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Review Archives (Staff Reviews)

You are currently looking through staff reviews for games that are available on every platform the site currently covers. Below, you will find reviews written by all eligible authors and sorted according to date of submission, with the newest content displaying first. As many as 20 results will display per page. If you would like to try a search with different parameters, specify them below and submit a new search.

Available Reviews

Crimecraft: Bleedout (PC)

Crimecraft: Bleedout review (PC)

Reviewed on January 30, 2011

It has the chance to stand out from the crowd, to not be just another also-ran, but it would be unfair to say it’s there right now. Should it continue down this path, its future looks promising.
EmP's avatar
Cthulhu Saves the World (Xbox 360)

Cthulhu Saves the World review (X360)

Reviewed on January 28, 2011

Thus begins the Old One’s quest for backwards redemption -- defeating some evil so he can unleash a greater evil. Sulking along the sandy beach he arrived at, he rescues his first party member, a star-struck water-based healer who incorrectly paints Cthulhu as her rescuing knight, and stomps off to his first village where he undertakes such heroic tasks as Saving A Boy’s Dog From A Cave.
EmP's avatar
ZP2KX: Zombies and Pterodactyls 20XX (Xbox 360)

ZP2KX: Zombies and Pterodactyls 20XX review (X360)

Reviewed on January 24, 2011

You could choose to mow them down with machine pistols or shotguns. With rocket launchers, plasma cannons or flare guns. With flamethrowers, assault rifles, proxy mines, grenade launchers or samurai swords. Railguns, icebeams, mini-nukes, souped-up pistols, golden guns or just a plain old kick to the head.
EmP's avatar
Dirty Larry: Renegade Cop (Lynx)

Dirty Larry: Renegade Cop review (LYNX)

Reviewed on January 23, 2011

Like Kung Food, Dirty Larry compensates with enough health that you can get lucky and progress through much of the game. Both are examples of games that are fundamentally poor and have used above average size lifebars to try to hide the damning facts, that hits on opponents often don't register and situations they create incur unavoidable damage on the player. Both are barebones concept games with zero creativity after the initial concept and failed execution throughout.
Leroux's avatar
Xenon 2: Megablast (Genesis)

Xenon 2: Megablast review (GEN)

Reviewed on January 23, 2011

I respect Xenon 2 for the envelopes it pushed, but this doesn’t qualify it for a free pass; it doesn’t excuse its mistakes. Remember its innovations fondly, if you like, just don’t revisit them. There’s no reason to; no reward for your efforts. Just one final note from Bitmap Brothers saying “By the way? We know you cheated to get this far, and we hate you.”
EmP's avatar
Kung Food (Lynx)

Kung Food review (LYNX)

Reviewed on January 21, 2011

Kung Food is recommended if your only system is the Atari Lynx.
Leroux's avatar
Medal of Honor (PlayStation 3)

Medal of Honor review (PS3)

Reviewed on January 14, 2011

Medal of Honor can barely claim to being more than half a game, the half it does right, it excels. The other half isn’t bad for a first attempt -- but that’s not really good enough, is it?
EmP's avatar
101-in-1 Sports Party Megamix (Wii)

101-in-1 Sports Party Megamix review (WII)

Reviewed on January 11, 2011

I’m simply going to present the facts. Nothing here works. Even with its budget title status, it’s not worth the price of admission.
EmP's avatar
Red Dead Redemption (Xbox 360)

Red Dead Redemption review (X360)

Reviewed on January 08, 2011

You’ll want to squeeze every second of life from Red Dead Redemption. You’ll do this because you know that, sooner or later, the game will end and you’ll no longer be a part of its world. You‘ll want to elongate your stay. And John Marston will let you, because there might be someone out there somewhere he hasn’t shot at yet.
EmP's avatar
Kirby's Adventure (NES)

Kirby's Adventure review (NES)

Reviewed on January 08, 2011

Kirby's Adventure is innocence; a reminder of a youth full of optimism and dreams where even the thought of pitfalls seemed incomprehensible. When life gets me down, it offers solace as its bright colors, wildly varying levels and unrelenting cuteness overwhelm me until I have no choice but to smile and lose myself in the game. Even after all these years, it still has that effect — something that makes me grateful.
overdrive's avatar
Astonishia Story (PSP)

Astonishia Story review (PSP)

