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Review Archives (Staff Reviews)

You are currently looking through staff reviews for games that are available on every platform the site currently covers. Below, you will find reviews written by all eligible authors and sorted according to date of submission, with the newest content displaying first. As many as 20 results will display per page. If you would like to try a search with different parameters, specify them below and submit a new search.

Available Reviews
Low G Man (NES)

Low G Man review (NES)

Reviewed on February 06, 2009

One minute, you'll be fighting robotic enemies; the next, it'll be little flying gargoyles coming at you. You'll find yourself diving to the depths of an ocean to set up a jaunt through an alien-infested submarine in the second level; meanwhile the fourth level begins with a jaunt up a tower leading to a fight with a teleporting boss in an oddly psychedelic room and ends with a short trip through an alien mothership.
overdrive's avatar
Hotel Giant 2 (PC)

Hotel Giant 2 review (PC)

Reviewed on February 06, 2009

If you can deal with the fact that every single one of your guests is going to be an utter ball-ache to deal with, Hotel Giant 2 becomes predictably addictive, and it's easy to lose hours on end fine-tuning all sorts of little details in order to watch your profit margin increase painfully slowly. But then, this is more praise of the genre as a whole than of this example of it. The length of time it takes to complete each of the campaign sections also totally destroys the sense of reward upon finishing one. You can skip weeks on end if you like, but it can still take hours upon hours of real time to make much progress - particularly early on, when the woefully inept tutorial fails to teach you even the basics of how the game actually works.
Lewis's avatar
Assassin's Creed (PlayStation 3)

Assassin's Creed review (PS3)

Reviewed on February 04, 2009

The idiot guards conspire to make one point very clear: Assassin’s Creed is a game set amongst a flock of intolerable dumbness.
EmP's avatar
Dragon Knight (X68000)

Dragon Knight review (X68K)

Reviewed on February 01, 2009

Dragon Knight's success propelled development house Elf to the heights of respect, insofar as a company that produces hentai video games could possibly be respected. Due in large part to the success of Dragon Knight, a significant portion of their catalog was ported to the PC Engine and Sega Saturn, able to be enjoyed by the impressionable children of unsuspecting parents.
zigfried's avatar
Eternal Poison (PlayStation 2)

Eternal Poison review (PS2)

Reviewed on February 01, 2009

Closed minds will find Eternal Poison to be a finely-crafted strategy RPG. Open minds will find a lot more, including fresh takes on familar themes: religion, altruisim, selfishness, and the double-edged nature of justice.
zigfried's avatar
Emerald Dragon (SNES)

Emerald Dragon review (SNES)

Reviewed on January 30, 2009

Unfortunately for Atrushan, there is a bit of a curse on the land, making it very deadly for dragons to venture there (the reason they're confined to their own isolated realm). However, it doesn't take him long (a tiny tutorial dungeon) to gain a relic that transforms him into a human, allowing him to seek out Tamryn and teach the game's assorted bad guys that when a dragon's pledged to protect a girl, it doesn't pay to be attempting a hostile takeover of the land she's calling home.
overdrive's avatar
Gears of War 2 (Xbox 360)

Gears of War 2 review (X360)

Reviewed on January 30, 2009

The gunplay is brutal. But it's also masterfully paced, broken up every so often by a spectacular set-piece or a superb on-rails vehicular section. Combat is as effortlessly brilliant as before, with the landmark cover-system playing a predictably huge role. Particularly on higher difficulty levels, failure to fully utilise the conveniently-positioned walls and boxes that litter Gears 2's battlegrounds results in bloody death, so a more strategic approach is often necessary. Nothing too strategic, mind. You wouldn't want to tax your brain too much, after all.
Lewis's avatar
Sam & Max: Season One (Wii)

Sam & Max: Season One review (WII)

Reviewed on January 28, 2009

But you’ll find nothing on the Wii quite like Sam & Max: Season 1.
EmP's avatar
Left Brain Right Brain 2 (DS)

Left Brain Right Brain 2 review (DS)

Reviewed on January 27, 2009

The developers still haven't figured out how to produce a quality assortment of skill-based games. Luck still plays a larger role than it should and sometimes threatens to turn everything upside-down. In one stage, for instance, you have to dig fossils from a field of clay. Since you can't see your buried targets ahead of time, you basically have to tap the screen like a madman and hope for the best. This is an action that most people can easily perform with either hand, so any end results feel hollow instead of informative. Other diversions with more consistency fare better, like one where you push beach balls into large holes at the corner of the playing field, but in the end the available selection is a mixed bag.
honestgamer's avatar
The Maw (Xbox 360)

The Maw review (X360)

Reviewed on January 26, 2009

He might not look like much, but Maw is a powerful creature. As the game begins, he's about the size of a pot-bellied pig. You'll wander slowly across the rocky landscape and he'll follow in your wake, gobbling up the bulb-shaped creatures that pop out from shrubbery when you approach. As things progress, the continuous feasting results in growth and new abilities. Maw can eventually take to the skies, fire lasers from his eyes and even ram his way through solid stone walls. All he needs is a little bit of direction.
honestgamer's avatar
Moon (DS)

