Last Battle (Genesis) review
"Aarzak is the confident sort of lone wolf hero, but not from bullheaded arrogance. Rather, he knows that he will win. How could he possibly know this? Because, before the game begins, Sega scrolls the entire plot — beginning, middle, and end! — across the screen. Because of Sega's omniscient benevolence, our mighty hero will never be caught unawares in his battle against the Tyrannical Triumvirate of G!"
It's a quiet night in the city. After the late show of Titanic, you and your young lover stroll down the darkened alleyway, blissfully ignorant of the city's recent rash of body-bursting murders. As you turn the corner, a burly man wearing a fearsome gimp mask steps forth, battle-axe brandished in his left hand.
"Give me all your money!" The Warlord-wannabe waves his axe slightly, clearly a wee bit nervous, but still very, very dangerous.
What do you do?
Would you hand over your money? Would you plead with him to spare your loved one from harm? Or would you try to grab the vagabond's axe and get yourself chopped square in the gut as a reward?
Those are certainly ways to "handle" such a harrowing situation. But those ways are for WEENIES, hardly the form of a manly hero! Mr. Robber walks up and pulls a battle-axe on you? Don't take the sissies' way out, handle it the brawny man's way! Grab your shirt with both hands and tear it apart, Hulk Hogan style, baring your mighty chest! Release a mighty "RRrraAAAAAaAAHHHHHhhh" -- the villain won't know how to cope!
As Aarzak, the megadeus marauder in Last Battle, would say -- and in fact does say --
Staff review by Zigfried (March 17, 2005)
Zigfried likes writing about whales and angry seamen, and often does so at the local pub.
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