As part of my "kill myself at Graduate School" campaign I've been cleaning out old boxes and what not from my attic. Finding a box of EGM, PSM, and Gamepro was not hard to throw onto my Dad's burn pile but then...
... well, then I came across a box of old Nintendo Power. I'm talking OLD. Like, Nester and Howard comics are still being run in these fuckers.
And you know? Every time I think of tossing them a knot forms in my chest. I don't know what it is. They aren't in great condition and the chances of me reading them again are slim. Even if I somehow did get the desire, there's a great site out with all that stuff:
Retromag Online
Still, I don't know. It's not a significant amount of space (well, about three large boxes, actually), but it's still stuff, you know? It's still carrying around my past with me. And yet there is something undeniably satisfying about picking up a magazine with a walk through of Maniac Mansion or a preview of Chrono Trigger or an interview with the creator of Earthbound or an ad that says "Donkey Kong Country: the biggest game to ever SWING ONTO your console!"
Satisfying isn't really the right word, actually. It's more a deep pain in my chest, like I'm looking at the ashes of my dead lover or something. It's nostalgia, and nostalgia is one of the strongest emotions I experience. Memories are very powerful for me, sometimes more powerful than what's occurring in the present. For me, the present doesn't usually become powerful until it's the past. Opening up these boxes is like opening up a hole somewhere deep in my chest and not quite knowing what to fill it with.
I'll probably get rid of them. I'd say hold on to them for my kids someday, but... what kids?
EDIT: Just came across some old photos bundled with love letters. That puts it all in perspective.
Hah, nowadays we have the internet as our closet. One day I'll be looking back at these reviews and posts and smiling sadly, wondering what happened to the me that was writing this.
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jiggs - September 20, 2009 (11:56 PM) didn't know about retromags. cool, thanks for the link. i wanna see those old GameFan magazines again. |
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