Forums > Contributor Zone > RotW 5/25/08 - 5/31/08 -- War on

The last time I did one of these, I had an interesting dilemma: Only four reviews by a grand total of three writers that week meant everyone was guaranteed a spot on the list. This is outrageous, of course, and I demanded a longer list of potential RotW winners for the next time I did one. Well, some guy named Whelkman apparently took my words to heart, submitting a grand total of 27 reviews over the last week. Yar. And he covered mind-blowing classics like Minesweeper and Solitaire to boot! You guys really did put me to work this week, though, and the quality was high enough on average that even those regulars who didn't get mentioned (you know who you are) deserve a shout-out.

Only one review per human is allowed, as always, and staff reviews are ineligible. That guy who goes by Usurper is also ineligible, because Felix submitted a slightly better review, and they're both the same person. With that out of the way, let's do this thing.


Review of the Week: Yume Penguin Monogatari (NES) by Felix_Arabia

This is a great example of how the subject of a review (i.e. the game itself) can be a major factor in just how compelling that review is. Yume Penguin Monogatari is a genuinely kooky game, with goofy characters and weird settings and odd gameplay mechanics. This kind of thing by its very nature is interesting to read about, and Felix embraces the opportunity. Had you taken on any other NES game, I'd be annoyed that you spend so much time detailing the story, but it's definitely an important element of this game, and your transition from plot to gameplay (since the two go hand-in-hand) is silky-smooth. I love reading about quirky, obscure games like this, and now, even after hearing your warnings that the game is too short and easy, I still want to check it out, and I share your frustration in Nintendo for not localizing it. As much as I want to give someone else a shot at winning RotW for once, you definitely earned your victory this round. You over-achiever, you.

First Runner Up: Miracle Girls (SNES) by BELISARIOS

I was definitely skeptical of this review at first when I saw your "this game is too girly" thesis. Then I kept reading and thought to myself: Yeah, I would definitely have to chop my balls off if I ever played this. What's great, though, is that you aren't judgmental. You don't let the game's appearance and history get to you, and you admit that the game isn't bad, even if it's not particularly good, either. Not being able to destroy enemies (only stun them) sounds aggravating indeed, and the fact that you're throwing CANDY at them sells your point: That this isn't a very enjoyable game anyway, and that its feminine exterior only exacerbates the pain. It would have been too easy to write a straight-up bash, so I'm glad you took the mature route. I have no desire to play this game, but at least I'm not laughing at it.

Second Runner-Up: The King of Dragons (Arcade) by Synonymous

Hey guys: Here's another reviewer who has only just recently emerged on the HG scene and is one to look out for. This review's intro paragraph mentions Golden Axe and The King of Dragons, both hack-and-slash arcade games I admittedly have no interest in. The thesis is that The King of Dragons attempts to be much like Golden Axe, and holds a number of similarities, but doesn't quite hold up to the game that inspired it. Fine, that's a start -- but many reviewers would collapse right then and there, leaning on Golden Axe like a crutch, with the remainder of the review reading like a list of comparisons. What's great is that not only does your thesis work, but you still manage to illustrate what goes right and wrong with this game to a guy like me, who has never played Golden Axe and probably never will. I especially liked the "end, damn you" bit near the end; that got a laugh out of me. Good work.


Now imagine there's some rad concluding paragraph here that totally inspires you to greater heights, especially if you're one of the reviewers (like Disco or Wolfqueen or Pickhut) who didn't quite make it into this week's list of winners. That's it, you're inspired... Now go do great things.

You exist because we allow it. And you will end because we demand it.

Thanks for the win.

Congrats to the others mentioned.

I don't have to boost my review resume because I have a real resume.

I submitted this last week? Some memory I have. Thank you very much, and congratulations to the other winners.

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I'd actually never heard of Whelkman before, but it was pretty obvious he was importing these reviews from somewhere else -- they were pretty varying in quality. I challenge anyone to write a compelling review for Solitaire, but yeah, I agree that some of his NES reviews were far more interesting to read.

You exist because we allow it. And you will end because we demand it.

Whelkman used to rock. Glad to see his work here at HG.

Ha, I like this "in light of our recent scuffle". Baha. I think, really, I just like the word "scuffle".

I don't have to prove I'm refined - that's what makes me refined!

Oh wow. I read that sentence quickly and thought he said "shuffle." I must agree I like the word scuffle a great deal better.

You exist because we allow it. And you will end because we demand it.

He jsut imports his reviews? I at least try and rewrite mine, or at least tweak it to current standards, before they see this site. That's why I have almsot 80 on GFAQ's and about 15 here still. It's not that I'm lazy.

Nonetheless, full credit for his NES contributions.

There three types of people in this world: those who can count, and those who can't.

Welky quit reviewing a long time back. He basically just gave permission for his backlog to be ported here.

For us. For them. For you.

Even though his best work was already posted here (Dragon Warrior, Guardian Legend, etc) it's great to see the rest of it here. Not to mention he's probably the greatest poster in the history of all the reviewing forums.

And we can't forget the choking on an acorn emoticon.
:-@

IF YOU WANT MORE BEATS FOR YOUR BUCK THERE'S NO LUCK.

No thanks. I have plenty of hair on my ass.

_

Yet another week that I failed the make an impression.

One of these days I'm going to post a review so impressive and so thought-provoking that it will not only win all three spots on RotW for an entire month, it will causes billions of people to visit this site, burning the HG server to the ground, it will blot out the sun, and it will raise Harry Truman from the grave to yell at everyone in a grandfatherly I-hit-you-because-I-love-you voice.

Such is the power of my hypothetical review. BEWARE!

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Haha. I look forward to it.

As an aside, I wish these stupid spammers would stop posting in super old topics... especially RotW ones. Makes me keep thinking the several-days late one for last week is up and it's not. Though, there were only 3 reviews that week, and who knows how busy whichever staff's doing it is (I forget who's up).

[Eating EmP's brain] probably isn't a good idea. I mean... He's British, which means his brain's wired for PAL and your eyes are NTSC. - Will

Congrats to the two runner-ups and the RotW winner!

I head spaceshit noises.

Thanks for the win.

I don't have to boost my review resume because I have a real resume.

Now you're all doing it to torture me.

Someone lock this topic or something... Seriously... Stupid spammers. Nothing wrong with keeping it around, but there's no longer a need to post in it, I don't think.

[Eating EmP's brain] probably isn't a good idea. I mean... He's British, which means his brain's wired for PAL and your eyes are NTSC. - Will

Thanks for the win.

I don't have to boost my review resume because I have a real resume.

XD Oh, fine then.

I will congratulate the winners for that week, since I somehow discourteously forgot to do so then, anyhow. Though I know I at least told you how I felt about your review.

[Eating EmP's brain] probably isn't a good idea. I mean... He's British, which means his brain's wired for PAL and your eyes are NTSC. - Will