Review Archives (All Reviews)
You are currently looking through all reviews for games that are available on every platform the site currently covers. Below, you will find reviews written by EmP and sorted according to date of submission, with the newest content displaying first. As many as 20 results will display per page. If you would like to try a search with different parameters, specify them below and submit a new search.
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Art of Fighting Anthology review (PS2)Reviewed on February 17, 2008Art of Fighting will break you harder than Ivan Drago. |
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Final Fantasy Tactics review (PSX)Reviewed on January 30, 2008To win this fight, the game encourages you to run around the edges of the screen spamming Ramza's stat-up skills to boost him to super-human proportions while an enraged, mutated Weigraf chases you around like the victim of a poor Benny Hill sketch. After a few laps, Ramza will be so artificially bloated that Weigarf's heartbreaking final sacrifice will amount to naught. |
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Sam & Max 202: Moai Better Blues review (PC)Reviewed on January 28, 2008It even makes time to take sly shots at other games such as Portal’s teleport system, Duke Nukem’s inability to release a damn game on time and Metal Gear Solid’s over-dramatic death-scream. You know the one! |
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Ark of Time review (PSX)Reviewed on January 22, 2008But, no, that would imply that a light-hearted slant had been taken on the game. Instead, Richard's position and news story are SERIOUS BUISNESS! This leads him to undertake serious issues like helping a local fisherman find his rare white crab who jumped ship while he wasn't looking. Said fisherman isn't the sharpest knife in the draw, so just painting any old crab will suffice -- teaching you that newspaper writers are rife with treachery. |
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Brian Lara International Cricket 2007 review (X360)Reviewed on January 21, 2008No matter the skill setting of the team you're playing, be it mighty Australia to pitiful America, there's about a 50% chance that they'll either be an LBW awarded or the ball will smash into the bails. Either way, look to bowl out entire teams for under 50 runs. |
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World Snooker Championship: Season 2007-08 review (DS)Reviewed on January 19, 2008I lost my game 15-80, owing my points to a few lucky “Smash & Hope” shots and a high break of eight when I managed to pot a red and then the black. The few shots I took only really existed to draw the ire of the commentator who had heaped nothing but praise on my opponent. This is because the control scheme can politely be described as ‘tricky’. |
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Everquest II: Rise of Kunark review (PC)Reviewed on January 12, 2008Even when you leave the lush vegetation of Timorous Deep it becomes clear that the aspect of soloing is especially strong within the Everquest II universe, meaning you don’t need to scourge for a party before you try to take on even the simplest task. It’s an option that a lot more MMOs could do with including. |
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Crazy Pig review (DS)Reviewed on January 07, 2008Crazy Pig is a bit of an enigma, and by an enigma I mean a flat-out lie. Billed as a dual game that allows you to raise a piglet from scratch and play a slew of mini-games, the title only really delivers on the latter promise. The raising of your porker is little more than throwing food and drink at it when the hunger and thirst levels are low, making a fuss of it when it's sad or cleaning the messy little bugger periodically. |
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Crackdown review (X360)Reviewed on December 21, 2007A lot of hype has been slapped upon non-linear sandbox-games as of late, but any disconcerting player can see through all the buzzwords and deduce that all your Deux Ex's, your Lost Cause's and your Knights of the Old Republic's all walk you towards a set destination – they just offer differing and often intertwining paths in which to reach them. In this regard, Crackdown’s really no different; however, how it manages to take a step above the majority of’ ‘open’ games is in just how many different paths it presents. |
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The Legend of Zelda: Phantom Hourglass review (DS)Reviewed on December 01, 2007Things starts how they always start in the Zelda multiverse, with the kidnapping of that dappy bint of a princess whose only point of existence is to be spirited away by dark forces at the start of every new adventure. In a new development twist for the series, Phantom Hourglass is a direct sequel from Wind Waker on the Gamecube, meaning that it inherits the THE BIG TWO flaws that chapter suffered from |
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Luminous Arc review (DS)Reviewed on November 25, 2007The more ‘professional’ reviewers out there have all led their reviews by saying something along the lines of “It’s no Final Fantasy Tactics” and I fully agree with them. Luminous Arc isn’t a dull, monotonous trek through a featureless and overly-convoluted series of caves: it’s an explosive rocket bungee through a gallery of neon-lit wonderment. |
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Escape From Paradise City review (PC)Reviewed on November 18, 2007. The bank robber, Porter, can pick up anything to small machine-pistols (and, in an odd decision to recycle fantasy prefixes on the weapon types, a rusty Uzi) to hulking assault rifles while the crooked cop, Chekov, has a greater command of henchmen but prefers to provide covering fire with handguns. The last of the trio, Angel, a female brawler pulled from death row, simply kicks a lot or arse. Via violence. The three serve individual purposes, embodied by everyone having separate skill branches which they can level up through RPG-like methods. |
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Sam & Max 201: Ice Station Santa review (PC)Reviewed on November 11, 2007It’s been a few months since I last played through the six episodes of Telltale’s Sam & Max resurrection (and then played through them all again to review the entire season as a whole!) and the general feeling was positive. The series retained most of the aspects that made the 1993 original Hit the road such a well respected title and established itself as one of the better revivals that companies out of fresh ideas like the throw out into the market these days. Edios raping Lara Croft’s rotting corpse – I’m looking at you! Leave the poor girl alone. |
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Honeycomb Beat review (DS)Reviewed on November 06, 2007The only real problem with Honeycomb Beat (aside from its insistence that I share anything in common with aquatic invertebrates) is that it's not a game that will be played in long stretches; it's a half-an-hour-before-closing-the-DS one. |
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Urban Dead review (PC)Reviewed on October 26, 2007The frantic plight of new characters trying desperately to scrape up enough experience to buy those all-important skills is easily the most thrilling chapter of Urban Dead. |
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Valhalla Knights review (PSP)Reviewed on October 24, 2007Valhalla Knights makes a lot of assumptions. It assumes you already know that the character you're hired to escort through evil-heavy lands is automatically in your group, despite the game never telling you so and the character only ever showing up once said quest is completed. |
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Halo 3 review (X360)Reviewed on October 18, 2007But if asked to sum up what Halo 3 is without the narrative poise, it’s still an easy answer: it’s just like Halo 2. |
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Requital review (PC)Reviewed on October 15, 2007Requital finds itself more realised than Two Worlds, but simply not on the same tier as Oblivion. |
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UFO: Aftermath review (PC)Reviewed on September 15, 2007Aftermath tries a more cinematic approach to TBSing that could have worked if it wasn’t lost in the background. |
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WWE SmackDown vs. Raw 2007 review (X360)Reviewed on August 31, 2007In one section of the career mode, it even made it look like Bobby Lashley had an ounce of charisma! You know technology has advanced when it achieves the impossible. |
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