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Review Archives (Staff Reviews)

You are currently looking through staff reviews for games that are available on every platform the site currently covers. Below, you will find reviews written by all eligible authors and sorted according to date of submission, with the newest content displaying first. As many as 20 results will display per page. If you would like to try a search with different parameters, specify them below and submit a new search.

Available Reviews

Unreal Tournament: Game of the Year Edition (PC)

Unreal Tournament: Game of the Year Edition review (PC)

Reviewed on December 10, 2003

Do you have any friends? Well, do you? If the answer to this dubious and revealing question is 'yes', then you simply cannot do without playing Unreal Tournament. But I am not good at First Person Shooter games! You whine, clearly unimpressed (and most likely hiding your negative response to the first question!). To this I say, it doesn't matter! like The Rock before he hung up his spandex briefs.
Masters's avatar
Wolfenstein 3D (PC)

Wolfenstein 3D review (PC)

Reviewed on December 10, 2003

The German voices are probably the biggest aural highlight (achtung baby!), and the dogs certainly represent the most impressive show of the games graphics. Human enemies are large and menacing, but they have a squashed look to them that makes us take the whole thing less seriously than we should. It's as if the cast of River City Ransom was dropped into a pseudo 3D environment and given guns and awkward accents.
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Raptor (PC)

Raptor review (PC)

Reviewed on December 10, 2003

Raptor uses a vitality bar, so beginners won’t be intimidated as they would be by an R-Type-ish one hit wonder. That vitality bar can be extended if you’ve got enough money. Money can’t buy you love, but life - now there’s a perfectly reasonable investment.
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God of Thunder (PC)

God of Thunder review (PC)

Reviewed on December 10, 2003

GoT (you’ve gotta admit, it’s one of the best acronyms in the world of gaming, ever: got GoT?) gives us a top-down perspective on the goings-on in the world of its hero, much like The Legend of Zelda. But don’t confuse the challenges of Asgaard with the strictly action–RPG swashbuckling of Hyrule; there is a lot more brainwork for Thor to do than bomb cave walls and pull tongues to open doors.
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Philosoma (PlayStation)

Philosoma review (PSX)

Reviewed on December 10, 2003

Oh my. This could have been a legendary game. Really. Unfortunately, it falls a bit short. Philosoma is a shooter that should really appeal to all the different niches of shooter fans. It attempts side-scrolling, vertical, behind-the-ship, in-front-of-the ship and isometric overhead/horizontal stages, with varying results.
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Splatterhouse (TurboGrafx-16)

Splatterhouse review (TG16)

Reviewed on December 10, 2003

Ah, the classic moments we owe to Splatterhouse! Guide Rick past chained zombies affixed to the walls, slipping the gastric juices they spit up in your path! Jaunting ghouls offer themselves up as target practice for your two-by-four - splatter their guts onto the walls! And that's only the first level, people. It gets better!
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The Legend of Zelda: Link's Awakening (Game Boy)

The Legend of Zelda: Link's Awakening review (GB)

Reviewed on December 10, 2003

You'll love how Link’s Awakening throws you into the thick of things right away (remember striking out into the rain in Zelda III?), and without a weapon! We are unsettled by the sense of urgency, and it’s very fun to be so off balance so early on. The trumpet-led music harkens back to the very first game in the series, The Legend of Zelda, stirring you into action with appropriate and welcome fanfare.
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Super Mario Land (Game Boy)

Super Mario Land review (GB)

Reviewed on December 10, 2003

Nintendo might have simply taken their classic Super Mario Brothers game and shrunken it down, stripped it of its colour and some of its depth and dubbed it Super Mario Land, and GameBoy owners would likely have been happy. Instead, the big N decided to give their then fledgling handheld unit a sort of Mario gaiden, and the result was very special.
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Castlevania II: Belmont's Revenge (Game Boy)

Castlevania II: Belmont's Revenge review (GB)

Reviewed on December 10, 2003

Where Castlevania: The Adventure was slow and plodding, Belmont’s Revenge is fast paced by Castlevania standards, and is as much fun to play as the best the series, and is about as good as the side-scrolling adventure genre has to offer. Castlevania III and Super Castlevania IV are often considered the best games in the series, and if they are representative of the best 8-bit and 16-bit offerings respectively, then Belmont’s Revenge is easily the best portable title.
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The Castlevania Adventure (Game Boy)

The Castlevania Adventure review (GB)

Reviewed on December 10, 2003

I thoroughly enjoy this terrific franchise, and I look forward to each release with newfound excitement. When I first saw screenshots for The Adventure, I fought an urge to immediately conclude that the game would be a winner. It looked good, its lack of colour notwithstanding. And certainly sound and gameplay quality was never a problem for Konami's 2-D, whip-toting heroes of Gothic tradition. Until now.
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Nemesis (Game Boy)

