Forums > Submission Feedback > Melaisis's Overclocked (Import) review

Good improvements!

Watch out for overuse of words like "such" and other similar prosy excesses. For example:

"This may make for a refreshing change for veterans of the genre, but it still manages to bring such new features forward in such an awkward manner that you may find yourself wishing for a return to unoriginality."

Sort of a clouded point: one too many "such"'s and one too many "may"'s (it's generally good to avoid imprecise language like "may", "might", "pretty" etc. in reviews -- any game could be reviewed with the line "some may like it and some may not").

Somewhat more to the point, I think:

"Though genre veterans may find it a refreshing change, the awkward manner such new features are brought forth might have you wishing for a return to the old standard."

Of course, any sentence on its own could be improved; paragraph flow/transitions between sentences are important as well. So looking at it in context, I'd change "brought forth" in my shortened version to "introduced" to avoid the redundancy (because "forefront" is used in the prior sentence).

Which doesn't mean you have to! There's plenty of ways to make the same point, but some will be more direct or impressionable than others.

Not sure how to make a sig? While logged into your account, you can edit it and your other public and private information from the Settings page.

Thanks drella. As I said last review, I just really needed to adapt to the audience here at HG, which I feel I did relatively well and will continue to do so with your feedback. I'll take the lack of other comments too as a good sign. :P

Not sure how to make a sig? While logged into your account, you can edit it and your other public and private information from the Settings page.