Herbie: Fully Loaded (Game Boy Advance) review on HonestGamers

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Review by R. W.
June 29, 2005

In less than half an hour I breezed through the eight generic racetracks of Herbie: Fully Loaded. I'm not sure what else to say about it.

I remember when Disney movies spawned creative, worthwhile titles. Who could forget the magic and style of Aladdin, the charm of Castle of Illusion, the whimsical nature of Duck Tales? These were games you wanted to spend your money on because they were among the best and most innovative of their time. Nowadays Disney adaptations are relegated to the lackluster GameBoy Advance, where they aspire to make a few cheap dollars from the parents of kids who loved the film, rather than recreate the atmosphere that brought in the box office draw. It's been a depressing, and dramatic, downfall -- Disney titles are now scoffed at the same way THQ's licensed games were in the early nineties.

I can't blame Herbie for following the trend, but even I was surprised by the poor, slip-shod nature of this title. Has portable gaming regressed this much? To charge thirty dollars for a game with a story mode that doesn't even last thirty minutes... I'm not angry as much as I am in disbelief of it all.

Story mode consists of eight races, with three laps around each of the tracks. "Story" is a misnomer though, as Fully Loaded doesn't even attempt to tell any sort of plot. We'll face no adversity (I won all eight races on my first try), meet not a single rival and develop no friendships. The whole "story" consists of a frame taken from the movie (usually of Lindsay Lohan) with a stale, forgettable quote underneath occurring before and after each race. They link together in no form of procession.

"C'mon Herbie, let's keep them in the rearview mirror."

"We might not have the pole position, but let's go for the checkered flag."

"Let's burn rubber Herbie!"

This is what passes as a story.

For the uninitiated, "Herbie" is the name of your rundown #53 Volkswagen Beetle. In the film the car has a mind of its own, and the whole movie is based around this premise, with it being more or less a The Little Engine That Could type affair. Unfortunately, any charisma the vehicle added to the motion picture has been lost in translation -- Herbie is exactly the same as every other inanimate hunk of metal here. He can gas, brake and awkwardly utilize power-ups with the trigger buttons in this kart-style racer, but does absolutely nothing to distinguish himself from innumerable titles before (Penny Racers springs to mind as very similar).

Since your punch-buggy travels at speeds upwards of TWO HUNDRED TWENTY-FIVE MILES PER HOUR (the races were so dull I had plenty of time to speedometer watch), the only challenge in outracing your four Matchbox car adversaries comes from avoiding the power-ups scattered about the racetrack. Yes, avoiding, or at least as far as the yellow stars go. The red, blue and green ones are fine (allowing you to shoot a spare tire at your rivals, pop a wheelie and leap into the air respectively), and you can utilize these skills whenever you want throughout the race. Come in contact with a yellow star though and Herbie immediately does a 180 -- you have no say in this matter -- and suddenly you're driving backwards at an insane speed. And, of course, the majority of these trinkets are located just before sharp hairpin turns, so rather than aiding your cause they send you spiraling off course and into the wall, giving the dimwitted drones plenty of time to catch up.

This preposterous power-up is the sole differentiating aspect of Herbie: Fully Loaded. It's the only thing I'll ever remember; the dull backdrops, hackneyed courses and generic score have already turned into a blur, and I was playing this title just minutes ago.

I can't think of a single reason anyone would want this lifeless, inspiration-less title. Well, actually I can think of two, but know this pervs: Lindsay Lohan's breasts were digitally reduced two cup-sizes and necklines were raised during the editing of this film. She looks about fourteen here, and none of the clouded stills presented even hint at the slightest bit of skin. In fact, gawkers will find Lohan as stimulating here as children will find the racing in this hollow shell of a cartridge.

How fitting.

Rating
2	Horrible You really don't want to play this. The gameplay is downright horrific, making the game not worth even a rental.
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Herbie: Fully Loaded (GBA) game cover art

Staff Score (Avg): N/A User Score (Avg): 3.0 Press Score (Avg): N/A
Reviews: 1 Guides: 0 Cheats: 0 Ratings: 0	High Scores: 0 Screenshots: 3 Videos: 0

Title: Herbie: Fully Loaded
Genre: Racing
Publisher: Buena Vista Games
Developer: Buena Vista Games
Release Date: June 21, 2005
ESRB: E

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