Patreon button  Steam curated reviews  Discord button  Facebook button  Twitter button 
3DS | PC | PS4 | PS5 | SWITCH | VITA | XB1 | XSX | All

Forums > Contributor Zone > RotW: Feb 15-21, 2021 -- The "I can't believe Venter reviewed a clock" edition.

Add a new post within this thread...

board icon
Author: overdrive (Mod)
Posted: February 25, 2021 (01:36 PM)
Actions: Register for a free user account to post on the forums...

We have another RotW with six people and seven reviews (and EmP put the odds of me forgetting his holdover at the sort where I could have cleaned up in Vegas simply by betting on me -- and I ALWAYS bet on me!).

I also watched more horror stuff via YouTube!

Home Sweet Home -- 1981 slasher where the killer is played by fitness informercial goof Body By Jake. As an actor, he sucks, but it is really amusing to see a totally jacked dude playing a meth'd up killer by making goofy faces and laughing constantly. Had an entertaining collection of cannon fodder, but a lot of scenes were overly dark, leading to anticlimactic kills. But if you've never seen a guy getting killed because he was under the hood of a car and a roided-up lunatic leaps out of nowhere onto the hood to crush him under it, well, this movie has that!

Frogs -- Early 70s eco-horror film staring a young, buff, pre-'stache Sam Elliott as an environmental photographer who winds up on the property of a rich industrialist right when all the animals go crazy and decide to kill every damn human they can find. Ray Milland is a hilarious asshole of an old man, who gives me hope for my golden years. A true role model for me! The movie is about 90 minutes, but it'd be 65 or so if they cut out all the padding via quick camera cuts to toads and tiny lizards supposedly looking "scary" or something. It was annoying for a while, but eventually turned around to be hilarious around the 1000th time I saw a close up of a toad staring into the camera.

Burial Ground: The Nights of Terror -- I've decided that sleazy Italian horror might be the best kind of horror ever because they aren't all that down with things like coherent story-telling or logic, but are ALL ABOUT the nudity and kills. Exhibit A: This film, which has a "plot" of: People go to a villa to visit a professor, but he somehow just caused the dead to rise; everyone dies. But also has one kill and two sets of tits in the first 10 minutes. And a mid-20s guy with a touch of dwarfism playing the role of a pre-teen boy. Who has incestuous feelings towards his mom. And, after he gets zombie'd, he kills her by biting off a boob. Because, after thinking he was dead, she was so relieved her creepy-ass 12-year-old was back that she pulled those things out to breast-feed him even if he technically should have outgrown that phase about 11 years ago (or 25 years ago in the case of actor Peter Bark). Right in front of the other two (at the time) survivors, who are just staring at her while giving half-hearted "he's a zombie!" warnings. Nothing could be finer!!!

Nightmare City aka City of the Walking Dead -- Exhibit B. These "zombies" pre-date the rage plague ones made famous by 28 Days Later by a lot of years. You have these large-scale attacks where tons of people are just getting butchered by people turned cannibal due to nuclear fallout or something, with the "zombies" using knives, guns and even driving cars in one scene. This movie is really dumb, but it's a fun dumb because it winds up feeling like a weird mash-up of a zombie film and, I don't know, Rambo or something. Besides, as a guy in journalism, I approved of the main guy being a "fuck your rules, I'm doing what's right!" journalist. Who is better at fighting "zombies" than police or military personnel and is married to a hot doctor. CAREER GOALS!!! Also, if you didn't know this was a sleazy Italian production, you'd likely be shocked at just how easy women's shirts fall off when they're struggling with those 'zombies". I mean, the fanservice takes a hit when they're also getting stabbed and whatnot, but whatever, I can roll with it!


As for the reviews, if EmP had done his under two different names, who knows, maybe he'd have placed twice. I really liked the writing for Utawarerumono. I wasn't exactly looking forward to reading another review for one of these games, but you converted me to at least really like your review. Starting with "how this version is different" was a good touch and then making the focus its really strong narrative also worked nicely. I could complain a bit about how you only really have one paragraph talking about the game itself, and it focuses on additions to the original version's formula, since this review doesn't hit on things like what the battle system is or anything like that, but I still enjoyed the read.

Dagoss' Dragon Warrior Monsters also could have placed many weeks. I've played every Dragon Warrior/Quest main game (except for Japanese-only X), but never touched this one, so I found this review to be a pretty informative piece that did a good job of using the natural comparison to Pokemon as a foundation to explore their similarities and differences. I especially liked how you noted the time frame of things, so that American DW fans could have been introduced to a lot of monsters and aspects from this game, due to how the games those things were derived from either weren't released here initially or weren't that popular (looks like I was one of the 80K who bought IV!).

Jason reviewed a clock game with an Animal Crossing tie-in. Or perhaps "game" is the wrong word. A clock application might be more precise. I give kudos to you for taking on this project and somehow finding a way to devote no small amount of words to describing this thing. No placement, but kudos because you took "I suffered so you don't have to" to a whole new level. Even if the main thing I was thinking was that it would have been super-funny if you had found a way to stick EmP with this assignment. One week, he'd be doing a reading-heavy virtual novel; the next, he'd be covering an interactive clock. And I'd hate reading about both because you and I both know he'd find a way to stick both of them on my weeks just to make me wonder why you people can't play normal games! AND GET OFF MY LAWN!!!

