Review Archives (All Reviews)
You are currently looking through all reviews for games that are available on every platform the site currently covers. Below, you will find reviews written by all eligible authors and sorted according to date of submission, with the newest content displaying first. As many as 20 results will display per page. If you would like to try a search with different parameters, specify them below and submit a new search.
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Muscle March review (WII)Reviewed on October 31, 2010You've likely seen the trailer for this game on a video website. You know, the one where a bunch of confusing sequences are tossed in your face while weird J-Pop music plays in the background? And there was this highly enthusiastic Japanese announcer constantly shouting, throwing in a few Engrish words every so often. I'm sure some of you blocked it out of your mind, but there were also a ton of happy, muscly men in thongs. One was sporting a killer mohawk. Another was wearing a top hat. There w... |
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Vampire: The Masquerade - Bloodlines review (PC)Reviewed on October 30, 2010These aren't the sorts of vampires who constantly whine about their lost humanity or take annoying teenage princesses to the prom. We're talking about hard-drinking and even harder-dying undead anarchists packing UZIs who'd just as soon rip your head off and use it to shoot hoops in the dirty, haunted streets of downtown Los Angeles, except that kind of thing always gets the elders' velvety cloaks in a bunch. |
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Mr. Do! review (A2600)Reviewed on October 30, 2010Mr. Do has to harvest cherries from his overgrown orchard. However, some Badguys (this is what the manual calls them) are out to not only horribly murder Do, but also eat his cherries. . Were they really that strapped for time? They couldn't have given the enemies a deeper collective name than that? |
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Neutopia review (TG16)Reviewed on October 29, 2010The Triforce doens't stand for this. |
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Shin Megami Tensei review (SNES)Reviewed on October 29, 2010For Kazuya, a perfectly ordinary Japanese youth, it had been a perfectly ordinary beginning to a perfectly ordinary day. Then his mom gets eviscerated by a demon from the rather similarly torn bowels of the underworld, he accidentally transmogrifies the faithful family hound into Cerberus, and the world ends. |
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Gabriel Knight: Sins of the Fathers review (PC)Reviewed on October 28, 2010Whether in the role of silver-tongued conman or paranormal investigator, Gabriel Knight is definitely someone you'll want to know; his career might have begun just as the entire adventure genre was taking those first, faltering steps on its slow descent into irrelevance, but Sins of the Fathers masterfully demonstrates why Sierra On-Line once drove the computer industry. |
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Haunted Casino review (SAT)Reviewed on October 27, 2010These garments are handed over to the very approving imp in exchange for heaving stacks of chips nearly as abundant as those newly revealed pleasure globes until at last your bankrupt beauty goes down with a hilariously inept video of the poor lass being sucked into a black hole, presumably in search of some pants. |
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Splatterhouse 2 review (GEN)Reviewed on October 26, 2010The controls are stiffer than one of its endless supply of corpses, and the average level is a short, uninspired advance from left to right punching identical hordes of muck-encrusted undead while occasionally hopping over a hole in the floor. There's only one reason this cartridge wasn't totally lost to the shadows of mediocrity – it has enough gore to fill a swimming pool. |
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Vampire Killer review (MSX)Reviewed on October 25, 2010At a cursory glance it might even resemble a simple port, but this impression couldn't be more incorrect – Vampire Killer immediately stands out as a dramatic departure from the rest of the franchise even as its influence can be felt in Simon's Quest, Dracula X, and Symphony of the Night. |
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Blake Stone: Aliens of Gold review (PC)Reviewed on October 24, 2010Wolfenstein - Nazi + Aliens and overweight security guards = Blake Stone |
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Blue Lacuna review (MAC)Reviewed on October 24, 2010Don’t think that Blue Lacuna works simply because it doesn’t have graphics or a bunch of explosions, though. Not all Interactive Fiction can claim to have achieved what Blue Lacuna does. This isn’t some throwback to sensibilities that have long gone out of style. This isn’t typing “east, west, and open chest” in a meaningless dungeon romp with some comedy thrown in. This is serious writing. This is next generation programming. This is gaming that is inspirational and lasting. |
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The House of the Dead 2 & 3 Return review (WII)Reviewed on October 24, 2010There's a lot of whys when reacting to this particular release: Why not include the first game? Why these specific titles? Why the absurdly long name? Well, I'm guessing they simply used the Xbox versions, modified them a bit, and slapped them on a Wii disc. That would explain a whole lot... but since I've never touched the Xbox port, I could be waaaaaay off. As for the name, well, the name is just stupid, no matter how you spin it. |
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X-Men review (ARC)Reviewed on October 24, 2010Witness earthen bridges over lava fields lined with flame throwing hazards and enormous wasps that spew out a skull carved into a jungle cliff. Shotgun-toting Bonebreaker miniatures rove the inside of Magneto’s lair while stone statues carrying massive scythes animate deep in a ruin. While the dialog detracts from the production value – Magneto’s famous “Welcome to Die!” as he blasts apart a waterfall-side ledge just one egregious example – it is just as likely you find it kitschy as a fault. From crackling lightning in the backdrops to memorable scenes battling a crazed Nimrod as Kitty cowers bound behind an electromagnetic force field, the details go a long way in establishing the comic’s atmosphere. |
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Tasty Planet: Back for Seconds review (PC)Reviewed on October 24, 2010There’s a cleverness in the level design that helps extend the game’s brief lifespan. |
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Samurai Shodown Sen review (X360)Reviewed on October 23, 2010Samurai Shodown Sen is not an awful game. The only way it could be considered "awful" would be to ignore the barely playable fighters that have come out over the last twenty years. The characters perform expected actions whenever I press the buttons, and -- aside from plastic doll faces -- the graphics are well beyond "PlayStation 2 quality". I can say this with confidence because I've actually played PS2 games. |
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Sonic Adventure review (X360)Reviewed on October 22, 2010As a front-runner in Sega’s Dreamcast launch lineup, it’s only reasonable that Sonic Adventure would be the first Dreamcast game that Sega would port to Xbox Live Arcade. Serving as something of a tech demo for the fledgling console, the visuals stood above any game on competing consoles at the time. There’s definitely a sense of nostalgia that comes with running frantically down a pier while a killer whale gives chase in the Emerald Coast, or playing a game of NiGHTS Into Dreams pinball in the ... |
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Domino Man review (ARC)Reviewed on October 20, 2010The heck with Jumpman fighting Donkey Kong for a woman--I'll take Domino Man's balding, emotional protagonist fighting society for his art. All the poor guy wants to do is build up domino chains in a city block, a golf course, and a construction zone, but the people and animals around keep knocking down his work. A frumpy washerwoman, a drunk on a golf cart, various construction workers--and time itself, in the form of a clock that walks, err, clockwise around the screen--conspire to keep... |
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Vanquish review (X360)Reviewed on October 19, 2010Vanquish keeps the player too busy for him to stop and wonder if maybe he's seen this all before. |
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Hook review (ARC)Reviewed on October 18, 2010Licenses you never thought would be turned into brawlers, volume 1... |
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Contra: Hard Corps review (GEN)Reviewed on October 17, 2010"Restore order!" |
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