Reviewed on January 01, 2011

I can’t help but think of Astonisha Story bravely treading water. It was never in its nature to be spectacular, but it could have settled with quietly competent had Ubisoft thrown it a life preserver rather than hurled rocks from the shore.
EmP's avatar
Pocket Pool (PSP)

Pocket Pool review (PSP)

Reviewed on December 30, 2010

HyperDevbox Japan surely set out to do something different, by giving us ‘erotic pool.’ The word on the street is that publishers Conspiracy and Eidos sought to use the Girls Gone Wild license and do something really distinct, but talks fell through. As such, we’re stuck with a random collection of stills and short video clips of nude models and outright porn stars as our erotic content.
Masters's avatar
Gunstar Heroes (PlayStation 3)

Gunstar Heroes review (PS3)

Reviewed on December 21, 2010

Your mission is straightforward enough: As one of the two Heroes — twin brother Red or Blue — you must foil the nefarious Colonel Red (the doppelganger of Street Fighter II’s M. Bison) who has stolen the four Mystic Gems in an plot to unleash the all-powerful Golden Silver — and you’ll want to release your brainwashed older brother Green and rescue hopeless ally Yellow along the way.
Masters's avatar
Resident Evil: Survivor (PlayStation)

Resident Evil: Survivor review (PSX)

Reviewed on December 21, 2010

We’ve been able to rely on Resident Evil games for certain ingredients that bespeak their quality: amazing polygonal graphics, cheesy cinematic cut scenes, and their ability to spook the player. Survivor only gets the cheese right. This game looks horrid, but fails to provide the horror.
Masters's avatar
Kozu (Xbox 360)

Kozu review (X360)

Reviewed on December 18, 2010

Kozu is one of THOSE games that pop up on XBLA in droves; it’s a duel stick shooter that we should really be more pissed at Geometry Wars for popularising. We could try really hard to pretend that Kozu isn’t the latest contender in the homebrew developer’s favourite genre choice, but your denial would have to be measured in galaxies to overcome the sheer volume of evidence to the contrary. So, let’s not. Let’s just talk about how Kozu is an okay little game, but not one to reach the loft heights preset by the likes of Z0MBIES and Zombie Estate.
EmP's avatar
Splatterhouse (PlayStation 3)

Splatterhouse review (PS3)

Reviewed on December 09, 2010

Once upon a time, all this blood and nudity would have been daring. I remember gasping in awe when playing the originals . . . of course, those were marketed towards pre-teens who couldn't even get into R-rated flicks. In today's world, hacking up misshapen beasts and grabbing softcore pics just isn't enough.
zigfried's avatar
Blood Stone: 007 (Xbox 360)

Blood Stone: 007 review (X360)

Reviewed on December 07, 2010

Whereas GoldenEye Wii and its N64 predecessor lived up to the 007 name, Blood Stone fails to create the highly addictive thrills that gamers and moviegoers have come to expect from the franchise.
louis_bedigian's avatar
FIFA Soccer 11 (Xbox 360)

FIFA Soccer 11 review (X360)

Reviewed on December 04, 2010

FIFA 11 retains all of what made FIFA 10's engine great, apart from making penalties more of a bother than they need to be, but a lack of meaningful improvements, particularly in its game modes, means that it feels like I'm paying full price mostly just for updated rosters and kits.
Ben's avatar
Vectorman (Genesis)

Vectorman review (GEN)

Reviewed on December 02, 2010

At the time of this game's release, a big fuss was made over it. Much drooling came about, and many Genesis gamers had to dab gingerly at their foreheads with cold towels. The reason was that BlueSky Software made a truly unique-looking game. Vectorman himself (he's the good guy) is made out of yellow-green spheres, and he animates brilliantly. His composition and movement might bring to mind the PC survival horror not-quite-classic, Ecstatica, had anyone actually played that game. But Vectorman's own good looks grandstand alongside shamefully bland foes, and within missions undeserving of his own undeniable charm.
Masters's avatar
Excruciating Guitar Voyage (PC)

Excruciating Guitar Voyage review (PC)

Reviewed on November 28, 2010

Excruciating Guitar Voyage is obviously trying to lampoon, [but] it's too far over that line to be funny anymore. Ultimately, it tries too hard and ends up becoming the kind of amateurish and unpolished game it sets out to make fun of.
WilltheGreat's avatar

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