“Visit beautiful Greenvale!”

SEGA built this game in a cave...with a box of scraps...

To the word. Seriously, that's crazy (kinda, but makes sense if you've played the game). Anyways.

Oh, boy. Jake Hunter wants so bad to be a cool film noir private eye. He's got the crappy one-man agency, the staff of exactly one perky secretary always bringing coffee, the no-nonsense attitude, the penchant for smoking (Marlboros. He’s very clear on that. Did Marlboro fund this game? “I had to think about the case, so I lit up a smooth, relaxing, non-filtered Marlboro. Mm, yeah, sweet.”). All he needs is a trenchcoat/fedora combo and a Max Payne-level of similes and he’d be good to go.

You're a sheepdog! Har!

Saturday

I’ve always wondered the historical accuracy of the many assassination attempts on Adolf Hitler’s life and his uncanny ability to dodge them. I mean, honestly, how could he survive so many virtually unscathed? How could he survive a point-blank rocket to the face from a werewolf?

Being a cop has to be the most boring job on Earth. As an avid videogame player, I have to come to this conclusion, as I can think of no game that portrays this career with even the remotest sense of accuracy. I mean, c’mon. Firefighters got Roscoe McQueen. Even postmen got Cliffie, the Beer-Drinking Postman. But every cop game either has you be a Ninja Cop, cop who has a super-tricked out spor...

Star Wars Episode 3: Revenge of the Sith is a simple, humble story about a whiny little pissant’s journey into becoming one of the most iconic villains in movie history. Its video game counterpart is a simple, humble story about a whiny little pissant walking to the right constantly and killing everything he sees.

I know what you’re thinking. Pac-Man? Survival Horror? Yes, a genre made famous by such classics as Alone in the Dark, Clock Tower, and Resident Evil actually got its start as one of the first video games ever created.

Whoo! Rock and roll and eat lots of pizza, baby!

As a longtime fan of the Metal Gear series, I met Metal Gear Ac!d for the PSP with a mixture of joy and reservations. On one hand, I was getting a full-length, portable Metal Gear experience with all of the crazy plot twists and characters that I’d come to know and love—so I thought. On the other hand, I walked in knowing that not only was the story not part of the series canon, but that instead of the Tactical Stealth Espionage Action that I’d come to love, the game would be played through a ca...

When I was a boy, I had decided that when I grew up, I wanted to be a ninja. An unorthodox career choice, no doubt, and I came to learn that the Midwest American workforce had little need for a professional ninja. In fact, a ninja nowadays is likely to have considerable difficulty finding a market for their particular set of skills. Tragic, but truth.