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Review Archives (Staff Reviews)

You are currently looking through staff reviews for games that are available on every platform the site currently covers. Below, you will find reviews written by all eligible authors and sorted according to date of submission, with the newest content displaying first. As many as 20 results will display per page. If you would like to try a search with different parameters, specify them below and submit a new search.

Available Reviews
Vampire Rain: Altered Species (PlayStation 3)

Vampire Rain: Altered Species review (PS3)

Reviewed on September 25, 2008

Vampire Rain is supposed to be something of a horror game. But all that it delivers is the horrifying sensation that you need to run. Not because of the imminent danger – vampires attack frequently, are hard to kill up close, and can slaughter you in less than three seconds – but because of how tired this game will make you feel.
louis_bedigian's avatar
Toxic Crusaders (Game Boy)

Toxic Crusaders review (GB)

Reviewed on September 24, 2008

At the beginning of each segment of each stage, players get to choose between Toxie and any of his four sidekicks. I can't be bothered to remember their names because all of them are, for all intents and purposes, the exact same as Toxie. All five characters are the same size, have the same mobility and fire projectiles at the same speed.
overdrive's avatar
Infinite Undiscovery (Xbox 360)

Infinite Undiscovery review (X360)

Reviewed on September 23, 2008

When the moon (known as the Throne of Gods) is chained up by the one called Dreadknight, the world is overthrown by evil. The chains run through the atmosphere, all the way from the moon to quaint towns and cities, turning vast areas into monster havens. At the same time the planet’s life is being destroyed, striking fear in its occupants while creating a theme Square Enix fans have come to embrace.
louis_bedigian's avatar
Two Worlds: Epic Edition (PC)

Two Worlds: Epic Edition review (PC)

Reviewed on September 22, 2008

If Two Worlds is modelled as closely on Oblivion as it looks to be, then Reality Pump have missed the point entirely. The open world remains in full force and the art design is plagiaristically similar, but Two Worlds' judgement of what makes a high-quality digital RPG is way off. Bethesda mustn't know whether to laugh or cry.
Lewis's avatar
Monster Madness: Grave Danger (PlayStation 3)

Monster Madness: Grave Danger review (PS3)

Reviewed on September 21, 2008

If you want a new-gen Smash TV with corpses other than slightly homosexual-looking guys in body-tight red jumpsuits made from latex, then your choices are already pretty limited. Monster Madness: Grave Danger is pretty much the only way to go, but that’s okay. As long as you don’t belong in certain pigeonholes, you could have some fun here.
EmP's avatar
Wild ARMs XF (PSP)

Wild ARMs XF review (PSP)

Reviewed on September 21, 2008

It truely is a fantastic example of the genre, but it's immediately obvious that innovation isn't the reason why. The game's biggest departure from genre conventions is that its play field is divided into hexagons instead of squares. This makes sense given the battle system of the last two traditional Wild Arms games, and adds a small bit of series recognition to the game, but the practical impact is nonexistent. The game feels very familiar immediately. Move a unit, select its action, move on. Simple.
dragoon_of_infinity's avatar
S.T.A.L.K.E.R.: Clear Sky (PC)

S.T.A.L.K.E.R.: Clear Sky review (PC)

Reviewed on September 20, 2008

There was a point about halfway through the new S.T.A.L.K.E.R. when I realised I was playing a radically different game to the one I started a couple of days previously. The change is a gradual one, but by the time the phenomenal ambition of the early levels has become a mere memory, it's certainly noticeable. There's a conflict of interest at the heart of Clear Sky between radically open warfare and traditional first-person shooting. Neither of these facets achieves its aims perfectly, but there remains a lot to love about GSC Game World's latest creation...
Lewis's avatar
The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion (Xbox 360)

The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion review (X360)

Reviewed on September 14, 2008

It brings sharply into focus exactly why Oblivion’s quick save and save anywhere features are downright vital. There’s a reason you and you alone are tasked with saving the entire world aside from Patrick Stewart telling you to do so: this reason is because everyone else in the region is a bloody retard.
EmP's avatar
Undercover Cops (Arcade)

Undercover Cops review (ARC)

Reviewed on September 13, 2008

In a dimly lit room of political power, town officials plot how to take care of the recent crime outbreak...
drella's avatar
Strong Bad's Cool Game for Attractive People Episode 1: Homestar Ruiner (PC)

Strong Bad's Cool Game for Attractive People Episode 1: Homestar Ruiner review (PC)

Reviewed on September 10, 2008

For those who didn't know, Homestar Runner is a long running internet comedy website revolving largely about a guy answering his e-mail. It's most well known for having oddly drawn and animated cartoony characters getting into all kinds of odd misadventures together in a surprisingly mundane world. I didn't know exactly what to expect in a game about this place, but in retrospect this has point-and-click adventure written all over it. And it is pretty fitting, I suppose. The game lends itself well to the genre, what with all the quirk and the word play. Everything's too goofy to make a convincing action game or, well, much of anything else.
dragoon_of_infinity's avatar
Dream Pinball 3D (DS)

