari Forever review (PS3) Reviewed on October 02, 2010 One day, the King of the Universe is out in the Nebulae playing with his son, the Prince. The Prince can jump pretty far, but he's no match for the King just yet. In fact, the King can jump as high as he likes, and he does, just to show the Prince how it's done - but disaster strikes! He's hit in the head by a meteor.
	Pong review (ARC) Reviewed on October 02, 2010 Russell's quote rings true in this instance too; if Pong never caught on, we’d simply be crediting a different title for introducing the product to the market, perhaps even a better title. Thank Asteroids, or Joust, or Defender. The entrepreneurs that tried to bring video games to the mainstream – your Bushnells and Baers – were determined men. Many of them dropped out of schools and mortgaged their futures on the hunch that this would become a viable medium of entertainment. And they suffered setbacks before, having seen their ideas rejected by countless manufacturers. They persevered through those. What makes anyone think Nolan Bushnell would have suddenly abandoned his dream if just his second attempt at an arcade game failed? What makes anyone think video games wouldn't exist without Pong?
	Al-Qadim: The Genie's Curse review (PC) Reviewed on October 01, 2010 In an age long lost, the standard appearance of a main character vastly differed then that of today. Today, we have protaganists that look more like they belong in a gothic fashion magazine then as a serious combatant, complete with girly long-haired and sunbed tans. But in 1994 the exact opposite applied: manly men with bronze-skinned bodies and muscles that would make Arnold in his prime weep, wearing naught more than a turban and loose-fitting silk trousers.
	Winter Voices -- Chapter One: Avalanche review (PC) Reviewed on October 01, 2010 Poor pacing, boring battles and mountains of pretentious prattling more suited to a art house coffee shop after hours. The game tries -- it really tries -- to take the gamer on an intellectual ride, to sell to them its world, its setting and its misery. But in doing so, often forgets that it’s meant to be a functioning game underneath all this.
	R-Shark review (ARC) Reviewed on October 01, 2010 In R-Shark the background scrolls to the right but the bullet remains on screen, keeping the same trajectory. The results are utterly bizarre. Weaving through waves and flurries of enemy fire, enemy ammunitions fly yet “flutter” like pitched knuckleballs, the swaying background tricking the eye into thinking their trajectory is shifting with your craft. But it’s not. Your craft shifts the background, but isn’t shifting with the background. And the bullets aren’t shifting at all.
	The Flintstones: The Rescue of Dino & Hoppy review (NES) Reviewed on October 01, 2010 Bedrocklevania (it's not as bad as it sounds)
	Kick Master review (NES) Reviewed on September 30, 2010 A real kick in the teeth
	Final Fantasy XIV review (PC) Reviewed on September 30, 2010 Should you have the patience to overcome these initial hardships, you'll find that Final Fantasy XIV has the potential to be a very enjoyable game, despite how detractors simply say it's a Final Fantasy XI clone with shinier graphics. There are, of course, some similarities. The locales are different, but because they used the same races as FFXI and the same design team created both games, they have a very similar aesthetic. Seeing videos of the FFXIV make gameplay look like FFXI, but prettier. It's not until you learn about the intricasies of the mechanics fueling both games that it becomes easy to understand how vastly different they are.
	The Punisher review (ARC) Reviewed on September 30, 2010 Spawned from the calamity came The Punisher, forever replacing our blue-collar "everyday hero" with a hell-bent, vengeance-seeking vigilante. This antihero is not out fighting for the common good; he's fighting against the vile criminals that took away his family, utilizing any means necessary to do so. Should a few distressed damsels be rescued and precious ecosystems be saved in the process, then that's okay too. It's just not the primary concern here; igniting gun-toting gangsters with a flamethrower before hurling a steel harpoon through their abdomens is of greater importance to this man. Even the costume reeks of bad attitude: a dark blue spandex suit, skull design across the chest clinging to his ripped brawny frame, massive calf muscles bulging out of white leather boots. This man isn't a superhero at all -- he's just one hundred percent badass.
	Video Pinball review (A2600) Reviewed on September 29, 2010 Its title alone should tell you who Video Pinball will please.
