Forums > Submission Feedback > Alk31997's Dead Space 2 review

WTF?

Life Is A Short Circuit Of Self Realization

Spam.

I don't have to prove I'm refined - that's what makes me refined!

I want to credit you in this review for focusing in on things. Your paragraphs are much more centered around a key point and, as a result, it's much easier to follow what you're saying. I came through to the end of the review fully aware of what you liked about Dead Space 2. The stuff about nightmares is great!

Now for some things that aren't working as well. I think you should drop some of your poetic metaphor. From what you've said in the past, I understand that poetry is perhaps your main creative outlet and your preferred style. It has limited use in a review, though (and honestly, metaphor even gets old if overused in poetry, but that's another discussion). Using so much metaphor one after the other takes away from the power of those metaphors. A couple really good metaphors dropped in at key points in the review would drive home your points. Placing them all over obscures, rather than illuminated, your point.

I'd also like you to start talking about how a game plays in your reviews. You never talk about controls and how responsive a game is to a player or how difficult it is to achieve objectives, or whether those objectives are entertaining.

For instance, I really like Dead Space 2 but I got a little tired of being tasked with clearing a room of enemies. I think the game could have had much more exciting and frightening objectives than that.

The other thing I'd like to start seeing is more descriptions of a game's environments. You're very good with metaphor, here's where it would be appropriate to put it to use!

Happy to see you improving.

Note to gamers: when someone shoots you in the face, they aren't "gay." They are "psychopathic."

Ok, i will cut down on Metaphors. Its just love to use them, maybe game reviewing has no home for them. Ah well.

I'm glad you liked some aspects of the review, that gives me some hope.

Thanks.

Life Is A Short Circuit Of Self Realization

Really, any writing form can only take so much metaphor. You mention that you work as a poetry author. I also work in poetry, as a poetry editor. I also work in poetry acquisitions for a publishing firm. In other words, I help decide what poetry gets published at that firm. And we turn away poetry that is over-flowered with metaphor (to use a metaphor).

Metaphor only works if used sparingly, no matter the context or writing style. One of my favorite poems of all time uses no metaphor, in fact, and it paints a brilliant visual and nostalgic image:

THE LAST TIME MY FATHER BEAT ME

The last time my father beat me,
he was eighty-eight. He’d hit it
straight, one hundred twenty yards
to the green of his short course.
I’d spray one left or blow one well beyond.
His one sure putt, accomplished
without squatting to align. Once
it was a chase into my bedroom where
he’d swing his leather belt. Now he
smiled, squinting into the sunset.
Stiff as he was, I’d never been so
glad to see him swing that arm.

A poem by David Axelrod.

Note to gamers: when someone shoots you in the face, they aren't "gay." They are "psychopathic."