Title: The Amazing Adventures of Honest Men!- Part 2
Posted: August 19, 2009 (03:02 PM)
“Holy Satchel Bomb, Sashanan! Are we really going to blow up this entire cliff?”
“We’ll have to finish climbing it, first, Amiga-boy. But yes, EmP’s fortress may not be allowed to be a blight on this cliff face any longer!”
It wasn’t a particularly pretty cliff, as cliffs go. After all, it was evil. That’s why EmP had choosen it. In fact, it was a disguisting cliff face and difficult to climb. Especially with all the slimy brown stains that caused the hands to slip. Sashanan thought it best not to wonder what these stains were.
He was a man of details, not action. But he didn't like to work TOO hard on deciphering those details. It was not a good idea, he'd learned. Often you discovered something you didn't want to. Sashanan was also a man of habit and rules. For instance, though he responded to it, Sashanan didn’t look towards the voice speaking to him. It was coming from beneath him, and that meant he would have to look down, which was something he had learned to avoid in his career. Looking down, he found, had little benefit unless you were trying to find something you dropped.
Sashanan never dropped anything. He was not THAT kind of man.
Of course, being the world’s greatest detective, he was often called upon to find things other people dropped, but that was what he had Aschultz, also known as Amiga-boy, for. Sashanan hadn’t spent three million dollars turning his high-tech suit fashionable just so he could dirty it crawling around on the ground. It was not an easy job, or a cheap one, to transform the clothing equivalent of a swiss army knife into something that school children wouldn’t laugh at. It was still a little tight about the shoulders, making it uncomfortable to be in unless Sashanan had his hands on his hips and his elbows thrust out in a dramatic position. So he did that a lot. He wanted to do it now, in fact, partially because his shoulders were aching and partially because you never knew when a paparazzi might be lurking around and he didn’t want to be seen in his currently embarrassing predicament. But he was afraid if he moved, his cape might come loose and he would plummet to his doom. It would be a long plummet, one in which he would have ample time to reflect on his career and that wasn’t too bad a prospect. After all, it had been a particularly amazing career. Still, he wasn’t quite ready for it to be over yet.
“I’m almost there, Sashanan!” Aschultz called from beneath him. “About twenty more feet and I should be able to get that rope reattached!”
“Very good, Amiga-boy. Continue on.”
Sashanan looked straight ahead while he said this. If looking down in general was a bad idea, it was an especially bad idea when one was climbing up the side of a six thousand metre high cliff.
“These things happen!” Aschultz continued. “I wouldn’t worry yourself about it!”
“Of course not. That’s why I wear the cape.”
Actually, he wore the cape because he couldn’t find anywhere else to clip his I-Pod to, but it had other handy uses. For instance, though it certainly had not been designed as a last minute save during a freak climbing accident, it had in this case snagged on an outcrop when his rope broke and thus saved him from a ambiguous death in his first scene.
Psycho Penguin wasn’t so lucky. He’ll be dead before I’ve finished this sentence. But that’s another story.
Aschultz’s gloved hand came into Sashanan’s view. This was followed by a flash of the boy’s quick smile and red-and-white checkered suit as he quickly scrambled to the outcrop above Sashanan and began working at securing him and getting the cape free.
“It looks like there’s a full ledge up here and... Holy back entrances, Sashanan! There’s a huge gaping hole in the cliff here! It looks like an entrance into EmP’s fortress!”
“Don’t even consider it, Aschultz. Once you start on one path, you finish it, I say! Once you start deviating from your chosen course, you begin to unravel the very fabric of your conviction! To stray is to fray!”
“Of course, you are always right, Sashanan. But it seems such a waste to complete this grueling climb when such an easy exit has presented itself!”
“Do you not understand the way, my trusty cohort?”
“Enlighten me, Sashanan! I beg you!”
“The longest road may get you there last, but it will get you there in one piece! Never look to the easy road, for it is the path of weakness! With shortcuts come dangers!”
“My logic has stunned you, has it not?”
“No! I mean, yes, but that’s not why I... ah!”
“What is occurring on that ledge, Amiga-boy?”
“Something is coming out of the tunnel! It’s... brown and... it looks like... Holy Hell, Sashanan, it’s headed right for us! Look out below!”
The next couple of minutes were exceedingly disgusting.
Stay tuned next week for the incredible journey of Lewis and Janus through the bowels of EmP's castle and a dastardly discovery!
Posted: August 19, 2009 (08:54 PM)
Posted: August 19, 2009 (09:56 PM)
I offer no explanations except "blame Sashanan."
Posted: August 19, 2009 (10:00 PM)
Posted: August 21, 2009 (01:51 AM)
Lol! Proving once more that no matter how right I am, all I get in return is a lot of crap.