Forums > Contributor Zone > Review of the Week Jan 4 - 10: American Dirtborne Arcade for the Frog

Same old story, blah blah blah. I finished and liked Cathedral, took on and disliked Spirit Roots, and am currently trying to push through Vampire: The Masquerade - Bloodlines. I like it, but man does it feel archaic.

Horror movies again? You betcha!

Fascination (1979) is a French erotic horror flick about a thief who holes up in an old chateau with a couple of "vampires." I use quotations because this is a vampire movie the same way Romero's Martin is one. Both use more grounded types of vampires rather than supernatural ones, where here the ladies in Fascination are actually anemic women who have acquired a taste for blood thanks to a hokey doctor's therapy, which involves consuming fresh ox blood. It's a pretty odd, yet decent movie. It's also wonderfully shot, with still screens that can be really breathtaking. The image of one vampire clutching a scythe while wearing nothing but a tattered robe--ostensibly becoming the grim reaper--will stick with me probably forever.

I watched Frogs (1972) again, because of course I did. Something about the swamp taking bloody revenge on a chemical baron and his family while a young Sam Elliot tries to not get caught in the crossfire always brings me comfort. The frogs in the movie actually don't do much killing themselves, but seem to act as the emissaries of the swamp while spiders, lizards, gators, snakes, and turtles do the dirty work. It's a somewhat cheesy flick, but it's got that lovable drive-in theater/midnight movie quality to it.

The Witch in the Window (2018) is not an especially scary film, but it's a decent watch. It concerns a man and his estranged son renovating a house that happens to be haunted by a rather witchy old woman. The movie plays out like a character examination, dissecting the protagonist and his relationship with his son. It also helps that the story gives the antagonist an understandable motive and doesn't merely paint her as some run of the mill spectral villain.

I tried to watch the horror-comedy Deadtectives (2019), but found it too obnoxious to enjoy. I turned it off after about twenty minutes and moved on. It's just not my thing.

Party Hard, Die Young (2019) is not a half-bad German slasher about high school graduates who go to a huge music festival and get bumped off by a masked assailant. It would've been great if 1) it didn't have so many unnecessary characters, and 2) people weren't trying to shout their lines over loud music. However, the movie does a fine job of capturing the late '90s slasher vibe, similar to films like Scream and Valentine.

I also watched Gwen (2019), and deeply regret having done so. It's a long, slow, tedious Gothic piece about a mother and her two daughters trying to survive in 19th century Wales. Honestly, it's a well shot movie with good performances, but it's tale is slackly paced with a weak payoff. It's like the movie was trying to be The Witch, but failed miserably.

As for the reviews...

EmP reviewed American Patriots: The Swamp Fox, a rather dull-looking FPS that I have in my collection (thanks to EmP, at that). The introduction gives a terrific and quick breakdown for what appears to be a very minimalist experience. Basically Devil Daggers, except crap. From there, you write a piece of solid gold: "The more complex answer is you have access to dirty tactics the honour-bound British forces would never sully themselves with, such as side-stepping or aiming." I almost spit out my drink. Anyway, this is a good take on what sounds like an Atari 2600 game dragged kicking and screaming into the modern age with more updated visuals. There isn't much content to discuss with titles like this, but you covered all of the bases effectively.

He also took on DiRT 5 and snagged second place. When you're this far into a racing or sports franchise, the main questions you should be asking are whether an entry will alienate core fans, attract more casual onlookers, or completely screw the pooch. You get right into that here, wasting little time or space and hammering out a very fluid review for very technical material. You cover what sounds to be all of the important options and factors, plus how various fans might feel about them. Great job!

Pichut weighed in on Stretch Arcade for third place and used a tagline that referenced a rather obscure, unloved PS2 game. Digression: I've wondered about Stretch Panic, but I'm afraid to buy a copy because it sounds disappointing. Anyway, this is a great review that describes its subject perfectly. I was able to visualize what the game was like, and the added video confirmed that your description was on point. It's detailed in such a way that anyone will know whether or not this game is for them (I'm staying clear of this one, honestly).