Josh, who might be making his introduction to the site, hit up a Wheel of Fortune game. FunFact: My freshman-year roommate in college was on Wheel a few years back and was a champion during his appearance. Like, winning both the competition and the final round big prize. In what might be a totally sad personal disclosure, that might be the closest thing I have to a claim to fame. Well, now that I've totally made my talk about your review depressing, let me say that you did a good job describing the flaws of what, in theory, should be a simple game show to replicate in video game form. The lack of the actual hosts is probably pretty telling, considering the issues seem to revolve around technical issues that all but scream "going through the motions". This is a short review, but it says all that I think needs to be said.


THIRD PLACE

Joe's Reknum (Switch)

Now that I typed the game's name properly in the header to this paragraph, I now shall call it Rectum from now on. Anyway, this was a really good week for reviews (because I didn't submit any, amirite?) and it was tough to both narrow it down to three and to order those three. I loved the introduction to this one about you using movies to find that it always can be worse (I remember renting The Suckling, so I know, man do I know…). You did a good job tying that intro into a similar case with one lackluster game leading in to this poor one. And you did a good job of making it sound unappealing with its lack of checkpoint and how power-ups make the experience tougher. I mean, I'm used to that in shooters, where in some of them, getting speed icons can hurt you due to them taking away from precise movements, but in a platformer? That is not ideal!

SECOND PLACE

Mariner's Immortals: Fenyx Rising (Switch)

I really wanted to bash this review due to the "myth-take" pun combined with an entire paragraph revolving around it, but this was a really good bit of writing that did a great job of explaining this game. You really make it sound appealing, at least for much of its duration, with its dense world loaded with puzzles to solve and things to do, while also pointing out that things will get repetitive eventually. Also, props on your conclusion. Let's be real, while originality is nice and all, I have no issues with derivativeness if the formula is a good one. And you did enough to convince a person this is a good formula that I'd hope no one would play the "but it's like Breath of the Wild" card like that is reason to demerit it.

REVIEW OF THE WEEK (aka: Overdrive Place)

EmP's Voyage (PC)

EmP with a double shot of reviews for games I likely would have little to no interest in playing, reading about or anything else! But, and this is key, if the writing is good enough, I can at least manufacture some degree of interest. And this review is a winner in that regard. Your "holding steadfast to the video game norm that salvation is somewhere to the extreme right" part of a sentence is an early front-runner for 2021 Site Line of the Year. But it's not just witty lines; you also do a good job simultaneously criticizing and complementing the game's version of cooperative play and explaining that for a short game, it offers its share of cool stuff to see. I dug the writing here and award it the highest honor. For this week.


And that's it for my RotWing in February. Now, it's time to see if I can sneak in a review before the month is over.


I'm not afraid to die because I am invincible
Viva la muerte, that's my goddamn principle

board icon
Author: honestgamer
Posted: February 25, 2021 (02:14 PM)
Actions: Register for a free user account to post on the forums...

Thanks for the comments, and no, I didn't expect to place during this week of very excellent reviews when I reviewed a clock application... though I do appreciate hearing that you felt I did a serviceable job. I really like seeing the site cover a wide variety of stuff, so reviewing the occasional clock game or whatever is my way of contributing to that effort. Congrats to everyone else who participated, whether you got a podium finish or not, and congratulations especially to EmP for the win!


"Too often we enjoy the comfort of opinion without the discomfort of thought." - John F. Kennedy on reality

"What if everything you see is more than what you see--the person next to you is a warrior and the space that appears empty is a secret door to another world? What if something appears that shouldn't? You either dismiss it, or you accept that there is much more to the world than you think. Perhaps it really is a doorway, and if you choose to go inside, you'll find many unexpected things." - Shigeru Miyamoto on secret doors to another world2

board icon
Author: dagoss
Posted: February 26, 2021 (06:13 AM)
Actions: Register for a free user account to post on the forums...

Would have loved to see Venter's clock review at the top spot, just for the shear absurdity of it. It wouldn't have even occurred to me that was a thing that could be reviewed!

I'm not surprised DWM didn't place. As I was writing it, I realized I was spending most of the review going over history/context and not the game. It might not even be a review! Oh well. I still feel like DWM gets an unfair shaft.

Congratulations to EmP on his excellent review.


Not sure how to make a sig? While logged into your account, you can edit it and your other public and private information from the Settings page.

board icon
Author: honestgamer
Posted: February 26, 2021 (07:47 AM)
Actions: Register for a free user account to post on the forums...

Any time you start to wonder if something can actually be reviewed, remember: people have written reviews for The Olive Garden, despite the fact that restaurant chain routinely serves unlimited (and delicious) bread sticks. Surely we can all agree that means NOTHING is above review!


"Too often we enjoy the comfort of opinion without the discomfort of thought." - John F. Kennedy on reality

"What if everything you see is more than what you see--the person next to you is a warrior and the space that appears empty is a secret door to another world? What if something appears that shouldn't? You either dismiss it, or you accept that there is much more to the world than you think. Perhaps it really is a doorway, and if you choose to go inside, you'll find many unexpected things." - Shigeru Miyamoto on secret doors to another world2

User Help | Contact | Ethics | Sponsor Guide | Links

eXTReMe Tracker
© 1998 - 2024 HonestGamers
None of the material contained within this site may be reproduced in any conceivable fashion without permission from the author(s) of said material. This site is not sponsored or endorsed by Nintendo, Sega, Sony, Microsoft, or any other such party. Opinions expressed on this site do not necessarily represent the opinion of site staff or sponsors. Staff and freelance reviews are typically written based on time spent with a retail review copy or review key for the game that is provided by its publisher.