Forums > Contributor Zone > RotW April 28th - May 4th

I did not place any retro reviews, consider me biased!

Even though I will say I’m finally enjoying a retro game -- Final Fantasy V. This game is the shit.

Honorable mentions to Joe’s bitter confrontation with nostalgia, and I was also a fan of Roto’s review of a game about Milk trying to save Yogurt from Nuts. I can tell you had fun with that one. A heads up, though, I think you copy/pasted the entire review twice. It seems to restart itself mid-page.

Placement:

Third Place - Darkest of Days - Pickhut

You sounded really guilty for enjoying this game, which was both amusing but also somewhat misleading given the really low score. It’s a nitpick, I guess, since I’m not terribly familiar with your scale. And I still got your point which is why you’re placing highly among so many reviews this week. The analogy to a school professor’s FPS painted very clearly how low budget and corny you found the game to be. It still sounded pretty unique and full of some primitive enjoyments which you described well, and I also could relate with your disappointment with the lack of futuristic weapons in a plot where that was the biggest tease. I seriously wonder why we haven’t seen more games like this, it seems like it would be every kid’s dream.

Second Place - XCOM: Enemy Unknown - Suskie

For me, running myself into a no-win scenario in a game has always been a result of an overlooked design decision or fluke. I remember playing FFT when, like an idiot, I hadn't created enough multiple save files to account for the developer’s lack of foresight. My main character was made to fight a 1v1 battle that was not winnable, and there were no options for me to return to the world map. I was devastated.

Anyway, that’s the part of your review that really sold me on this game. The idea that you can screw up to a degree where earth is no longer capable of being saved. That’s awesome. Because it’s not a fluke or an oversight, you just failed as a commander, and I felt you described the reward of that learning curve really efficiently. Great stuff as always.

First Place - Labyrinth X - EmP

I appreciate these screenshots.

Seriously though, this was concise and completely conveyed by example, and a very fun read. Your anecdotes were legitimately funny and told me everything I needed to know about the nature of the experience. “Punching bats and kicking spiders” sold me on this piece.

Also, I have never seen someone take this kind of stance on this sort of game before. As in, you didn’t go into white knight mode and give me a lecture on how trashy, shameless and wrong it was, which after seeing the screenshots, I was completely expecting you to do. But no, you bashed the sex appeal on the merits of sex appeal. In fact, you recommended different avenues to better pornography. This review was hilariously honest and really considered the target demographic of the title. Most writers would get weird or attempt to be overly witty covering this kind of material, so I’m glad to finally see something more down to earth.


EDIT: I was unsure what timezone this site was on, so technically, there's 30 minutes till midnight. So submit any award winning reviews now!

Mobius 1, engage...

Hey, thanks for getting this RotW up so quickly. Glad you liked my review. I'm pretty easily frustrated, so for XCOM's sharp difficulty curve to actually make me more engaged is a pretty major feat. Thanks for including it here, and congrats to EmP and Pickhut, whose reviews, admittedly, I still need to read.

Also, yeah, FFV's job system is fantastic. Glad you're enjoying that one.

You exist because we allow it. And you will end because we demand it.

I love FFV's battle system and jobs, but its story is one hell of a snoozer. At least the characters are decent.

The only thing my milkshake brings to the yard is a subpoena.

Converting Suskie - who used to say awful things about X-Com because he knew how it hurt me - is my second proudest moment of the week. My first is winning a RotW by suggesting better ways to surf the net for tame cartoon porn.

Thanks for the win on a good week for reviews. Props to Mike and Pick for reviews I have read and enjoyed.

For us. For them. For you.

Yeah, Darkest of Days is one hell of a disappointing trap: I've read reviews that said they ignored other reviewers' warnings of the game being a letdown despite its concept. I wanted to play the game regardless. Consider me the latest victim.

Glad you enjoyed reading the review, and thanks for the mention, alongside Suskie. Congrats to EmP on his review for a game I obviously mistook for something else when I saw it on the front page for the first time. It's always fun seeing an Xbox Indie review from him, which has reminded me to try to give one a go again. I've been meaning to do one, but I always get worn out flipping through that huge library of zombie titles and copy cats...

I head spaceshit noises.