Dream Pinball 3D review (DS)

Reviewed on September 09, 2008

The table spans out on the bottom screen, the top sprawled with skulls, magic books and bumpers shaped like medieval castles. For some reason, a few of the bonuses unlock a tweeting bird song, but I’m willing to forgive it. Barely. It’s a very annoying side effect.
EmP's avatar
1701 A.D. Gold Edition (PC)

1701 A.D. Gold Edition review (PC)

Reviewed on September 09, 2008

Chances are you know the game's titular century well enough; the late 1600's and early 1700's serve as the backdrop for just about every pirate movie, game, and comic book known to man. Do pirates factor into 1701? A little, but the game's focus is more on the other, less popularized aspects of the era.
WilltheGreat's avatar
The Sporting News Baseball (SNES)

The Sporting News Baseball review (SNES)

Reviewed on September 08, 2008

I spent so many summer days slugging the hell out of the ball, the cornfield always my sanctuary. I’d run every top slugger of the time (1993) out there, 100 pitches each, and afterward record their totals in spreadsheets. I’d be surprised by results, and forced to test them again. Could Greg Vaughn really have more raw power than Danny Tartabull? Was Darryl Strawberry better than Bobby Bonillia? I had to know.
drella's avatar
Silverfall: Earth Awakening (PC)

Silverfall: Earth Awakening review (PC)

Reviewed on September 05, 2008

In all, Earth Awakening is something every RPG fan who has not liked anything since Morrowind should give a crack at; it is a depthy, creative and exciting universe that highlights the great things about non-linear gameplay and AI companions, only to be let down by a pointless multiplayer.
Melaisis's avatar
Bazooka Cafe (PC)

Bazooka Cafe review (PC)

Reviewed on September 05, 2008

An adequate presentation and more than adequate bust size can't save the otherwise completely inadequate Bazooka Cafe
Chacranajxy's avatar
Doom 3 (PC)

Doom 3 review (PC)

Reviewed on September 03, 2008

How scary is Doom 3? Scary enough to place you in a pitch-black room with five demons who want to maul your brains out, and scary enough to keep you from holding your gun and flashlight at the same time. Given the abundance of exploding air vents in Mars City, is there seriously no duct tape one can use to attach his flashlight to his assault rifle? Or, if nothing else, is there no way to hold the flashlight and your damn pistol at the same time? The pistol is a one-handed weapon, and I can see that my character’s left arm functions just fine, so what’s the problem? You know, the old Resident Evil games employed tank-like controls to increase the tension of enemy encounters; it was a survival horror trick. But then Capcom matured and made Resident Evil 4, which proved it’s possible to scare players without physically handicapping the main character. Doom 3 doesn’t even technically qualify as a survival horror game and it’s preoccupied with pulling rubbish like this.
Suskie's avatar
Milon's Secret Castle (NES)

Milon's Secret Castle review (NES)

Reviewed on September 03, 2008

My guess is that the presence of the word "Secret" in this game's title is rooted in the fact that virtually every room here holds hordes of secret rooms and items. You aren't expected to just fire your weapon at enemies (that quickly respawn), but at EVERYTHING. You'll be breaking blocks like crazy. You'll be firing into blank, empty air. You'll be constantly flooding the screen with bubbles because any single location in any single room just might hide a doorway leading to something you need to clear the game.
overdrive's avatar
Soulcalibur IV (Xbox 360)

Soulcalibur IV review (X360)

Reviewed on September 01, 2008

Namco’s mistakes have been remedied: fewer exploits, the removal of the somewhat pointless Soul Charge technique and slightly slower gameplay – seemingly small changes, but ones that nonetheless make for a smoother, more refined combat system.
Chacranajxy's avatar
Operation Darkness (Xbox 360)

Operation Darkness review (X360)

Reviewed on September 01, 2008

The gameplay meets the first two requirements: it is turn-based and there is a grid. Eureka! The word “solid,” however, will not be used to describe the combat. Speed isn’t the issue; while far from lightning-quick, Operation Darkness moves at a fair pace. The game fails because, no matter what you do, it just doesn’t want to work.
louis_bedigian's avatar
Amorous Professor Cherry (PC)

Amorous Professor Cherry review (PC)

Reviewed on September 01, 2008

As Kouta, the overanalyzing, virginal lead character, you’ve got to choose between these three ‘ladies’ (lucky guy). There are several decisions you have to make along the way that will impact which stream the game takes you on, and which ending you earn. The decisions you make will lead to sex in any case, so you needn’t worry too much if your head isn’t in the game. Random clicking will still enable your seeing not only Kouta banging multiple ladies, but the ladies pleasuring each other. Good times.
Masters's avatar

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