	Halo: Reach review (X360) Reviewed on September 29, 2010 There’s success to be found in Reach but the conclusion is forever fated to be bitter-sweet. It’s your role to watch the planet you set out to defend burn, and there’s nothing you can do to stop it. All you can do is try to make sure that before the cities are crushed and the surface turned to glass, that the invading army knows fear the way you do. And if that’s not enough, that they also know that a 5.52mm bullet to the head is universally fatal independent of race.
	Edward Randy review (ARC) Reviewed on September 29, 2010 It is Jackson Pollock, wildly throwing colors against canvas and seeing what sticks. “He should fight a bulldozer.” “He should fight TWO tanks.” “These mutants need more body armor!” No outlandish idea was held back; creative expression trumped programming limitations and established good-gaming practices. “Let’s make him swing from the underside of ledges.” “Let’s make the plane he’s fighting atop do barrel rolls.” “Is there any way we can add more fire?" The flood of absurd ideas springing from Data East’s designers – yes, the folks behind Bad Dudes, of all people, are behind this inspired brainstorming – had nothing to do with what they technically could achieve, but simply what they wished they could do.
	Tagin' Dragon review (NES) Reviewed on September 28, 2010 *Taggin'
	Final Fight review (ARC) Reviewed on September 28, 2010 Take from it whatever preposterous character, whatever outrageous scene, whatever moment of sheer stereotypical brilliance you want. Pick a stray hammer up off the street to boost your high score! Partake in the greatest mini game ever: BREAK CAR!, where you attempt to obliterate a gang member’s wheels with a steel pipe within a thirty second time limit. Fight a never-ending onslaught of unforgettable attackers for the most just and noble of causes: the life of a pretty young girl, the livelihood of a city overrun by criminal influence. Witness the title that directly spawned The Punisher, Cadillacs & Dinosaurs and the rest of the beat ‘em up revolution of the early nineties. Relish your gritty, unadulterated manhood.
	The Lurking Horror review (APP2) Reviewed on September 27, 2010 Infocom released more than thirty Interactive Fiction titles in their time, setting the standard for sophisticated text adventure game parsers in the process, but only one of these games declared itself as belonging to the horror genre. That one was 1987's The Lurking Horror (TLH). In this adventure you assume the role of a student at the fictional GUE Tech whose essay on the topic of 'Modern analogues of Xenophon's Anabasis' is due tomorrow. The game begins with you sweating away at your essay ...
	Halo: Reach review (X360) Reviewed on September 27, 2010 Though, it's not all a complete mess; if you're going on playlists that contain smaller, confined maps, you have a better chance of having a good time. The spawns aren't as horrific, and match selections, like Infection and Grifball, are better suited to those locations.
	Altered Beast review (ARC) Reviewed on September 27, 2010 Not only that, it succeeded: whereas the “technically brilliant” titles of yesteryear now wallow in their “good for their time” dubiety, Altered Beast remains the same guilty pleasure it always has. Undoubtedly, I think it was its vision all along to become the cheesy cult-classic of the video game world, to be so exuberantly, intriguingly ridiculous it would never be forgotten. Keep laughing at the thought, the absurd notion its lambasted legacy has only helped it become what it is. It’s Santa Claus Conquers the Martians. It won.
	64th Street: A Detective Story review (ARC) Reviewed on September 26, 2010 Meet private investigator Rick and his partner Allen, two rough-and-tumble sleuths who defiantly unsubscribe from the traditional detective stereotype. Look no further than their appearance: the mustachioed Rick rocks a violet dress shirt, dandelion tie and burnt orange trousers, while the much younger Allen prefers more discreet attire, accentuating his white tank top and blue denim jeans with a stylish maroon vest. This pairing doesn’t exactly conduct investigations by combing over crime scenes with a magnifying glass either. Instead they take it to the mean streets and start cracking skulls in hopes, sooner or later, someone will finger their man.
	Breath of Fire III review (PSX) Reviewed on September 25, 2010 This isn't the kind of game akin to an A-class film, but it's not direct-to-video dreck either. This is like the kind of decent film you might see on a rainy Sunday afternoon, one that's entertaining enough to watch, but not enough to rave over. It's modest and fun, but it thinks it's more. It thinks it's out of this world. It just isn't.

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