Forums > Submission Feedback > EmP's Broken Sword: Shadow of the Templars - The Director's Cut review

Gary, as always this is excellent writing. But, of course, I have a little more to say than that:

1. One thing that could have helped for me, at least, would be if you told me from the get-go what this game was a port of. I can tell that you know and that you have some attachment to the series, but I was a little lost as to what this game was imitating so imperfectly. (Yes, I know at the end you say 'play the PC version, the way the game was meant to be played,' but perhaps earlier...?)

2. Your paragraph about the puzzle involving getting the dude to leave his post was the highlight of the review. Smooth, descriptive, colourful... TRADEMARK EMP writing.

3. The drawback to being known for colourful writing full of adjective and adverb-heavy clauses, is occasionally you'll overload one:

When trying to impress the locals of a quaint Irish pub with his law-trained intellect, he finds himself ruthlessly and unapologetically cerebrally assassinated...

"Ruthlessly and unapologetically cerebrally" is a bit thick, no?

4. Finally: this thing is extremely polished! Did you pay Wolfqueen extra this time out for her sexual proofreading services?

C'est tout. ^_^

I don't have to prove I'm refined - that's what makes me refined!

Thanks, Marc. I shall respond to your numbered bullets points in kind, as a mark of respect!

1/ I think the main reason I didn't feel the need to mention what it's ported from right away is two-fold. Firstly, I was under the impression that everyone knew what Broken Sword was, though I forget the good folk in Canada are often snowed in for years on end and such things pass them by. Kidding aside, the main reason was that it didn't seem to matter; the point at hand was that, instead of it being a direct port bringing the exact same thing over to a new platform, seemingly significant changes had been made.

2/ I modestly accept your kind praise. I was unaware good writing had become my trademark, but I'm delighted to hear it!

3/ You're quite correct on that phrase. I'm trying to think of a way to dial it down now. I think I might have eaten a thesaurus for lunch that day.

4/ Every now and then, I actually manage to proof worth a damn, leaving WQ little to do but find something else to nag about. Bless her, she always finds something, too. It's her gift!

For us. For them. For you.

Yeah, maybe we Canadians don't know our Broken Swords from our hockey sticks.

I don't have to prove I'm refined - that's what makes me refined!

Gar, far be it from me to suggest how someone should write, but even ordering your same words differently makes it read less thickly:

When trying to impress the locals of a quaint Irish pub with his law-trained intellect, he finds himself cerebrally assassinated, ruthlessly and unapologetically...

What say you?

I don't have to prove I'm refined - that's what makes me refined!

Good suggestion. I claim it as my own.

For us. For them. For you.

You would.

I don't have to prove I'm refined - that's what makes me refined!

I always enjoyed - and from your writing so did you - the fact that George as a protagonist has the joke on him at least as often and probably moreso than anybody else. For all his Chandler Bing-esque sardonic wit, he is at almost every turn outdone by everybody he gets into conversation with. He's no Gabriel Knight by a long shot and yet I can't help but love the guy.

"Deep in the earth I faced a fight that I could never win. The blameless and the base destroyed, and all that might have been. -- GK"

George usually getting out-witted was just one of the many things that made the BS series the best written dialogue in a videogame.

For us. For them. For you.