Forums > Contributor Zone > Review of the Week August 30 - September 5

Geez, where do I begin? I've watched so many horror movies since my last post that I don't know if I'll be able to get them all in. I'll try, though...

Blue My Mind (2017)- A teenage girl who falls in with the wild crowd struggles with a variety of strong urges and peculiar bodily changes. Despite being marketed online as a body horror film, it's really more of a blend of coming-of-age drama and dark fantasy, with a pinch of horror thrown in. Whatevs, it's still a decent, interesting flick.

Brightburn (2019)- What if Superman were a slasher flick instead of a superhero story? That's the premise. I'm not particularly over the moon about this one, but the kills were kinda cool.

Crawl (2019)- A woman and her injured father attempt to escape a Florida home during a flood, unfortunately now surrounded by dozens of hungry alligators. A lot of people raved about this movie, and while I enjoyed it, I'm not super wild about it. It's a fun time, but it's all been done so many times before.

The Dark and the Wicked (2020)- A woman and her estrange brother fend off a demonic force haunting their parents' farm. Good atmosphere and a few creepy moments here, but a lackluster conclusion that left me saying, "That's it?"

Goodnight Mommy (2014)- A pair of twin boys are convinced their mother, whose face is covered in bandages after plastic surgery, is actually an impostor with a sinister agenda... A good flick with a somewhat predictable twist. I liked how the roles of the characters slowly swapped as the story progressed.

Innocent Blood (1992)- A vampire preying on mobsters accidentally turns one into a vampire. She teams up with a detective who's been working as an inside made with the family in an attempt to clean up her mess. This one has some good, funny moments, but also bears a few draggy parts. I liked it ultimately, though I don't feel it holds a candle to its sister film, An American Werewolf in London.

Insidious 3 & 4- Ghosts and Lin Shaye. That's all these movies need, and they pay both in spades.

The Loved Ones (2009)- A girl asks her classmate to a dance. He snubs her, and ends up a prisoner in her deranged home. This one's pretty heavy on squeamish moments, and remains a fun, even-paced affair.

Malignant (2021)- After a home invasion leaves a her a widow, a woman struggles with savage visions of people being murdered. Big surprise, they really are being murdered. Batshit content ensues. This one plays out like a love letter to late '80s/early '90s gonzo horror, and I'm all for it. It's so odd, cheesy, and fun.

Possessor (2020)- A contract killer who takes over people's minds with neural implants finds herself trapped in the body of one of her targets. I love/hate this one. It's a freaky, weird story, but damn is it downbeat. Like, "you must real be fun at parties" downbeat.

Relic (2020)- A mother and daughter duo take on a malevolent presence that has settled in their mother's/grandmother's home. We've seen dementia likened to possession and hauntings before, but this one examines it with a fresh, soulful (and a bit creepy) take.

Rings (2017)- The third movie in the American line of Ring films sees a college professor exposing a whole bunch of people to the cursed video tape to prove that there is life after death. How did that turn out? I couldn't tell you, because I fell asleep watching this boring, cringe-inducing pile of offal.

Rewatched films I'll mention without added detail:

The Serpent and the Rainbow --- Phantasm II --- We Are Still Here --- Creep --- Pet Sematary (original) --- The Exorcist --- Psycho (original) --- Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark

Now, for the placements...


Overdrive --- Alex Kidd ***SECOND***
The penultimate paragraph sums up my opinion on this franchise precisely. I'm glad to see it taken down a peg yet again, and by someone who knows a thing or seven about retro platformers. You bring your chops to this one, skillfully taking it down as I figured you would.


Brian --- Welcome to Moreytown ***THIRD***
This was a very well-written, thoughtful, and balanced review of a game I never knew existed. I kind of had a hard time visualizing this title, but I think I was able to follow along for the most part. The main thing is you do a good job supporting your thesis, that this isn't the most interesting part of the story, so why bother telling it?

EmP --- Road 96 ***ROTW***
Cutting through the message of a piece can be difficult, but you managed. More than that, you were able to analyze the game beneath the message and come away with a description so stellar that I'm just about sold on this title. Rather than focusing entirely on narrative, your review analyzes the strengths of the "choose your own adventure" system, and does a wonderful job making it sound like quality material.

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No, not the bees!

The only thing my milkshake brings to the yard is a subpoena.

Thanks for the topic, Joe! I liked EmP's review for the game a lot, so it's not a huge surprise to see it win the week.

"Too often we enjoy the comfort of opinion without the discomfort of thought." - John F. Kennedy on reality

"What if everything you see is more than what you see--the person next to you is a warrior and the space that appears empty is a secret door to another world? What if something appears that shouldn't? You either dismiss it, or you accept that there is much more to the world than you think. Perhaps it really is a doorway, and if you choose to go inside, you'll find many unexpected things." - Shigeru Miyamoto on secret doors to another world2

I hated writing that review. Hated it! I kept dialing down the political parts of the intro, but then it felt like the review was missing out on a large talking point that needed addressing and putting it back in. Then toning it back down because the idea of being caught up in internet drama is exhausting. But then feeling like it needed saying regardless, so re-framing it, and so the perpetual cycle continued.

But I guess it worked out okay in the end. Thanks for getting this week in, and props to Brian delving into an oddity and for Rob's efforts into maintaining this site's retro backbone.

For us. For them. For you.

Thanks for the kind words and placement. And with these last two weeks, that's two more second place finishes on my quest to be the most second-placey runner-up guy in site history. Which is something as far as accomplishments go, I guess. Kind of like when a video game gives a tongue-in-cheek trophy like how you get one in a Dark Souls game by dying for the first time.

I'm not afraid to die because I am invincible
Viva la muerte, that's my goddamn principle