Forums > Contributor Zone > The Beat 'Em Up Contest 2: Second Fisting

You look like a STREETS OF RAGE wimp if I ever saw one. I don't believe you never played it. And if not, you'd probably like it.

Or BAD DUDES. BAD DUDES counts five times over. Most people know of BAD DUDES.

There's also a slew of Ninja Turtles games, most of which I never played (besides the only non-beat 'em up one, their first release on the NES). Even non-beat 'em up fans rave over those.

There's the archaic VIGILANTE and KUNG FU. And DOUBLE DRAGON. And RIVER CITY RANSOM.

There's also probably some free PC ones you could be ambitious and teach me about. Half the ones here don't sound like beat 'em ups, but BROKEN KNUCKLES 1.01 and STREETKICKER sound damn promising. I'd check them out myself if I used Windows.

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Hm... Will Thnder Fox work? I've got the GEN one, but there's no game info on that one here. It's arcade version is classified as action, though. But I've played a few minutes of it, and it feels like the definition of a brawler (walking in a single straight direction while random enemies attack you from all sides).

[Eating EmP's brain] probably isn't a good idea. I mean... He's British, which means his brain's wired for PAL and your eyes are NTSC. - Will

In one of the arcade screenshots pickhut submitted, a shirtless man is punching a tank. So while Thunder Fox is not -quite- a beat 'em up through and through, I'll allow it on that basis alone.

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I think the closest I've ever come to playing a beat 'em up is Viewtiful Joe and Battletoads, neither of which I'd review for this comp because I'd feel like a cheating ass.

You exist because we allow it. And you will end because we demand it.

Mmm... Well, I just talked to Felix about that game, and he said it's actually more like Contra... and that he's actually knifing the tank in that screenshot. So I think I'll just do something else... even if you already approved it. It kind of wouldn't feel fair to review something like that. Even if oddities like Viewtiful Joe got in last time.

[Eating EmP's brain] probably isn't a good idea. I mean... He's British, which means his brain's wired for PAL and your eyes are NTSC. - Will

Thunder Fox is nothing like Contra. What it's got in common with Contra is that it rocks.

It's not a shooter like Contra, but it's barely a Final Fight-like beat-em-up either. You just walk to the right (usually) and jumpkick, stab or gun-swing your enemies, who take one shot and come at you in waves a la Kung Fu. But then again, if Kung Fu counts, why not Thunder Fox? God knows, it's manly.

And I'm pretty sure we have a game listing for it up -- I have two reviews up for it!

I don't have to prove I'm refined - that's what makes me refined!

I will enter and review Deus Ex.

EDIT: I can't find Gekido Advance. Any MAME suggestions? (I like beat-'em ups that are unique, creative, preferably with some sort of grim city setting, maybe even one set in Victorian London - that would be ideal. I also like long walks on the beach but strictly no pets.)

"fuck yeah oblivion" - Jihad

Yeah, games like Thunder Fox, Kung Fu, Splatterhouse (but not SH3. No question that one is a beat 'em up), etc. are all borderline cases, and honestly, I wouldn't classify them as true beat 'em ups. But most borderline cases are allowed just to increase participation. I'd prefer if everyone reviewed MUG SMASHERS, but not everyone is a goon like me.

Suskie - Arcade Battletoads is a beat 'em up through and through and totally bad ass. I think Sho has screens up. Check it out. Someone whose not big on the whole gritty streets and guys named Dug thing should review this.

Janus - Hmm. Not many fit that bill. There's the over-covered Final Fight, the just covered Undercover Cops, and maybe 64th Street (though that one is not creative at all. It could be confused for London at points though, which is really rare to find). But my absolute professional recommendation for you is MUTATION NATION.

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I DLed all the brawler-types listed for the GameBoy on this site. Playing Toxic Crusaders right now. Wouldn't class it as a beat 'em up.....more of a low-rent (very low-rent) side-scrolling action game, but there's so much unintentional hilarity here, I'll be reviewing it anyway, even if not for this particular contest!

I'm not afraid to die because I am invincible
Viva la muerte, that's my goddamn principle

I will enter this with dire reservations about my abilities with this genre, about which I know nothing.

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Dagoss, thank you for finally changing that stupid fucking avatar to something cool.

You exist because we allow it. And you will end because we demand it.

best Zelda, no IMO implied.

Oh no, it's a Goomba!

time to get pumped:

PickHut: if you topple me again, I'll murder you
PickHut: ah
PickHut: yes
PickHut: this will be the highlight of video gaming journalism
PickHut: NEW AGE OF WRITERS, WATCH OUT

Oh no, it's a Goomba!

Alright, here you go.

Burning Fight

http://www.honestgamers.com/systems/content.php?review_id=7403&platform=Neo%95Geo&abr=NEO&gametitle=Burning+Fight

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DING DING DING

Let's fight.

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Double Dragon II

No shirtless men punching (or stabbing) tanks here, but you do get to fight a fat guy who runs into you and the world's lamest ninja in this one!

I'm not afraid to die because I am invincible
Viva la muerte, that's my goddamn principle

Abobo IS NOT fat.

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Hm.... Just out of curiosity, when you said "finish by September 27th", does that mean we get tomorrow, too? >_>

There's a tiny, tiny, tiny, tiny possibility that I might be able to make this after all... having tomorrow will likely increase that.

[Eating EmP's brain] probably isn't a good idea. I mean... He's British, which means his brain's wired for PAL and your eyes are NTSC. - Will

EmP sits up 'till 2:30am. He gets extra points for dedication.

Nightmare Circus

For us. For them. For you.

You guys can have Saturday. I'm not judging until Sunday.

Sorry if that was unclear, but isn't it better having your reviews in early for a change!

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Much to my own surprise, I have actually written and submitted a review for this.

"fuck yeah oblivion" - Jihad

I think I have all submissions listed so far...

Judging will be conducted Sunday and winners announced Monday morning!

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wrote a quickie Final Fight praise, not sure if I want to bother turning it in. I might anyway since I have proven in the past to be a terrible judge of my own writing.

Final Fight

Oh no, it's a Goomba!

Just submitted mine. It's still the 27th over there, I think >_>

Castle Crashers

I'd link it but I'm on my phone... Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go bandage my fingers after writing that entire review on a tiny keyboard.

Your girlfriend's name ends in .jpg

Whoops, almost forgot to post the review I'm gonna use here.

Battle Circuit

I head spaceshit noises.