Moon review (DS)

Reviewed on January 22, 2009

If you're someone who does a lot of commuting and happen to be a big fan of first-person shooters, Moon might just hit that sweet spot you're looking for. For everyone else, there's little here to distinguish it from any number of first-person shooters from the last decade.
MrDurandPierre's avatar
Naruto: Rise of a Ninja (Xbox 360)

Naruto: Rise of a Ninja review (X360)

Reviewed on January 21, 2009

There’s a good game to be enjoyed underneath the underachieving direction that fails to cater for any audience the game may be aimed at. You’ll just have to employ a little bit of ninja guile to discover it.
EmP's avatar
Resident Evil (GameCube)

Resident Evil review (GCN)

Reviewed on January 21, 2009

In 1999, System Shock 2 showed the world that it's possible to craft an unspeakably brilliant and always-chilling tale, complete with horrifying characters and a relentlessly anxious and unfriendly atmosphere. It also proved that survival horror in its truest sense - a focus on the conservation of resources in a harrowing, otherworldly situation - doesn't have to be restricted by godawful movement and an errant camera, and certainly that tension doesn't have to be ramped up by not being able to see where you're going. Why, when we have a wonderful benchmark like that, are we still lapping up rubbish like this?
Lewis's avatar
Panic Restaurant (NES)

Panic Restaurant review (NES)

Reviewed on January 21, 2009

You control an elderly chef who finds that a villainous counterpart named OHDOVE has just taken over his restaurant AND somehow made all the food homicidal. Personally, I'm a bit skeptical as to how food that attacks people is going to help this place keep customers happy, but unlike OHDOVE, I've never presumed to be a qualified restaurant owner.
overdrive's avatar
Dokapon Kingdom (Wii)

Dokapon Kingdom review (WII)

Reviewed on January 21, 2009

Early on you'll groan with disgust when you lose a fight and have to sit out for three rounds to recuperate. Before long, though, you're learning how to beef up your warrior with levels and equipment. You're mastering the fine art of swooping in for the victory just as two rivals have worn each other down to slivers of life. You're warping across the map to rest up at a safe town, or using items you've gathered to wreak havoc from afar. You're coming to understand that your opponents will always be lucky in battle but that maybe you can plan carefully and be luckier still.
honestgamer's avatar
Cake Mania: In the Mix! (Wii)

Cake Mania: In the Mix! review (WII)

Reviewed on January 20, 2009

Momentum is important in Cake Mania: In the Mix, paramount even. If you can't maintain it along with a sense of working rhythm, the game will unapologetically eat you for lunch. It's quite humbling, really. On the face of things, this is a game about a hot little baker girl (or boy, or... grandpa?) dashing around to fill orders for cakes. Dig a little deeper, though, and it's a demanding time management sim that just doesn't quit.
honestgamer's avatar
Safecracker: The Ultimate Puzzle Adventure (Wii)

Safecracker: The Ultimate Puzzle Adventure review (WII)

Reviewed on January 18, 2009

Most of the time you play, you'll probably be thinking that you must have missed something. Sometimes the hero will muse about a possible solution and point you in the right direction, but typically that only happens once you've finally figured it out for yourself. Even then, he doesn't always have anything worthwhile to say. Suggesting that a safe looks like cipher puzzles from the Civil War is all well and good, but what if you have no idea what that even means? The game simply demands too much of the casual gamer that it is likely to attract.
honestgamer's avatar
Hokuto no Ken (PlayStation 2)

Hokuto no Ken review (PS2)

Reviewed on January 18, 2009

What Hokuto no Ken lacks in balance, it attempts to compensate for in flash. Huge Engrish proclamations such as "THE BATTLE OF DESTINY" and "THANX FOR YOUR PLAYING!" adorn the screen, blows connect with explosive impact, and animations are elaborate and unusual; one character pulls oil drums from the background, sets them on the ground, and ignites them with shotgun blasts.
zigfried's avatar
Kidz Sports: Crazy Golf (Wii)

Kidz Sports: Crazy Golf review (WII)

Reviewed on January 18, 2009

Compared the rest of its Wii budget label brethren, Crazy Mini Golf is by far the favoured game, but it’s a little like saying testicular is your favourite form of cancer.
EmP's avatar
Castlevania: Judgment (Wii)

Castlevania: Judgment review (WII)

Reviewed on January 15, 2009

Why would someone bother mastering the art of knocking someone into the air, canceling out of a ground-based combo to follow-up with an air attack and then come down with a crushing to finish things off when just waving the Wii Remote around in circles while holding the 'B' button proves equally effective? This game was made for old-fashioned button mashers.
honestgamer's avatar

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