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Review Archives (Staff Reviews)

You are currently looking through staff reviews for games that are available on every platform the site currently covers. Below, you will find reviews written by all eligible authors and sorted according to date of submission, with the newest content displaying first. As many as 20 results will display per page. If you would like to try a search with different parameters, specify them below and submit a new search.

Available Reviews
Donkey Kong Junior (Colecovision)

Donkey Kong Junior review (CVN)

Reviewed on December 13, 2003

While the perennial favourite, Donkey Kong, had a little red-capped, thick-mustached plumber leaping barrels sent careening his way by the big guy himself, Donkey Kong Jr changes things up completely. Now Mario is exacting some measure of revenge, somehow managing to capture the big ape and chain him up (any self-respecting PETA member's alarm bells would go off if they saw young Jimmy having a go at this).
Masters's avatar
Super Street Fighter II Turbo (3DO)

Super Street Fighter II Turbo review (3DO)

Reviewed on December 13, 2003

Panasonic should thank their lucky stars (well, not so lucky) that Capcom allowed their favourite sons, Ken and Ryu to play on the 3DO's abandoned, decrepit property. Super Street Fighter II Turbo (SSFIIT) remains one of the few bright spots in the dark annals of the now defunct system's lifespan. Unless you absolutely abhor one on one fighting contests, this game is a must have for the 3DO owner.
Masters's avatar
Out of This World (3DO)

Out of This World review (3DO)

Reviewed on December 13, 2003

Imagine being in another world, totally different than this Earth - blue and purple-shadowed, otherworldly and brimming with sudden violence. Anthropoid beasts brood in black uniforms, walking the sunless earth, their faces telling of the grey atmosphere with matted, chalky complexions. Black as death are the animals they keep, resembling bulls, charging about when not kept in check. Lasers crisscross your panorama from the weapons of their two-legged masters, while their proud stone edifices and buildings push up from the ground like crooked fingers.
Masters's avatar
Gals Panic (Arcade)

Gals Panic review (ARC)

Reviewed on December 13, 2003

Your goal here is to move your icon around the square-shaped stage. You can move wherever you like so long as you like and not have to worry about dying. The minute you start drawing a line, though, you're vulnerable to attacks. Enemies are moving about along with you, and if they hit you while you're drawing, or shape you're drawing that you haven't completed, you lose a life.
honestgamer's avatar
Mario Bros. (Apple II)

Mario Bros. review (APP2)

Reviewed on December 12, 2003

There are new elements from one set of stages to the next. In the early areas, your enemies are turtles. Those fellows fall easily to your bumping technique. However, as you'll soon face the lobsters (they take two hits to disorient), the flies (they bounce about) and even natural hazards such as ice monsters that freeze ledges and the icicles that like to break loose and fall on your head from time to time.
honestgamer's avatar
Side Arms (TurboGrafx-16)

Side Arms review (TG16)

Reviewed on December 11, 2003

Rather than the collection of illegal weapons you thought you would find piled on the counter when you asked for it, Side Arms is a side-scrolling shooting game from Capcom. Radiance Software ported the game over to the Turbografx-16 in a historical move; it was the Turbo’s first third party release.
Masters's avatar
TV Sports Hockey (TurboGrafx-16)

TV Sports Hockey review (TG16)

Reviewed on December 10, 2003

As the Turbografx-16 goes, surely Cinemaware has reached rock bottom with this, the third and final TV Sports release (I don't believe TV Sports Baseball was ever released). This is possibly the worst sports game I have ever played, and certainly the worst hockey game.
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Victory Run (TurboGrafx-16)

Victory Run review (TG16)

Reviewed on December 10, 2003

This game, one of the few racers released for the Turbografx-16, chronicles the Paris to Dakar rally. The strains on mind, body and vehicle alike are enormous, and Victory Run is relentless. The game makes you feel the vehicle's emotions as it were. When you're going good, the immense metallic frame glides along aided by smooth suspension and both you and your vehicle are smiling. When you're not, the piece of junk struggles along, suspension twisted, tires bald, gears grinding.
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Unreal Tournament: Game of the Year Edition (PC)

Unreal Tournament: Game of the Year Edition review (PC)

Reviewed on December 10, 2003

Do you have any friends? Well, do you? If the answer to this dubious and revealing question is 'yes', then you simply cannot do without playing Unreal Tournament. But I am not good at First Person Shooter games! You whine, clearly unimpressed (and most likely hiding your negative response to the first question!). To this I say, it doesn't matter! like The Rock before he hung up his spandex briefs.
Masters's avatar
Wolfenstein 3D (PC)

Wolfenstein 3D review (PC)

Reviewed on December 10, 2003

The German voices are probably the biggest aural highlight (achtung baby!), and the dogs certainly represent the most impressive show of the games graphics. Human enemies are large and menacing, but they have a squashed look to them that makes us take the whole thing less seriously than we should. It's as if the cast of River City Ransom was dropped into a pseudo 3D environment and given guns and awkward accents.
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Raptor (PC)