Dagoss did Kaeru no Tame ni Kane wa Naru (For the Frog the Bell Tolls, apparently), a Game Boy action-adventure product that paved the way for Link's Awakening. I can just see EmP fuming over the food metaphors in this one. But they fit here, because this is a food-themed game ("more of brûlée than brutality" is a great one). I like how everything/one is dessert-oriented except Prince Richard. "Here are my children: Cobbler, Bundt, Sherbet, and Richard." Such an anticlimax! Anyway, this is an enjoyable review, mostly because I've never heard of this game and it was fun to read about it. You give all the right details here without going overboard, which is a common trap when reviewing RPGs or action-adventure titles.

Finally, Overdrive talked about Bloodborne for Review of the Week. First off: "I'd laugh at that notion, if not for fears my laughter would gradually get louder and higher-pitched until I was insanely cackling and sobbing at the same time." Someone get a video of this. Second: Control+F the word "marcy." Getting to the guts: this is a fantastic review that covers a lot of ground efficiently and oozes passion. It's done from that old "player's experience" angle, where the piece also feels a bit like a blog entry (in a good way, of course).

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Go in peace.

The only thing my milkshake brings to the yard is a subpoena.

Thanks for the win and I did catch that error you pointed out.

I'm not afraid to die because I am invincible
Viva la muerte, that's my goddamn principle

Massively obscure underwhelming indie or multi-decade spanning AAA racer. Who knows what that dastardly EmP will come up with next!

Props to Pick and ODdy, and great work getting this topic out so quick. We're almost back to base now.

For us. For them. For you.

I don't HAVE to play on the Easy difficulty, and in fact, didn't for much of my run through the game. In general, I play on whatever the default difficulty is when I play a "major" game, and usually do just fine for myself. In Ratchet & Clank's case, I dropped the difficulty setting and realized the primary difference is that loot drops more frequently and bosses are a bit less sponge-y, but otherwise the experience is identical. Since I don't particularly see a lot of value in hitting an enemy 50 times versus 40, I figured dropping it down made sense. As for the screenshots, they are taken from different levels. I took those screenshots myself, so I know. It just happens that I provided a shot of the train sequence, which was a bit boxed in at the moment of that screenshot (but I wanted to include it, since the review referenced it) and then a section with Clank, who tends to explore confined corridors in his limited segments within the game. So upon reflection, I can see how you would mistake them for the same stage, even though I actually took more effort than usual to carefully select screens to match the text. Check the full gallery if you want to see a variety of environments the game offers.

Anyway, that all sounds defensive, I know. But I appreciate your comments and the fact you and others are catching up on the RotW backlog so we can go back to enjoying them going forward on approximately their regular schedule. Congrats to those fine folk who placed ahead of me!

"Too often we enjoy the comfort of opinion without the discomfort of thought." - John F. Kennedy on reality

"What if everything you see is more than what you see--the person next to you is a warrior and the space that appears empty is a secret door to another world? What if something appears that shouldn't? You either dismiss it, or you accept that there is much more to the world than you think. Perhaps it really is a doorway, and if you choose to go inside, you'll find many unexpected things." - Shigeru Miyamoto on secret doors to another world2

Never played Stretch Panic either, only that I know two specific things. The first is that it's made by Treasure. The second is that... well... erm.... The first area alone is weird even for Treasure standards.

Anyway, thanks for the third placement! Around that time, I wanted to play something super basic, so this game caught my eye on the PS store. Glad the review was easy to read.

I head spaceshit noises.

If only there was an easy mode for internet forums; that way, Jason might have replied to the right topic!

For us. For them. For you.

I clearly suck at multi-tasking, but there's a lesson to be learned here: don't be like me!

"Too often we enjoy the comfort of opinion without the discomfort of thought." - John F. Kennedy on reality

"What if everything you see is more than what you see--the person next to you is a warrior and the space that appears empty is a secret door to another world? What if something appears that shouldn't? You either dismiss it, or you accept that there is much more to the world than you think. Perhaps it really is a doorway, and if you choose to go inside, you'll find many unexpected things." - Shigeru Miyamoto on secret doors to another world2