Nemesis review (GB)

Reviewed on December 10, 2003

Don’t get it twisted. Nemesis is a remixed, scaled down Gradius, plain and simple. You fly from left to right and fire on everything in sight, encountering weaklings flying in formation, Moai heads literally spitting out Cheerios, and giant ships that move up and down firing sliver-like lasers for you to squeeze between. Konami/Ultra have down an admirable job here, making Nemesis one of the best shooters available for on-the-go killing sprees.
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Wizards & Warriors X: Fortress of Fear (Game Boy)

Wizards & Warriors X: Fortress of Fear review (GB)

Reviewed on December 10, 2003

I love side-scrollers, and someone knew this. I was duped, led astray, and the rest of it. I would gladly take on any Castlevania adventure (even The Adventure), The Legendary Axe, hell, even a rusty bladed generic Rastan mission. But X (may I call you X?) doesn’t deserve my hack and slashing skills, nor does it deserve yours. More importantly, our hack and slash skills are unlikely to measure up to this evil cartridge's challenge.
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Donkey Kong (Game Boy)

Donkey Kong review (GB)

Reviewed on December 09, 2003

You can't get a much better game than this for on the go play. Donkey Kong is the stuff, really it is. It's not what you think: it's not just a little plumber named Mario (formerly Jumpman) leaping over barrels sent his way by an angry ape. There's a lot more to it this time 'round.
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Bonk's Revenge (Game Boy)

Bonk's Revenge review (GB)

Reviewed on December 09, 2003

It pains me to sum up this Bonk experience, because there are little in the way of saving graces. And I love the series. And I loved Bonk's Adventure for the Gameboy despite its utter lack of challenge and intensity. Charm saw it through! The utter lack of challenge is back in this sequel, but the charm is nowhere to be found.
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Bonk's Adventure (Game Boy)

Bonk's Adventure review (GB)

Reviewed on December 09, 2003

Bonk's Adventure for the Gameboy starts off looking like it's going to be a direct port of the Turbografx-16 classic. But it's not! The game stars the same big-headed caveman who bonks all his enemies with his noggin, and the story and some of the locales are the same, but things have been changed up just a bit, and that's somewhat refreshing.
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Ristar (Game Gear)

Ristar review (GG)

Reviewed on December 09, 2003

The evil doings of Greedy roused a sleeping star. His name is Ristar. We’ve seen him before; he took on Greedy in his side-scrolling Sega Genesis adventure with such style and grace as to cement for himself a place among the very best in his genre. The cutesy platformer genre (also known as the mascot genre) was imbued with the young star’s startling brilliance, and though Ristar never achieved the popularity of a Super Mario, or a Sonic, those who have taken control of the celestial phenomenon know his greatness.
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Sonic the Hedgehog 2 (Game Gear)

Sonic the Hedgehog 2 review (GG)

Reviewed on December 09, 2003

The obnoxious, unforgiving failure that is Sonic the Hedgehog 2 for the Game Gear can be extremely enjoyable on a very obscure, smallish level. Unfortunately, to access that slim slice of playability, cheating is necessary and encouraged.
Masters's avatar
The Lucky Dime Caper Starring Donald Duck (Game Gear)

The Lucky Dime Caper Starring Donald Duck review (GG)

Reviewed on December 09, 2003

It all begins on Huey, Dewey, and Louie’s birthday, as Uncle Scrooge gives each of them a lucky dime as a gift. When the boys inquire why their cheapskate uncle couldn't buy them something good, like BeyBlades or whatever it is kids like, the despicable miser tells them a lame copout tale of his rise to riches from a time when he started out with just one dime (snicker).
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Revenge of Drancon (Game Gear)

Revenge of Drancon review (GG)

Reviewed on December 09, 2003

Nice one, Sega. You see, Sega already released this game for their Master System console years before the arrival of their Game Gear unit. It was called Wonderboy.
Masters's avatar
Aerial Assault (Game Gear)

Aerial Assault review (GG)

Reviewed on December 09, 2003

I've never played a slower shooter than Aerial Assault. Perhaps the SNES's Blazeon comes close, but aside from that, nothing can touch the outright languidness with which this shooter scrolls along. Shooter skies are normally veritable metal gauntlets of enemy craft, filled in with labyrinths of laser fire. Not Aerial Assault. Most skies are completely serene and empty, the same backdrop passing by over and over again like a Flintstones episode.
Masters's avatar

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