Raptor review (PC)

Reviewed on December 10, 2003

Raptor uses a vitality bar, so beginners won’t be intimidated as they would be by an R-Type-ish one hit wonder. That vitality bar can be extended if you’ve got enough money. Money can’t buy you love, but life - now there’s a perfectly reasonable investment.
Masters's avatar
God of Thunder (PC)

God of Thunder review (PC)

Reviewed on December 10, 2003

GoT (you’ve gotta admit, it’s one of the best acronyms in the world of gaming, ever: got GoT?) gives us a top-down perspective on the goings-on in the world of its hero, much like The Legend of Zelda. But don’t confuse the challenges of Asgaard with the strictly action–RPG swashbuckling of Hyrule; there is a lot more brainwork for Thor to do than bomb cave walls and pull tongues to open doors.
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Philosoma (PlayStation)

Philosoma review (PSX)

Reviewed on December 10, 2003

Oh my. This could have been a legendary game. Really. Unfortunately, it falls a bit short. Philosoma is a shooter that should really appeal to all the different niches of shooter fans. It attempts side-scrolling, vertical, behind-the-ship, in-front-of-the ship and isometric overhead/horizontal stages, with varying results.
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Splatterhouse (TurboGrafx-16)

Splatterhouse review (TG16)

Reviewed on December 10, 2003

Ah, the classic moments we owe to Splatterhouse! Guide Rick past chained zombies affixed to the walls, slipping the gastric juices they spit up in your path! Jaunting ghouls offer themselves up as target practice for your two-by-four - splatter their guts onto the walls! And that's only the first level, people. It gets better!
Masters's avatar
The Legend of Zelda: Link's Awakening (Game Boy)

The Legend of Zelda: Link's Awakening review (GB)

Reviewed on December 10, 2003

You'll love how Link’s Awakening throws you into the thick of things right away (remember striking out into the rain in Zelda III?), and without a weapon! We are unsettled by the sense of urgency, and it’s very fun to be so off balance so early on. The trumpet-led music harkens back to the very first game in the series, The Legend of Zelda, stirring you into action with appropriate and welcome fanfare.
Masters's avatar
Super Mario Land (Game Boy)

Super Mario Land review (GB)

Reviewed on December 10, 2003

Nintendo might have simply taken their classic Super Mario Brothers game and shrunken it down, stripped it of its colour and some of its depth and dubbed it Super Mario Land, and GameBoy owners would likely have been happy. Instead, the big N decided to give their then fledgling handheld unit a sort of Mario gaiden, and the result was very special.
Masters's avatar
Castlevania II: Belmont's Revenge (Game Boy)

Castlevania II: Belmont's Revenge review (GB)

Reviewed on December 10, 2003

Where Castlevania: The Adventure was slow and plodding, Belmont’s Revenge is fast paced by Castlevania standards, and is as much fun to play as the best the series, and is about as good as the side-scrolling adventure genre has to offer. Castlevania III and Super Castlevania IV are often considered the best games in the series, and if they are representative of the best 8-bit and 16-bit offerings respectively, then Belmont’s Revenge is easily the best portable title.
Masters's avatar
The Castlevania Adventure (Game Boy)

The Castlevania Adventure review (GB)

Reviewed on December 10, 2003

I thoroughly enjoy this terrific franchise, and I look forward to each release with newfound excitement. When I first saw screenshots for The Adventure, I fought an urge to immediately conclude that the game would be a winner. It looked good, its lack of colour notwithstanding. And certainly sound and gameplay quality was never a problem for Konami's 2-D, whip-toting heroes of Gothic tradition. Until now.
Masters's avatar
Nemesis (Game Boy)

Nemesis review (GB)

Reviewed on December 10, 2003

Don’t get it twisted. Nemesis is a remixed, scaled down Gradius, plain and simple. You fly from left to right and fire on everything in sight, encountering weaklings flying in formation, Moai heads literally spitting out Cheerios, and giant ships that move up and down firing sliver-like lasers for you to squeeze between. Konami/Ultra have down an admirable job here, making Nemesis one of the best shooters available for on-the-go killing sprees.
Masters's avatar
Wizards & Warriors X: Fortress of Fear (Game Boy)

Wizards & Warriors X: Fortress of Fear review (GB)

Reviewed on December 10, 2003

I love side-scrollers, and someone knew this. I was duped, led astray, and the rest of it. I would gladly take on any Castlevania adventure (even The Adventure), The Legendary Axe, hell, even a rusty bladed generic Rastan mission. But X (may I call you X?) doesn’t deserve my hack and slashing skills, nor does it deserve yours. More importantly, our hack and slash skills are unlikely to measure up to this evil cartridge's challenge.
Masters's avatar

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