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MagnaCarta 2 (Xbox 360) review

"Disclaimer: For the purpose of this review, I will refer to Magna Carta 2 as a JRPG. I am aware that it is Korean, but if the shoe fits, this game fucking wears it like a champ. "

Disclaimer: For the purpose of this review, I will refer to Magna Carta 2 as a JRPG. I am aware that it is Korean, but if the shoe fits, this game fucking wears it like a champ.

Ever since I reviewed Lost Odyssey, I got to thinking. Why was I receiving so much hate for giving a game that didn't deserve good marks a good review? Then it hit me. It is because everyone, from the youngest child, to the oldest unwashed man-child has bought into Japan's way of doing things. Everywhere I look, it is the "in" thing to like Japanese shows. People go on and about animes that are "changing the way we watch television." Worst of all, they are infecting every facet of games I like.

Case in point, Magna Carta 2, a KJRPG that wants to be Japanese so bad, that it might as well change its name to "Cliché-dono."

Building from the anger that Lost Journey left in my mind so long ago, I approached this game with a bit of caution. I was really glad to not see a Chipotle Mayo Meteor in the first minutes, so naturally relief fell upon me like a wave of lava from a meteorGODDAMMITIFUCKINGHATETHATGAME!!

So here is the setup. Take a drink anytime a cliché occurs (annotated with a (!)).

You start of on a remote island (!) in the middle of the ocean. Your character is a black AND white haired (!) young man girl (!) who has lost his or her memory (!) in a fight (!) or something. Your sister is a hot chick (!) voiced by Wendee Lee (I hate to say it but (!)) and you are out being the peaceful islander you are. Then a Princess shows up at your island (!) to unearth some mystical artifact beast (!) to help her and her army in a civil war with her Uncle (sort of) (!). THAT IS TEN DRINKS IN THREE SENTENCES!! I know good writing is hard to come by overseas but come on, it isn't that hard. I swear this game falls into every cliché in the Japanese book.

It doesn't end there either. How about a good guy, who three seconds later, turns out to be a bad guy? SURE!! Main protagonist hair not stupid enough? He get a full head of white locks half way through the game!! Giant Beast Man helper? ALWAYS!! Chick who wants GBM dick? OF COURSE!! All of the characters dumb as paint? ABSOLUTLEY!! These are just the character complaints too. I won’t go into how terrible clichéd the story is written.

I can only come to one conclusion when it comes to these things. Japan has not got a Quality Control department.

Anyway back to the task at hand. The game does actually start off sort of interesting, but after a mere 10 minutes in, the writing staff got fired, and they just copy and pasted Final Fantasy's script in there with a few minor changes.

I would also like to point out that the games animation department got fired too, as the games cut scenes all take place in front of a blurred background, with two characters superimposed on it, talking and doing the same motion when ever they talk.

Amazing isn't it? I figured when I first saw it, this was just a minor thing every now and then. Boy was I wrong. They imply the hell out of action in these things. For instance there will be a character going "What was that noise?" when no noise actually occurs, and nothing will come of it until the characters are done talking (five minutes later). Other times character will talk in circles about shit that doesn’t even matter in any context to the plot.

While I am on the subject of writing, when in a game did it become a mortal sin to just outright tell you things from time to time?

Let me give you an example.

Take a drink whenever a cliché occurs (again marked with a (!)).

You are the main character of this story. 2 hours in, you realize that you are totally all up on the princess's knockers. She gets into trouble (!) at the hands of a monster (!) with tentacles (!). The princess then says to stay back because it is too dangerous (!), even though you just spent the last two hours fighting at the frontline of your party with her (!). You then reply to her that you want to help her, but again she says it is too dangerous (!). You then freak out (!); gain magical powers boosts (!), and destroys the monster. You are now the hero, until two seconds later, the bitch says to you that she could handle it on her own(!) and she is now frightened of you(!), Even though she will want your dick two hours from now(!), and you wont know how to handle the adult situation by simply saying, "Hey, wanna go make out?(!)"

Why does Japan assume that we are stupid? Not just American audiences, but their own too. You know how excruciating it is to sit through a Japanese "Love" story. It's like watching Twilight.

Talking about graphics, I would say that this was a decent looking game. Nothing special. Until I read the back which touts "Stunning, photorealistic graphics." BULL SHIT!! This game is flat out lying to you there. So now graphics get marked down to "Shitty, and Liars to boot." Everything in this game is shot through a shitty blur filter too. Until you come up to a certain distance (namely 20 feet out), you can’t see anything but small blobs of whatever the hell is supposed to be in front of you. Objects on the horizon appear out of nowhere. Grass is a 2D render, so the game cheats by having it always look at you. The characters were modeled after some guy who draws everything hyper sexualized, so the character look creepy as all get out.

You would hope that game play would be a bit able to make up for the short coming EVERYWHERE else, but nope. Even the game play is as shitty and phoned in as everything else. It centers on action style RPG game play. Not content with just letting you walk around mashing "A" as much as possible; they institute a stamina meter that fills with every swing of the sword. Also for no apparent reason, you can’t run as fast with a sword drawn. I guess there were playing Counter Strike and hated the whole knife run speed thing so much, that they decided to do the exact opposite. This wouldn't bug me so much, if that when you used up all your stamina, that regardless of whether your sword is drawn or not, it recovers the same speed.

After all is said and done, this game is still going to be enjoyed by idiots who cant tell pacing from a hole in the ground, so I guess my breath is wasted regardless. But for those who look at things with a discerning eye, don't buy this game, as it is an exercise in frustration that will leave wanting to play better games.

David M. Hubbard
RecentElectronics
Hyper Sexualized

Community review by RecentElectronics (November 24, 2009)

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	fleinn posted November 25, 2009: Stand by for critical opinion of the review. After I stop chuckling. Uh..hum. Yeah. This tells me just about all I need to know about the game, except how much of the brilliant art is translated into the game. It doesn't seem to be anything at all, but I don't know if that's the case or not.
	zigfried posted November 25, 2009: I'm curious to know what exactly he looks for in a Japanese RPG. "It is because everyone, from the youngest child, to the oldest unwashed man-child has bought into Japan's way of doing things. Everywhere I look, it is the "in" thing to like Japanese shows. People go on and about animes that are "changing the way we watch television." Worst of all, they are infecting every facet of games I like. "Case in point, Magna Carta 2........" He just lumped Magna Carta 2 in with "games he likes" (presumably meaning, "types of games he likes") right after describing his disdain for the Japanese philosophy of design. I am confused. //Zig
	honestgamer posted November 25, 2009: I don't think that you're genuinely confused. You're just enjoying the fact that he has problems communicating properly because of the grammatical mistakes.
	zigfried posted November 25, 2009: True, but I am puzzled why he keeps playing JRPGs if he hates Japan. I've never understood masochistic mentalities. //Zig
	jerec posted November 26, 2009: I'd be embarrassed to purchase that game at the shop with a cover like that. I'd have to order it online. But I won't.
	zippdementia posted December 24, 2009: Once again Recent Electronics proves he's a hack by writing a piece that has genuinely good ideas (I like the drinking game and some of the angles) but that he doesn't know how to handle correctly, like a small child trying to operate a steam roller. It sounds like RE is having a lot of fun with his writing, but he's crushing all his reader(s) in the process. RE is right. The JRPG industry is in need of a major overhaul. I wish he wouldn't sign his reviews "hyper sexualized" and fill them with ALL CAPS statements because then someone might take his very factual critique seriously. I thought there was potential here. With some guidance and a little practice as well as a loss of his ridiculous ego I think RE could be a great writer. But he never comes here to comment on his threads or give any indication that he's doing anything other than copy and pasting reviews from his own website in an attempt to garner more reader(s). RE, if you're out there and reading this and my opinion is faulty, then please come forward and inform me. I will gladly lose my snarkiness and give you some clear critiques on how to improve your writing. If you are a just a hack, though, then go back to reading Sean Baby. There's nothing more pointless than trying to help someone who doesn't want to be helped.
	zigfried posted December 24, 2009: The problem is that while this review does bring up a lot of cliches, many of those cliches haven't been seen in a (good) JRPG in years. Where are the other amnesiac heroes on PS3 or 360? Where are the other rebellious princesses on PS3 or 360? Are these things even bad in the first place? Although these are cliches when you look at the entire history of the JRPG, the inclusion of such things in a modern game is an anomaly. But JRPGs have only recently lost public favor. So what is the real problem with the JRPG today? Is there even a problem at all? That is the interesting discussion to be had. //Zig
	joseph_valencia posted December 24, 2009: I stopped reading after the paragraph with the (!) markers. Now, making the entire review a drinking game would have been a stroke of genius.
	hmd posted December 24, 2009: hey bro what happened to your website? i have holiday-induced depression and need a good reason to finish myself off. and a better drinking game would be to take a drink every time the written word is horribly butchered. assuming one wouldn't just give up at the beginning and just skim through the whole thing.

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